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ducky_dnl's avatar

Everything feels like a mistake to me, help?

Asked by ducky_dnl (5378points) September 17th, 2010

I don’t know what’s going on with me, but everything I do… I seem to regret doing and it feels like a mistake to me. I just started dating a guy two days ago, but I’m not happy about it. He’s a sweetheart, but I’m regretting the relationship. It’s not the only the relationship. I feel horrible when I switch my normal routine. I know it’s because I’m starting to change things around in my life, but if I’m not feeling right about anything and it’s only making me depressed, shouldn’t I just continue on the path I was on? Should I just force myself to get through the feelings I’m feeling now? I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I know and know for a fact that I can’t wallow in my pain and past heartbreak for the rest of my life, but it seems impossible for me to get around. I feel wrong about everything and I’ve been thinking that my life is pointless. I feel like I have nothing to live for.. Help? What am I gonna do when I feel like the happy, life-loving ducky is gone?

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10 Answers

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

First, can you take some time to meditate. I’m not talking about sitting on the floor or anything fancy. Just sit in a chair and concentrate on your breathing. Count your breaths.

Next, know that everything is going to be okay. It may not be okay right away, and you may go through some pain, but in the end, it’s all going to work out.

If you think you’re in the wrong relationship, be honest with the other person. Tell them that you’re not ready. Ask for some time. They will understand.

Breathe. Eat healthy food. Get a little exercise. Walk around a park. Feel the air. Hug yourself.

{{{HUG}}} There’s a virtual one from me.

CaptainHarley's avatar

You may be having some mild anxiety attacks. If I were you, I’d visit my physician and tell him or her about this .. see what she/he says.

Cruiser's avatar

Sounds like you are still carrying around some baggage from your last relationship. You may need to step back and take a breather before bringing someone else into your life. Tell the guy this… open and honest and he just might understand and appreciate your honesty.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Are you expecting too much out of the changes you’re making? Making too many changes at once? I read somewhere that it takes at least 30 days for a change or new habit to feel familiar.

I agree with @HawaiiJake. If the relationship doesn’t feel right, tell the other person. Just because the person is a sweetheart, it doesn’t mean he’s right for you at this moment.

MissA's avatar

You might try journaling. It’s a great way to get to know yourself.

BoBo1946's avatar

Ducky…you have some great answers here. If this does not work, you might consider seeing a good therapist. And, I emphasize seeing a good one.

Really like Jake’s answer.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@ducky_dnl you’re 17, I think, is that right?

When I was 17 (and for I don’t want to tell you how many years after that) nearly everything I did felt “wrong”. I couldn’t say the right things in class, to friends, to girls, especially. I couldn’t dance. I couldn’t even make new friends, and the ones I had were drifting away. I had acne. I had braces on my teeth. I had no money and a lousy after-school job. I wasn’t even doing the work in school that I could have; I was just drifting.

Then I got into marijuana and made things worse. (So don’t do that.)

But I loved sailing. So whenever I could, I sailed. It was just a small boat in a relatively small lake. Nothing special at all. But I was out there, and I got away from everything else that was “wrong” and I did what was right for me, and I sailed. When I didn’t sail I read, which was the other thing that has always worked in my life.

I won’t say that those things saved me. Not at all. I can hardly see how those things by themselves or anything like them would “save” anyone. But doing the things that I loved let me get outside of my head for awhile and let me “clear the mechanism” (a line from For Love of the Game, a love story movie wrapped around a baseball game, and it applies here, believe it or not).

Your mechanism is fine. You just have to stop overthinking it for awhile. It’s the meditation thing: find what works for you to let you “clear the mechanism” in your mind. Find a thing in your life that gives you joy to do, and do that thing for awhile. Enjoy. Clear the mechanism. Let it get to work without you thinking about it all the time.

By the way, it’s working for me again. I’m back sailing again when I can (and nearly drowning myself in the process) and feeling as if I were 17—and doing it right this time. Let me tell you, to subtract 40 years from your chronological age and feel 17 from the other side of 50 feels WAY better than doing it the first time.

kess's avatar

Living for this physical reality is vain, and your perspective of it’s pointlessness is real.

Therefore please change your perspective about this life, because ONLY when you can see beyond it is then you really begin to LIVE.

This means living for the Good ( the Spiritual), for all things exist by it.
Think it, live it, be it.
There are many opportunities to do this among those you meet, look for them actively.

And Truth found within you always shows the way to that Good and without fail..

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Are you still in school? Are you looking into a vocation or further general ed after school, through a college?
When I was still in my teens then I thought just showing up at a college was going to set something off in my head about what I was good at or wanted to be. You probably are a whole lot more worldly and know you have to actively look into vocations now rather than rely on getting a general degree and then falling into a decent paying job later. Explore around, research some field and find a near future focus. Make it your side hobby instead of making relationships out of short term dates. Remind yourself dates or more of distractions unless you’re interviewing for a spouse.

Do you have a job?
Never underestimate the fulfilling power of being able to take care of yourself or do for yourself and others.

MissA's avatar


Your advice is well-spoken.
Common sense wisdom for many.
Lots of good advice above in other
posts, as well.

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