Social Question


Is it a good idea to take a vacation from your spouse?

Asked by RANGIEBABY (2097points) August 17th, 2010

My husband and I have been together for about 35 years, day in day out, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I spent about a week with my kids in San Diego. Had a great time, but it was over too soon. I think I needed 2 weeks, and so did he. When silly, little things cause discomfort, you know you are spending way too much time together.

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41 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

Yes, it is a good idea.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I don’t think there is anything wrong with taking a vacation without your spouse. My husband goes on hunting and fishing trips (which are vacation to him) from time to time when he can. I went on a vacation without him last summer because he could not get the time off (I went to visit family on the east coast). Once the vacation was over, we were happy to be back together and things had a renewed feeling (if that makes sense).

Austinlad's avatar

An excellent idea. Space in any relationship is as important as closeness. Wish my wife and I had understood that when we were hitched.

Aster's avatar

No; never wanted to. One day is nice, though.

AmWiser's avatar

Yes….I insist on it. And @Austinlad said it best.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

I think it’s a must. It should be written into the marriage contract.

Unless you are both identical in temperaments and likes/dislikes (which rarely happens.)

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Maybe after a number of years I’d say yes but having been married before for only 7, I say no. My then husband and I spent only a few days apart on one occasion (before the split) and neither of us liked it. The two relationships I had after that (5yrs) then we never spent a night apart and were very glad of it. In my last relationship (7yrs) then my bf and I never spent a night apart until the near end of our relationship when we each took separate 1 week vacations. So far in my present partnership then my partner has spent many nights away from me, he likes it that way even if I don’t but you never know, this relationship might go the distance because of the space he demands.

BoBo1946's avatar

What would not I give to wander

Where my old companions dwell?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder:

Isle of Beauty, fare thee well!

Bayly is credited with popularizing the phrase, but he took it from Francis Davison’s Poetical Rhapsody (1602).

janbb's avatar

We have some very different interests so we do take some separate vacations. I always get a lot of richness from the time I spend apart from our marriage.

Aethelwine's avatar

Every couple is different. We rarely get to vacation, so when we do we do it together. We both enjoy the same activities, so that helps.

YARNLADY's avatar

We go separately when one wants to go somewhere and the other doesn’t or can’t get away.

I don’t see it as a good idea so much as whatever fits the occasion.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I don’t think I need a vacation from him, I just need a vacation for myself. We have enough space in our relationship.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I’d hate the idea. Meg and I were separated so often by military deployments that I never wanted to be away from her if I could avoid it. J and I are the same way now.

Pandora's avatar

I wish I could. Wouldn’t mind. But I probably would only need a weekend. Its nice to go somewhere and not be someones wife, or mom for just a weekend. Just hang out with pals or other family members who don’t expect anything from you.
I remember when I went to Puerto Rico for a week and my mom cooked and all I did was drive around touring and coming home to a delicious home cooked meal. It was really nice.
It was great at rejuvernating me. I felt like I had the energy of a 15yr. old. Just hung out with one of my brothers and my sister.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I would imagine it is, yes.
I can’t say personally, though. I’ve been with my husband 6 years and we aren’t together all that often. I suppose if we were crammed into the same space for too long a vacation would be good. :)

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

We give each other plenty of space, we don’t need separate vacations. We sometimes visit family separately for lack of funds to go at the same time.

Trance24's avatar

Time apart is definitely a good idea sometimes, or else you end up suffocating one another.

hug_of_war's avatar

I think society makes us think we’re insane if we don’t spend every waking moment together but it can be beneficial to have time apart, whether that’s having a night out with friends or vacation or reading a book while your partner is at work.

Cruiser's avatar

Breaks are healthy especially when you go off and do something special for yourself.

Frenchfry's avatar

I think it a wonderful idea. After I am married for awhile I think I will do the same and he will also. You apreciate each other more. Start missing each other. You don’t realize what you got till it’s gone.

Scooby's avatar

Go for it it’ll do you both good to have some time apart…. Live a little ;-)

perspicacious's avatar

You don’t have to take a vacation to not be with your spouse 24/7. You can have your own life; get one.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

My hubby and I are occasionally apart for a weekend. It’s nice I guess, but we always miss each other and can’t wait to see each other again. There have been a few times when we were apart for an extended period of time, and we both hated it.

john65pennington's avatar

Since i retired, my wife and are together 24/7. we rarely argue. she is now leaving for Seattle to visit our children and grandchildren for two weeks. i cannot go. my elderly mother is sick and in a nursing home. i think we both need this separation. i told her this morning. “i miss you and you are not even gone”. is that a song? anyway, we need some time to ourselves after being married 44 years. i will go on our next planned trip in December. yes, couples do need time apart to appreciate their time together.


@perspicacious I have a life thank you and I love it. I am not complaining, just getting a general consensus of what the group thinks. i tend to agree with those that say yes, take time away, it will enhance your relationship. It happens that I worked for my husband all those years and that requires my presence with him.:) Day in and day out. We have everything in common and work exceedingly well together. I design, we both build. Constant communication is a must. But thank you anyway.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’d love to have a vacation to my SO, we have a day off together only every 3 weeks. If we marry then I hope by then we’ll have more time so we can find out what it’s like to want to get away from each other.~

wundayatta's avatar

Yeah, and she went to Vegas. She says it was for work.


@wundayatta And was it for work, or a little time alone?

downtide's avatar

My partner and I have been together 25 years and we regularly go off on our own. Not usually for weeks at a time, but certainly the odd weekend. He has his hobbies that I’m not interested in, I have mine that don’t interest him, so we do our own thing. We have also always had regular nights out each week without each other. I think it’s a good thing that we allow each other some freedom. I couldn’t stand living in someone’s pocket 24/7, no matter how much I loved them. I wouldn’t last a year in a relationship like that.

Aster's avatar

I guess if absence makes the heart grow fonder it would follow that married couples should live in separate houses. Or continents.

downtide's avatar

@Aster I know a married couple who live in seperate houses, far enough apart that they need to drive to get there. And today at work I spoke to a customer who told me that her husband lives in the house next door.


@Austinlad I agree with you. There are time when I just want to run away for a little while. We are rarely apart and I think 24/7 365 days a year, his voice begins to grate on my nerves, as I am sure mine does his. I have decided to do something about it. I invited my daughter in law to go on a 3 or 4 day trip somewhere. It is fun figuring out where we will go and stay. My husband wants to stay home and help with the remodel anyway, so I am free.

Aster's avatar

@downtide wow; that is amazing!!

NaturallyMe's avatar

If it’s what you need, then it’s a good idea. Some people need more space and alone time than do others. I’d hate to be away from my husband. We’re together 24/7 as well, we work together, from home. I wouldn’t have it any other way though. I miss him already if he’s gone somewhere for just a few hours. We’ve been together 24/7 for the past 5 years about now, and i love it!


@NaturallyMe try that for 35 years, and then come and tell me you miss him already. Don’t get me wrong, but enough is enough, sometimes I like to breathe my own air.

NaturallyMe's avatar

@RANGIEBABY Well, i’m not going to rule it out for me since i have no experience of a 35 year relationship (hell, i’m not even that age yet!), but people are different, not everybody will feel the way you do. I’ve always preferred company, even if he’s in another room and we’re busy doing our own thing and don’t speak or see each other for hours. That’s as much “alone time” as i need. :) (so far anyway).


@NaturallyMe Don’t get me wrong, I would not change my life for anything, but when you sleep, work, travel, cook, relax, together 24/7 as many years as we have, I need a little time away now and then. We have reached a point in our lives, where we don’t even need to speak, because we know what each other is going to say. When he is trying to tell me something and can’t remember the subject, I fill it in for him.

NaturallyMe's avatar

@RANGIEBABY I’m sure you wouldn’t change anything, i didn’t mean to imply that it’s a bad thing needing a vacation from your spouse! :)


@NaturallyMe No problem, I didn’t take it that way. :)

YARNLADY's avatar

@RANGIEBABY My Aunt and Uncle worked together in their business for over 50 years and loved every minute of it. Now that she has passed on, he has his ministry work to help keep him going, and is surrounded by his children and grandchildren.

cmomoCPA's avatar

This is a question only you in the relationship can answer. This is your relationship, what are you feeling?

I’m not married, but from what I can see of my married friends they get sick of each other and go at it.

I would take a vacation from my wife…with my girl friend…maybe well meet a nice girl along the way. ;-)

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