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silvermoon's avatar

Why does it feel so wrong to let someone love me (Not sex related)?

Asked by silvermoon (753points) September 9th, 2010

Why does it feel so wrong to let someone love me? (Not sex related). I feel like I can’t tell family that I have someone who loves me and even too shy/scared to change my status on facebook. How can I be like this?

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15 Answers

ducky_dnl's avatar

I feel the same. I am incapable of reciprocating love or feelings similar to that. I feel bad because I know I feel nothing like that for the people that feel it for me, whether it’s romatically or love that a family member/friend would give me. I am a bit confused about the “I feel like I can’t tell family that I have someone who loves me” part. You have someone loving you at the moment? If so, then do you feel bad with certain people loving you because you are being “loved” by another person?

cockswain's avatar

Maybe you don’t love yourself. Maybe a therapist could help.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Does your family have a pattern of teasing or being critical of others?

Ben_Dover's avatar

Who cares if you change your FB status? You should really try to fix this. It is awful going through life unable to love or be loved.

ducky_dnl's avatar

Wait! You changed your question information. Okay, now I have to give you a different answer. Have you possibly been teased by family or friends? Teasing can really lower your self esteem, or maybe you’re scared of looking like a fool? Either one is do because of either teasing or a negatve image of yourself.

MacBean's avatar

I’m like that. I have no problem giving love but when it comes to receiving it, I get uncomfortable. I guess I just don’t feel like I deserve it. (And this is after therapy has actually made it better than it once was. Awesome.~)

stardust's avatar

I agree with @cockswain. It’s something worth exploring through therapy.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Sometimes, people are afraid to be vulnerable to someone who loves them.

Frenchfry's avatar

Sounds like a privacy issue .You like to keep things to yourself especially when it comes to matters of the heart. SO people don’t ask you questions all the time and if it don’t work out well noone would know? Just a guess. I can be a very private person myself with certain things.

BoBo1946's avatar

@silvermoon your family should be the first to know. Why do they scare you?

BratLady's avatar

Has something happened in your life that made you feel you’re unworthy of love? It is possibly an age issue? Maybe you don’t want to be hurt if things don’t work out. Love yourself first and know that like everyone else, you deserve to be loved.

Ponderer983's avatar

You have to love yourself before you can accept love from others, first of all. Secondly, I tend to be more private with my love life than other areas, but not to this extent. The intimate details of my relationships (and I’m not just talking sexual intimacy) are kept between me and my mate, but not the fact that we are together at all. Question – are you afraid of it not working out and then having everyone know you “failed” at a relationship? I used to feel this way, but as I’ve gotten older, you realize many relationships fail for many reasons, and that does not make you less of a person!

Neizvestnaya's avatar

It might not be so much about accepting their love as you not trusting them to be vulnerable. Giving is easier than receiving, I think. You don’t have to trust to give what you want to someone else, you do it because it feels good. Receiving is totally different, you have to trust to believe in someone and to accept their intent behind their words and actions. There are so many layers to being vulnerable, safely where you won’t feel like you’ll be ridiculed, taken advantage of or deceived and hurt.

silvermoon's avatar

My mum has mainly raised me and my brother – my parents split when I was young. In my teen years my dad verbally abused me for a while and sometimes I think that may have changed me a little. I guess i’m worried about what my family would say if they found out I had a boyfriend and that hes “indian” – 2 important male figures in my life my Grandfather and dad I guess you could say are a bit racist. My dad is particular racist towards indians (I can’t stand it because alot of my friends are indian and well my boyfriend is too). My biggest concern is my grandfather and his reaction toward my boyfriend not being “white” he is always telling mum how proud he is of me and i’d really hope that he wouldn’t be disappointed in me. I’ve always struggled with my confidence levels and can be pretty shy – at my age 22 ive started to think if I lose this guy will I ever find another guy thats anywhere near the same as him. I know it’s too soon to say I love him since we have only been seeing each other since June this year (known him since Nov last year) but honestly I think I do love him – not the same feeling as a silly high school crush. At this stage only my mum knows about my boyfriend and shes not too happy about it because of a fight myself and boyfriend had, all she does is now tell me “your old enough to make your own choices”. I know being my mother she will be there if/when things crash and tumble and I must admit my friends that are saying my boyfriend is bad for me I know they will just say they were right all along.

lonelydragon's avatar

Has your family ever made you feel unloved? It is difficult to believe that others can love us if the people who are supposed to give us unconditional love withold it from us.

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