Social Question

Akua's avatar

Would you feel guilty about not liking and ignoring your relatives?

Asked by Akua (4730points) August 28th, 2010

I have relatives (grandmother, aunts cousins, etc.) that I don’t like and I try to avoid them. They call ocassionally to ask for a favor and I don’t return their calls. When I was younger they were horribly neglectful to me and growing up they never helped me when I needed help the most. They don’t visit my home and my grandmother doesn’t display pictures of me or my kids in her house. But she has pics of everyone else. when they call the just ask for what they want, they never ask how my kids are doing. I dont think they have even seen my kids in the last 10 yrs. No birthday cards or calls. when i needed a place to stay back when i was an unwed teen with a baby, they all turned their backs on me. Now that I’m grown and happy and they are not really happy with their lives they want to call and be my friend. They are not family, they are relatives. BIG difference. I have decided that I won’t answer any more of their calls and that my life isn’t benefitted by having them a part of it. I just have no feelings for them. My grandmother is old now but if she passed away although I’d be sad for their loss, it would not hurt me very much because I didn’t have a relationship with her. It would be as if a stranger died. Anyone else feel this way about their relatives?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

18 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I don’t have any guilty feelings over not being crazy about Aunt Bitchy.and you can’t make me;)

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Nope. I have relatives I haven’t talked to in years, and don’t plan to in the future, and I’m fine with that.

My grandfather was one of those people. He died two years ago. I’m sad our relationship wasn’t what I wanted it to be, but I don’t believe that it would have been if I had kept talking to him, or that more time would have changed anything. I miss who he could have been to me, but not who he really was to me.

Austinlad's avatar

Great question. I’m not crazy about the newest generation of relatives, but there are some long-departed uncles and aunts I miss a lot.

SeventhSense's avatar

Your position seems reasonable to me considering the circumstances. As long as you have peace with it.

truecomedian's avatar

Are they Jehovah’s Witnesses? They like to shun their own. What a tangled web, if their that fucking petty about the pics your better off without them. Or you could take them back, and forgive them. Ive given you, no answer. Sorry I’m really stoned.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I don’t feel guilty about the lack of relationship between me and my dad. I am saddened by it at times because I see the type of father/daughter relationship my friends have with their dad’s and I wish I could have had that. I know that I tried to have the relationship and that he made his choice. With his choice, I’ve decided I will move forward with my live. I don’t attempt to call him and I don’t write or send cards. If he ever tried to come back into my life, I doubt I would give him another chance after all the things he has said and done. As long as you are okay with your decision, it doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks.

chyna's avatar

No you shouldn’t feel guilty. Your mental health comes first and foremost. Just because they are related, you do not have to like them or even associate with them.

Austinlad's avatar

And to answer your question more directly… I don’t feel the least bit guilty about not caring for the current crop of relatives. I live in a different than they.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

No guilty feelings here about who I ignore and avoid. I do it to not have unnecessary aggravation. I like to keep the people I’m close to and care about as safe as possible and that means not having embittered relatives who can function on fact away from them.

MacBean's avatar

I have quite a few relatives that make me feel like that. I don’t feel a bit guilty about it. Neither should you. ♥

Seek's avatar

Been three years for me, and I couldn’t be more content. There’s some lingering guilt about my baby sister, but she’s made it plain that she doesn’t miss me either. So, eff ‘em.

Nullo's avatar

It depends.

My uncle’s family has waxed pretty despicable over the years (greatest among their crimes: getting a reverse mortgage on my grandmother’s Bay Area house – with Grandma still in it – allegedly to pay for her care but in fact to fritter away on things like trips to the Ukraine. The money is now all spent, and now the bank wants the house and they’re talking about sending Grandma to a State-run home), and I have no compunctions about avoiding them, ignoring them, and badmouthing them behind their collective backs.

On the other hand, I have difficulty talking with the other grandfather, which saddens me. He’s a nice old guy, but for some reason conversations with him always fall flat or else become reminiscences about the same funny things that I said growing up.

casheroo's avatar

Nope. If I don’t like someone, I’ll just avoid being with them. Simple.

Akua's avatar

I want to thank everyone for taking the time to answer my question. I made peace with my decision but i wanted to make sure that I was being fair and not letting my emotions get the better of me. I really don’t have anything to say to those people and I figure why should I speak to them or have them in my life just because we are related? it wasn’t my choice to have them as relatives.

NaturallyMe's avatar

I only read about half of your story and that’s enough for me to say that you have nothing to feel guilty about in ignoring them. I would too. What a cheek they have.

serafina's avatar

I do and i don’t. My older sister was the ‘black sheep’ of the family and caused my parents stress and heartache since she was 15, this continued on to adulthood, she was a bad mother and made wrong choices in her personal life. The final straw with me was when she went out and her partner was working and she left her three kids home alone…i never spoke to her after that. It has been more than 10 years since i last spoke to her, and now my niece informs me that they are all coming to the area for a visit and i am dreading the confrontation. Guilty as i should not have let it go on for this long but yet not guilty as i have not allowed her in that time to play with my emotions… I feel quite stressed about it right now though.

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

I used to, but not anymore. My mother is the only one if her siblings who went through a divorce. So, my sister and I didn’t grow up with my cousins. We do say hi at family get-togethers and such, but there’s no connection at all and it kind of pisses me off when they act differently around us.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther