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malldesdoonie2's avatar

What should be done when you're extremely sexually frustrated?

Asked by malldesdoonie2 (26points) September 8th, 2010

Hey there I’m currently coming out of a 5 yr relationship with my sons father. We haven’t had sex for like yrs b4 this I’d say it’s been about 2½ yrs since ive had sex. I’m currently seeing someone who I went to school with we’re really starting to click and we have an awful lot in common and he seems to like me. He’s dying to have to sex with me but i think its too soon i told him id like to wait atleast a yr. He said that he would but I dont think that he will, on top of that im dying to have sex with him but i havent acted on my impulses because im scared that this will quickly turn into a “friend with benefits” scenario…but im sooooo frustrated somebody hellllllp lol

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34 Answers

Pandora's avatar

Oh, have the sex. You are just going to drive yourself bonkers and if both of you are sexually fustrated, it will seep into your relationship.

Seek's avatar

Woah. Drop the pressure, lady.

Putting time limits on your own desires… no wonder you’re frustrated. Just let the relationship take its natural course.

You want to do it, he wants to do it, you’re both consenting adults… what’s the problem?

malldesdoonie2's avatar

Thats true, BUT I want him for the long run and then there’s my son to consider and I think a yr would be more than enough time for me to get to know him more and actually have him around my kid…..Ohhh i don’t know anymore i think i AM going crazy.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Seeing how frustrated you are now, I can’t imagine this having a positive effect on your potential relationship.
Talk to him. Be open and honest, and I think you should go for it. There is always a risk in dating, and I have to think that you are still reeling emotionally from your divorce. Just be truthful with him and make sure you are on the same page. Abstaining isn’t going to be of any benefit if it is going to cause you distress in the relationship.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Don’t freak out about the sex. After my father died my mother finally started dating another man. I think it was about 2 years after my dad passed. She set all of us kids down and started explaining the sex part to us and how it didn’t affect her feelings for dad, etc. I was about 14 or 15, I looked at her, laughed and said “Good for you, get some.” She hit me, (On the shoulder) and then we all shared a laugh.

Blackberry's avatar

Just have sex, you’re not going to get married all over again that fast, that would be a mistake. You probably need to have some fun.

malldesdoonie2's avatar

@TheOnlyNeffie you’re right im POWERFUL frustrated lol and you’re also right about this not having a positive affect on the relationship…it’s just I dont know WHY but I just don’t get a good feeling about this if you what i mean.

malldesdoonie2's avatar

@Blackberry yes have fun now but what about later?

Blackberry's avatar

@malldesdoonie2 Then find someone that will wait a whole year just to have sex and fall in love with you?

malldesdoonie2's avatar

I’ll tell you guys another true confession he just came out of jail, he’s been there for about 4 yrs. So when he brings sex up as a topic in convo it sure does raise an eyebrow

malldesdoonie2's avatar

@Blackberry i find your sarcasm refreshing lol

Blackberry's avatar

@malldesdoonie2 Just look for good older man that has something going for him. If you have a bad feeling then don’t do anything.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@malldesdoonie2 What Blackberry just said. Good advice. Although if I was in jail for 4 years I’d be dying for some action.

chyna's avatar

Not a good situation. I would not want a guy that just got out of jail around my kid. Look for someone else.

Seek's avatar


See, we’ve left out some crucial information.

Why was he in jail? Four years in the pen is nothing to sneeze at. I very likely wouldn’t recommend having such a person around you much less your kids.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

A year? No one should wait a year for sex, no matter how special you think you are – though, clearly, he’s not hot stuff either.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

What else is giving you a bad feeling about this guy? The human BS detector is one of the more reliable senses we have. We just don’t use it enough.

malldesdoonie2's avatar

@Blackberry I’ve tried dating older guys, ones that had things going on for themselves,all types of older guys and it seems like they’re worse than men my own age (25).

Aster's avatar

In 4 years with time off for good behavior, I presume??
Scary but I.m a big chicken.

Your_Majesty's avatar

Just do it if you really want to fulfill your desire. You know there are also consequences from dating a person. This is guy is not an exception. If you really know this guy,he’s a good guy,then why don’t you do yourself a favor and give it a try?

malldesdoonie2's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe see?? thats why i dont want to just jump the gun b/c i suspect that thats why he’ feining interest

malldesdoonie2's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir he got charged with aiding a known felon? i dont know if im saying it properly

malldesdoonie2's avatar

oops that answer was meant for @Seek_Kolinahr

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@malldesdoonie2 More red flags. What kind of crowd does he hang out with?

Seek's avatar

Hm… Four years for aiding and abetting. That’s a damn long time.

A criminal charge of aiding and abetting or accessory can usually be brought against anyone who helps in the commission of a crime, though legal distinctions vary by state. A person charged with aiding and abetting or accessory is usually not present when the crime itself is committed, but he or she has knowledge of the crime before or after the fact, and may assist in its commission through advice, actions, or financial support. Depending on the degree of involvement, the offender’s participation in the crime may rise to the level of conspiracy.

It’s pretty safe to say the guy is a convicted criminal. Is that really your dream guy?

malldesdoonie2's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr not my dream guy just a good friend we grew up together

malldesdoonie2's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe he hangs out with a decent crowd but his best friend got himself into trouble and he tried to help him but ended up going down with him smh

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@malldesdoonie2 Heck of a best friend if he cost him four years of his life. My idea is I’m either all in or all out of committing to a relationship. If it doesn’t feel good hold off.

aprilsimnel's avatar

If you’re one of those people who believes that you can’t have sex with someone without the two people being in love? Test that belief. Perhaps you’ll learn that you really aren’t that person and you just went along with whatever you were taught about sex as a kid. You’re saying that you’re sexually frustrated. Your body is telling you something. You’re an adult. You can handle rejection, obviously, because you’re not falling apart over the end of a long-term relationship, are you? No, you aren’t. So if you bang a guy a few times and you both move on, that’s nothing, isn’t it? If your body is aching for sex, it’s cruel to deny yourself just based on some stuff you probably were taught at 10 or 12 that doesn’t apply to your life today.

As long as you keep it away from your kids and protect yourself, just have the sex. He doesn’t seem like a good long-term prospect, and you want to get laid so bad you’re overlooking that. Separate your urge to get laid from your desire for a relationship. This guy sounds like he’s only going to be able to give you the sex, anyway, and I’ll bet it’s all you want from this guy, too, but you’ve been too drummed in with “morals” to acknowledge that to yourself.

Seaofclouds's avatar

The frustration will have an affect on whatever relationship starts to develop. Talk to him about how you feel and go from there. Putting a set timeline on anything in a relationship is rarely a good idea. It’s best to let things flow naturally.

CMaz's avatar

What ever you do. Make sure you poop first.

ubersiren's avatar

You always have a say in what happens in your relationship. If you have sex, it doesn’t have to mean anything else. You can cut it off wherever and make it whatever you want if he agrees.

jca's avatar

i say be cautious but keep in mind this may not be the kind of guy for a long term relationship. not the kind of guy you want your kids looking up to. not the kind of guy your friends will think is a good catch. some friends might not want to be around him or you and him, so keep this all in mind.

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