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Afos22's avatar

What are the best/worst things to say on an airplane?

Asked by Afos22 (3990points) July 28th, 2010

In about a month I will be flying to visit some family. I started thinking of the most funny things that I could say on the airplane, that would get the guy behind me worried or utterly confused. I also started thinking of things that I shouldn’t say like “I’m carrying a bomb and I am going to blow up this flight!”

What do you think would be the best/worst thing that I could say in flight?

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17 Answers

augustlan's avatar

Saying anything like that on a plane these days will likely get you shot or at least arrested. I’d settle for an interesting seat mate.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

I was going to suggest something, but follow augustian’s tip and stay cool.

Just for laughs, you could start tapping the window and start looking in your stuff for something to open it with, then saying out loud – “Phew, it’s hot in here, how does this open!!!!”

Afos22's avatar

@augustlan @ZEPHYRA I’m not planning on getting myself thrown into jail. It’s just for kicks. What would be either a really bad thing to say on an airplane or something really funny (along the lines of the window thing)

Jeruba's avatar

People are edgy and hypersensitive about air travel these days. Confine yourself to friendly remarks, if you must say something, and avoid saying anything that will get someone worried or utterly confused. Save your jokes and wisecracks for when you’re on the ground with your friends.

Afos22's avatar

@Jeruba It is purely hypothetical.


I don’t think it’s wise to say ANYTHING to make “the guy behind you worried or utterly confused”. Of course you should refrain from the obvious, like talking about bombs, but even little, seemingly “harmless” things like pretending that the food on the plane is making you sick or telling the person seated next to you that you just got out of a mental asylum can get you in trouble. These days, with all the “nuts” out there posing a threat to national security , air travel must be taken seriously, not frivolously. There is a time and a place for jokes and such, but being on an airplane 20,000 feet in the air is certainly not one of them.

Afos22's avatar

You’re missing the point of the question. I am not asking if a plane is the best place for jokes, or what the consequences would be. Im not asking if it is wise or how sensitive people are. What would be the worst thing for someone to say in flight? What could someone say that you would find strange or shocking?


@Afos22 But my friend, you did say “you will be flying to visit family” in tandem with “what’s the best/worst thing I could say in flight”? The two together seems to suggest you “want” to say those things when you “do” fly. So your question is a bit worrisome (and ambiguous). Lol.

Afos22's avatar

@MRSHINYSHOES Yes, I did. It just got me thinking. Im sure you agree that it is an improper wording, and suggests that I was planning on saying any answer that I expected to receive. hmm, can’t go back now haha

Jeruba's avatar

I think you’re just backpedaling because nobody is going along with your idea. It was pretty foolish, I think you must admit. Let’s forget it now, shall we?

Afos22's avatar

@Jeruba There is no one that I know that would be stupid enough to actually say ‘The worst’ things to say on an airplane. I guess some people just look too far into the question.

BoBo1946's avatar

Best thing to say, “we are here.” Worst thing, is what you said my friend in your example. I know, that was done “tongue in cheek,” as you gave the worst possible scenario to provoke thought. Seems like you accomplished your goal. Good show!

Austinlad's avatar

Worst: Is that a gremlin on the wing? (For those who don’t get the referece,,000_FeetGoogle “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet”)

Best: Thank God we landed safely.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Good: “This food is pretty good.” “It is a pleasure meeting you.” “Don’t worry. I have plenty of time.
Bad: Nothing. Didn’t your mother tell you, “If you can’t say something nice, say nothing.”?

daytonamisticrip's avatar

never say bong. sounds to close to bomb. never talk about hunting. some idiot here’s the word gun and flips out.


@Afos22 Lol. No problem my friend. I know what you mean now. In our imaginations, it’s okay to think of things to say that “would” be funny. ;)

mattbrowne's avatar

When the pilot introduces himself over the loudspeaker sharing his name with all passengers, stand up and say loudly:

“Oh, no, not this captain again!”

The collective anxiety level will explode.

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