General Question

ducky_dnl's avatar

Is it okay to be happy with this way of thinking?

Asked by ducky_dnl (5378points) July 25th, 2010

People think I’m mean, but I don’t like people. I’ve come to this conclusion that people are the root cause of my problems. I’ve sorta been in isolation for the longest time, and now that I’m talking with people again..I’m miserable. I like being by myself. Ever since I’ve been talking with people I’ve had nothing but drama, drama, drama..which I don’t need. I’m not rude to people, but in the back of my mind..I can’t stand them. I wish I’d be the only person on the planet. I bet my depression would lift if I didn’t have to deal with people. Is it wrong to feel this way?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

31 Answers

perspicacious's avatar

It’s a sign of something unhealthy, I think. Humans are social creatures. That doesn’t mean we all like to be around people all of the time, but to feel that you “hate people” is a bit over the top.

zophu's avatar

Find people who make you stronger. If you fail, look again. And so on.

Coloma's avatar

Well….actually ‘people’ are not your problem.

You are your problem.

It is all about attitude.

Find new friends to spend time with after you get happier….because like attracts like.
You are negative and therefore your energy is attracting other negative drama types to you.

This is a truth, beleive it or not.

Some alone time is healthy, constantly alone is bordering or full blown schizoid behavior.

YARNLADY's avatar

It you are happy with it, then your question is worded incorrectly. It makes you sound very unhappy. If you are happy when you are not around people, than find a way to be more solitary.

ducky_dnl's avatar

@Coloma People can be someones problem. I am nice to everyone, yet I seem to be the doormat. So therefore people bringing me into their drama when I do their problem.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

See Coloma’s answer ;)

Coloma's avatar


Of course, sometimes you need to let go of toxic people. But don’t let a few bad apples turn you into a self contained unit.

Find new friends that mirror your good outlook! :-)

aprilsimnel's avatar

Holy cats, I was reading the Wikipedia entry for misanthropy just now.

You may hate people, but you’re a person too, though I hate to break it to you. Sort of brings it back to the problem being your way of thinking, doesn’t it? There’s something about yourself that you project onto all these people, the bits you don’t like. Accept those shadow parts of yourself. All of them. Realize that it’s a part of you and humanity and there’s nothing wrong with you or humanity.

Good luck.

zophu's avatar

You don’t have to be delusionally happy with other people, just positive, like @Coloma says. People are usually very busy with their own issues and such. They aren’t as able to be compatible with you as they maybe should be, probably. So, you have to help them be better. Better for you better for themselves, whatever. Be positive, it’s energizing and allows for less defensiveness. You can still keep all your dark thoughts, just change the energy with which you express them. Your more delusional dark thoughts (everybody has them) will begin to melt away with time, and the valid ones will only get stronger. But then, there are people who are just best left behind. Just don’t start leaving everyone behind.

ducky_dnl's avatar

Could my disgust and dislike of people be caused from past traumatizing events? ie beaten by my older brother, verbally abused by dad, brother grandfather, shool kids, loss of the one guy I loved and trusted, and a destructive dream crushing family?

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Choose a small number of people who care about you and whom you trust to be your main reference group. Focus on what you feel you need and what kind of help you can get to achieve your goals. You won’t do yourself any good by entirely isolating yourself. You are not compelled to interact with everybody and all their problems and concerns. That is your choice. If you want help, ask someone with the skills, experience and willingness. I know there are such people around.

ducky_dnl's avatar

@Dr_Lawrence That sounds good. The only problem is that I do not trust people. Every time I seem to trust people, it back fires.

zophu's avatar

@ducky_dnl You can take more betrayal than you think you can. And you might be partially creating it where it doesn’t need to be. Put some trust into people and realize that even if they hurt you, you can live through it. You already have.

Coloma's avatar


Yep, as @zophu said.

I think you have attracted the voice of mature wisdom with this question! lol ;-)

Coloma's avatar


Excellent sharing!

ducky_dnl's avatar

@zophu Yes, you can take more, but why would you want to? I mean if you have the choice, then why would someone choose to experience more betrayal?

aprilsimnel's avatar

@ducky_dnl – I think every single person on this site has gone through heartbreaking betrayal, people treating them like absolute shit when it wasn’t deserved, injury, abuse, devastating breakups, etc., etc., etc. It’s just part of being human. As @zophu says, you’ve already shown that you can live through it by already living through it.

