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9doomedtodie's avatar

Had you ever fallen in "one sided love"?

Asked by 9doomedtodie (3113points) July 22nd, 2010

I had in one sided love.I got hurt when she denied me.It was first time that i was in love.
How do i overcome myself from such misery,pain? Now what is happening,When i start any work i can’t concentrate on it & always mistakes happen.How do i get a rid of that matter?

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18 Answers

Chrissi85's avatar

Yes, and I have had it happen the other way round as well. It sucks from both sides, having had someone fall in love with me that I didn’t love back, I can say that she probably feels awful about it too (if she is a friend that is) I felt horribly guilty for putting him through that. I felt like I should love him back just to make him feel better, but you can’t make yourself love someone, it isn’t your fault she doesn’t love you, it’s just the way the heart works.. The only thing you can do is move on with your life, you will fall in love again, and hopefully it will be returned. You mustn’t dwell on this, I’m sure it hurts so much right now you feel it will never go away, but it will. Get on with your life, go out, meet people. Things will be better, and sooner than you think.

JesusWasAJewbot's avatar

Thats how it feel when you have a break up, it will always feel just as shitty and just as bad. Really the only thing you can do is man up and get over it, no matter what anyone here posts to help its really all on you.

Some people get over break ups fast, others just dwell on it until it eats them up inside. Go hang out with friends, get your mind off that person.

Pandora's avatar

You get over it by knowing that it is something that happens to just about everyone at some time. The days will get easier as time passes. And when your not looking someone else will come into your life.
Also know that if you haven’t done so yet you probably will at some time reject someone who will be into you but you won’t feel the same.
Its all a part of living. Life with all its glories has good times and bad times.
It hurts now but not forever. In the mean time realize that your job doesn’t care about your home life so be determined to step up to the plate and deliver what they are paying for. I’m sure your co workers don’t care to pick up your slack because you have a broken heart. Just the same as you wouldn’t care to pick up their slack for a broken heart.
Be determined to be professional for a couple of hours a day so as not to disappoint people who trust in you to deliver.
Love will come again. And next time it may be a shared experience vise a single experience.
Look forward to that. If you thought a one way interest was great. Wait till you experience the real 2 way action. That is 1000 times better.
best of luck

BoBo1946's avatar

Yep, my first…been suffering ever since! not really! My junior year in H.S….my coach almost shot me for being love sick. Three games….terrible, and it passed. Did it for me….never had another serious relationship until after college.

josie's avatar

Sorry to be hard core, but what you describe is part of the deal when we enter the world of the living. You either limp around like damaged goods or get over it. When you act afflicted by life’s disappointments, people can sense it, they respond negatively to it, and they begin to try to avoid you, much like if you smelled funny. Then, you just start to feel more lonely and isolated and hurt, and then it compounds itself. Hurry up and think about something else. I recommend a good work out.

CMaz's avatar

One sided love is a suckers game we have all played at one time or another.

Hopefully we have learned.

frigate1985's avatar

I’m in one right now…there are two ways to end such a love. One is to pick up the courage to ask her out and the other is to move on with life. If you fail in the first option, you’ll probably be horribly depressed for a while, in which case you should hang out with as much girls as possible and convince yourself that your love was just an attraction. To move on, you just express your feelings in some way (write it down, say it out loud alone) and then try to forget it all. Also try not to run into her for a while.

Whatever the case, you’re probably better off than me. My crush (as the love-ee is called), a girl, is slim, tall, attractive, smart (agreed by most men) and her father owns one of the largest education companies in my country so I’m a total loser compared to her. So cheer up! There’s someone always worse off than you.

janbb's avatar

Oh yes – and it hurts like hell, don’t it?

Zaku's avatar

Yes. Several times.

What you call one-sided love generally isn’t about an actual love relationship with the actual other person. It’s generally about a person’s own feelings built around imagined ideas about that person and what a relationship with them might possibly be like.

When one realizes and accepts that, then it’s possible to not be so disappointed about the actual person not mirroring the feelings, because the feelings aren’t really about that person. And the feelings and ideas still exist inside the person who created them – they’re just about an imagined person and relationship, and inaccurately associated with an actual person who doesn’t share them.

