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Pandora's avatar

How difficult would it be for you to start over?

Asked by Pandora (29733points) July 22nd, 2010

I have a family member who is going through some financial woes because they were swindled. She can’t sleep and worries all about what is going on. Her stress is through the roof.
I can empathize since it wasn’t so long ago that my husbands employers where losing a contract and he was told in a few months time everyone would be let go. Needless to say it was proving hard to find a job equivalent to what he was getting pay.
We had to finally settle for moving to find the better paying job.
Anyhow, he was stressed all the time. I told him not to worry and imagine the worst.
Worst being, bankruptcy and we may have to live with a family member till we were back on our feet.
We still would have our health, and both of us are able body and able to work any job if we had too.
It would mean starting over but we would still be able to have a roof over out head, food for our stomachs and he still had his retirement pay.
Our children are grown and self sufficient.
He said seeing it that way it didn’t seem so difficult.
I told the same to our relative and she also said it was true and seemed more relaxed afterwards.
So if you had to start over, do you think you can do it?
If you did, how did you manage through the stress?

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23 Answers

mrentropy's avatar

I haven’t lost my job (this time), but I guess I’m starting over now. But, to be honest, my situation now is less stressful even though I am starting over.

jrpowell's avatar

I have done it a few times. But I barely have anything and fitting what I need into my backpack and moving on is something I have done a few times. It doesn’t bother me. I actually enjoy it.

I’m glad I did that shit while I was young. I still have nothing, but I know a rainy day is coming so it is best that I save up money for it. I probably live off what some people spend on their car payment.

Cruiser's avatar

A reset in life can be awful, stressful and seems impossible to do. Your brain feels like a block of ice! I had to do that twice in my life and it is not easy no matter how many people counsel you “that it will be all right”. You just do it is all. You persevere…it is what it is and you just pray it never happens again.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Starting over sucks. The only condolence is the sooner they say screw it, this is where I am and I just need to put my head down and do it, the sooner they move from starting over to rebuilding. Realization, acceptance, and moving on. It still sucks, but that’s reality.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I’m having to start over now. Of course it’s doable for the vast majority of us. Acceptance is the first step, and I think people feel that acceptance means that they have to like or condone the situation and that’s not true.

Acceptance only means to acknowledge where one is at the present time and work from there, without worrying that it means anything more than what it does, i.e. being broke and unemployed means you’re unemployed with no money. And that’s it. It’s not a moral judegement and doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person whose value is less than that of people with money or a job.

BoBo1946's avatar

@Pandora, anything that can be fixed with money, can be fixed. They can recover. There are people in the hospice house today that will not recover. They have to focus on the positive things in life that don’t involve material things (family and friends). I know, after you worked hard all of your life, a tough pill to shallow. My ex did it to me…and i recovered! It can be done! Again, in my situation, leaned on friends and family. People that love you!

Trillian's avatar

I’ve had to scrap everything and startover a couple times. Streeful doesn’t begin to over it. Quite frankly, I fell back on a combination of religious/spiritual teachings. I now feel that my hands were emptied to that somethin better could beplaced in them. I have a better appreciation for things because I realize that there truly is no security. Everything we have can be taken from us at a moments notice. I try to enjoy everything and be attached to nothing.

CaptainHarley's avatar

I’ve had to start over at least four times in my life. I would absolutely hate to have to do it again, but I know I could. The hardest time I ever had starting over was when we had four children. Having to provide for children while you try to rebuild can be a real bear.

CMaz's avatar

Since I cant go back in time to be 18 again.
I would need $500,000 and all would work out just fine.

Aethelwine's avatar

We are going through this right now. My husband has worked at a ranch for the past 7 years, but at this moment the boss is lying in the hospital and his chance of surviving is very low. If he passes his wife may sell the property, or at least do away with the cattle, which would leave a few workers out of a job. We have no idea what the future holds for us.

We are also trying to decide if our house is worth saving from foreclosure. We love the location, but it is a money pit, and we don’t plan on staying here forever. At this point, we really don’t have anything to lose. It wouldn’t be difficult at all to start over.

The stress is terrible. I’m having trouble sleeping, and I’m trying to keep a smile on my face around the children. The only thing that helps is the love and support from family. We have each other, and that is all that matters. We can make a home anywhere.

YARNLADY's avatar

It can be as difficult as you want it to be, or as easy as possible. It all depends on how you choose to face the challenge.

CMaz's avatar

My mother started over at the age of 50. She is now 76 and living quite well.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

I’m so good at startin’ over, that sometimes I start startin’ over while I’m startin’ over.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’m doing it now for the 3rd time in a decade but at the greatest disadvantage of the previous times. I no longer have any good credit, savings, good job, reliable car or friends nearby but I’ve got experience, health and love so I’m going for it.

Pandora's avatar

@Neizvestnaya :) It can only go up from here. You certainly have the right stuff to make things happen for the better. Best of luck. :D

Trillian's avatar

@Neizvestnaya I am so sending positive energy out for you. ((()))

Andreas's avatar

@johnpowell “I probably live off what some people spend on their car payment.” Always good to live frugally.

@ChazMaz Might be tough to dig up $500,000 at that time!

@Pandora I’ve only had to start over once due to divorce, and I did OK on that occasion. In a short period of time I was on my feet and doing fine. I think part of the answer is our attitude as in, “Is the glass half full, or half empty?” type thinking.

When people are used to having little in life and still surviving, major upsets in life are easier to bear. When people have a lot to lose then the battle is greater for them.

I hope this helps.

Pandora's avatar

@Andreas So true. I came from a large family and we only had the bear essentials. There was very little we could afford. For me, just having a roof over our heads and food to eat and clothing for the seasons was enough.
I think its also how some people see their lives. Some start to see themselves as others see them. They believe the more they have in excess the more people will see them as being special in some way. Till today I still don’t like excess. I don’t believe in spending money on stuff I don’t need. Can’t say my husband always feels the same. But nothing ticks me off more than to see something purchased and then tossed aside.
I don’t care to keep up with the Jones’s. (for those of you who are to young, “Keeping up with the Jones’s”, was an old expression, meaning to compete with ones neighbors.
Its not that I’m frugal or worried about saving for a rainy day, but I don’t feel being wasteful is a good thing nor do I think having stuff defines who I am.

Sharrona's avatar

It would be extremely difficult to start over at my age, if ever expected to be where I am now. I hope I never have to try.

Andreas's avatar

@Pandora Got it in one. I hate waste, especially food. There was never any food to waste when I was young and the same when I had a young family. We are who we are. Stuff is just stuff.

As for the Jones’s: Didn’t they have lousy taste? ;-)

@Sharrona You just might be surprised at what comes out of the woodwork in a time of need. Always try and stay positive!

Pandora's avatar

@Andreas, Sometimes tacky but what always amazed me is with all their nice stuff, they are never home to appreciate it. The more they aquire the harder they work to keep it but the less time they have to enjoy it. :(

CaptainHarley's avatar


Which is precisely the reason I have schooled myself to “not want.” Learning to not want is often difficult in a consumer-oriented society, yet it’s not only possible, but comes as a great relief.

Andreas's avatar

@Pandora “the less time they have to enjoy it.” And that is quite hilarious, IMHO.

@CaptainHarley “but comes as a great relief.” And no credit card debt, either :-) Who are the cleverer people?

GA to you both.

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