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Franki's avatar

How should I broach the idea of moving cities with my husband?

Asked by Franki (9points) February 22nd, 2019 from iPhone

I want to move to a new city, but I don’t think my husband will entertain the idea let alone want to. He might dig his heels in and the mention of this will iritate him. He’s not mean or abusive in anyway. He’s just stuck in his ways and wouldn’t have the confidence or patience to put in the effort and see it through. He has a great job here. In 11 years he worked his way up from staff to a well paid mid management posistion. He doesn’t have a degree or qualifications, he will be very worried about his job. I don’t mind staying but the urge to move and start over again is there. Im craving a new life and bigger space and slowly pace of life for us and the kids. He also wants those things. I don’t want to move hundreds of miles away because we have family and parents here. we currently live in London.

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6 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

Before you raise the question with him, it might help to reflect on why you want to move.

A move for a different place to raise kids is common, although depending on their ages it can also be very disruptive to them.

And would your husband be able to get an equivalent job easily, or would it be a struggle?

JLeslie's avatar

How old are you both?

Having a good job he likes is extremely important. Do you work also?

Maybe there are compromises you can make. I would talk about it as a goal for the future and explore other areas, fun day trips, see a tourist spot while there, and vacation in some of the places you want to consider. Small comments like you can see living in a place like this one day, while walking around, or asking him about, but just don’t overdo, he’ll feel manipulated. This plants the seed, and more importantly if he himself at some point wants to change jobs (anything can happen, a new manager he doesn’t like, new owner of the company, gets bored over time,...) this idea of moving to a new city will be there.

You’ll see how receptive he is as you go. You have to have some patience though. Most men care very much about “providing” for their wife in my experience. Happy wife happy life.

Franki's avatar

Thank you so much for your answers!

We are in our mid 30s and yes I work part time at the moment because we 2 children,1 yr and 5yrs old. We plan to buy our current home by the end of the year. It’s quite small for us but a great location so we will stick it out and live here for a few more years so that we can remortgaged and buy a new house. If we could i’ll just move to a new place and buy and new home but longterm it makes financial sense to buy our current place first.

seawulf575's avatar

I think there are several pieces here. One is why do you want to move? Is it that the house is too small or the neighborhood is going downhill or something like that? Or do you just feel bored and want to move? Where do you want to move? Is it 5 miles away or 50 miles away? What will that do to his ability to commute to work? Will it require for him to spend hours commuting each day? Will it require him to give up his job? Does the proposed move mean you will be spending more on housing? I think you need to get your own thoughts in order before you bring it up to him. Get an understanding of what you want and why, what the benefits and detriments of that would be, and then approach him.

gorillapaws's avatar

I completely agree with @seawulf575. Do your homework. Look into real estate in the areas you want to relocate to. Research job opportunities available with your husband’s qualifications. Make a budget. Will you have to work full time also? How much will child care be if you both have to work? Do the work to make a more involved plan and run through the pros and cons. If you’ve really thought things through, that will make having a conversation with your husband that much easier. Giving up a job that pays well and that you’re technically underqualified for would be really difficult for most people (especially men) to do.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Sounds like you are bored.

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