The beauty and possibility they represent aren’t something that has to be mourned and suffered about, if one can realize that they are about one’s own desire and potential to be loving. One can create an actual love relationship with someone else.

Otto_King's avatar

Every day, until I’ve found the One. :)

Luffle's avatar

Accept that she doesn’t feel the same way and then focus on you instead of her. You probably have good qualities that other people may like so there’s no reason to torment yourself about why this person doesn’t feel the same way.

Keep yourself busy with activities you like and when you regain a rational perspective on the situation, you may find that it’s better that she was honest with her feelings instead of misleading you.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Unfortunately, that happens to a lot of people. You have to pick yourself up and move on. Grieving will get you nowhere.

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ducky_dnl's avatar

I’ve fallen in love with someone who mutually liked me back, but we never dated. He passed away almost several months ago and I missed my chance. It hurt me for the longest time and I still can’t get over it. I miss him and regret not taking my chance every day, but I try to occupy myself with things that distract me. Which has been here on the fluther chat. If you asked her out, then you should be proud that you took your chance. You might not have gotten the answer you wanted, but you got an answer as well. I’m sorry that it didn’t turn out for you, but it gets better..I guess! Just occupy yourself and go out and have fun.

lapilofu's avatar

I’ve been thinking and reading a lot about unrequited love lately myself. On unrequited love, Joey Comeau (of web comic A Softer World) says:

“Man, I was thinking about unrequited love. I figure it’s best to just walk that shit off. Find someone else to be excited about. It’s like if you love ice cream but your ice cream man friend won’t give you any. Maybe he’s got a good reason. It cuts into profits. Who knows? But he likes you as a friend and wants to hang out anyway. It just drives you crazy to hang out with that dude, even if he’s being reasonable from his point of view. So don’t hang out with him. What, you ONLY like ice cream? It’s ice cream or nothing? Don’t be an asshole. Learn to love donuts.”

And while I totally see what he’s saying and even agreed with him for a while, the honest truth is that most of us don’t choose who we love. We may have some sway over it one way or another, but at the end of the day, we don’t have perfect control over our feelings. And we should be compassionate with ourselves. We can’t just say, “buck up!” and be done with it. But we can own those feelings. We can enjoy them and be compassionate with ourselves about them. It seems crazy at first, the idea of enjoying unrequited love, but I find the more I think about it the more I can do it. In The Ethical Slut, Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy say:

“One remedy for the fear of not being loved is to remember how good it feels to love someone. If you’re feeling unloved and you want to feel better, go love someone, and see what happens.”

I think this is a really powerful thought. When I sit and contemplate it, it does feel really good to love someone else. They don’t even have to do anything about it. That love is mine, it’s a position that I put myself in, and it feels good. There’s one dialogue in the movie Adaptation that also has struck me as particularly relevant in this field:

CHARLIE KAUFMAN: There was this time in high school. I was watching you out the library window. You were talking to Sarah Marsh.
DONALD KAUFMAN: Oh, God. I was so in love with her.
CHARLIE KAUFMAN: I know. And you were flirting with her. And she was being really sweet to you.
DONALD KAUFMAN: I remember that.
CHARLIE KAUFMAN: Then, when you walked away, she started making fun of you with Kim Canetti. And it was like they were laughing at me. You didn’t know at all. You seemed so happy.
DONALD KAUFMAN: I knew. I heard them.
CHARLIE KAUFMAN: How come you looked so happy?
DONALD KAUFMAN: I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn’t have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want.
CHARLIE KAUFMAN: But she thought you were pathetic.
DONALD KAUFMAN: That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That’s what I decided a long time ago.

Your love is yours—no one else controls it. And remember that the purpose of love is not to be returned. It is its own purpose. It exists whether or not the object of that love feels it. Sometimes love makes us dependent and vulnerable—that hurts. Maybe it will always hurt. But if you open yourself to the possibility of getting pleasure from your own love, loving people can feel good—and they don’t even have to love you back.

Disc2021's avatar


How to overcome it? You drink!

Sharrona's avatar

Of course. Hasn’t everyone. Maybe not love, but surely a crush.

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