Acceptance of human foibles and behaviours doesn’t mean condoning what happened to you or rolling over and taking it the next time someone tries to get their needs met in a way that hurts you, but you have to figure out why it is, then, that you’re allowing the same things to happen to you again and again and break the circuit. That’s where some therapy might be helpful.

zophu's avatar

@ducky_dnl It’s not choosing to be betrayed. It’s choosing to take the risk. Being betrayed is a bad thing. Maybe even a very bad thing. But it’s acceptable. So accept it if and when it happens.

ducky_dnl's avatar

@zophu I guess so. :/

josie's avatar

Good luck in a world full of people and a division of labor society. Even Henry David Thoreau had friends who would bring him provisions and check on him once in a while. Your choice of course, but you only get one life and I would say you are wasting it.

zophu's avatar

The world’s fucked up. Just have to eat shit and deal with it so that maybe more people in the next generation will have a better situation. It really isn’t so bad. Well, it’s not worse than bad anyway. Nothing you can’t live through. And if you don’t, so what? You’ll be dead.

Just learn to take the beatings. It’s the only way to get things done and maybe get to a point where you don’t have to take so much. I’m probably about to go through a whole mess of shit in my life and I’ve had to adopt this perspective. People are stupid. They do stupid things. And stupid things get people hurt. Sometimes you’re those people. Regardless of where you’re at in this equation, the best thing to do is to not be stupid. Avoiding people is stupid. I did it for years and now I’m having to repair the damage.

jctennis123's avatar

Word for the wise: If you choose to be sociable you will be stepping outside of your comfort zone and for a time that will hurt. But the benefits will be worth it. Nothing is better than a fun or interesting conversation with a friend or group of friends or just being with a close friend who understands you and whom you understand. That is the best feeling in the world.

stardust's avatar

You don’t seem very happy. Human connection is one of the most important/beautiful/enjoyable/uplifting..experiences we have. I agree with @Coloma. It seems you’re projecting your own issues onto other people in your life. Like does attract like. Push past your comfort zone. I know that if you do, you’ll be happier. @zophu has made some excellent points.

jazmina88's avatar

Can you truly be happy if you arent sharing your life with someone real?
i feel the same way as you do, some of the time. I’m very guarded, most of the time.
But take baby steps to trust again.

Love is beautiful.

Jabe73's avatar

@ducky_dnl You sound alot like me. There are many things you can control in life to some degree but one thing you cannot control is whether other people will like you or not. You do not owe anyone anything but to be yourself. If people do not like that then there is not much you can do about it. Being “nice” to other people can have its drawbacks as well, many people will see that as a sign of “weakness” and use it against you then on the other hand if you are aloof or ignorant then people will not like that either.

I prefer to be alone 90% of the time. I do not mind having a close friend or acquaintance however. My last 2 best friends passed away recently so I am limited to my immediate family and workplace acquaintances. If you spend too much time alone it will start to drive you nuts (even if you are not aware of it). I think it always helps to have at least someone you can rely on. I do agree with you about it being stressful around other people however. There have been many scenerios in my life where I had to “suck it up” where I had no choice but to be around other people. Nothing wrong with wanting to be alone most of the time but like I said you should have at least someone that you communicate with to some degree.

jerv's avatar

Sounds like the story of my life!

I have never been overly sociable, and I tend to prefer being on my own most though not all of the time and have managed to be mostly happy, or at lesat no more miserable than more sociable people.

It seems to me that there are other issues here.

Coloma's avatar

Don’t give up before you even get started!

As @aprilsimnel said…

Unhappy encounters are part of being human, but…having a resilient spirit is also part of the human journey.

Keep yer chin up kiddo…miles to go…make them as happy as you can.

If you can still find the good in people inspite of some unhappy experiences that is one true measure of ‘success.’ ;-)

SeventhSense's avatar

I don’t know. Why don’t you tell us if it’s okay to be happy with this way of thinking. But if you are truly happy with it and are settled why would you seek opinions of the masses you despise? This may be something to consider.

rainboots's avatar

Hell is other people. If your happy not being around people then don’t go around them. If your in the mood to deal with the public then take a deep breath and adventure into the wild.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I have considered it and decided that, yes, it is okay to be happy with this kind of thinking if you’re truly happy.

SeventhSense's avatar

If people are the root cause of your problems though, your self esteem is based on other people’s reactions or actions. This of course is the opposite of self esteem. This can’t be strength by its own nature. There is always a decision to be one’s own person but this is despite others acceptance or disapproval, not as reactive to it. You are actually in the weakest position when you are beholden to the whims of others actions or opinions. Find courage and ask yourself what you hate so vehemently about yourself when you interact with people.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther