Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

When you were in high school, how important was it for you to find boy/girl friend? What about in college (if you went)?

Asked by wundayatta (58638points) October 8th, 2010


We get so many questions here about “does he like me” or “how can I keep him” or “how can I get a girlfriend” and the like. A lot of these seem to come from teenagers—age thirteen on up. Some seem to come from older folks in their twenties. By the time folks get into their thirties, it’s more about infidelity and should I stay with him/her, etc.

I know that finding a lover/partner/spouse is very important to just about everybody, but what I’m wondering is when it became important to you, and how important was it. Some people, it’s all they think of. Others are “eh, it’ll happen when it happens.” Others don’t care at all for a while, and then suddenly it hits them—like women in their late thirties who find (apparently suddenly) that their opportunity to have a baby is just about gone.

So how important was it? When did it become important? How crazy do you think you were then, looking back on it from your perspective now (or, if you are in it, how crazy does it feel)?

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25 Answers

BoBo1946's avatar

Too busy to worry about it. Playing high school and college basketball consumes lot of energy! Also, I had a poor background academic wise and had to study more than most to keep my grades up to an acceptable level.

MacBean's avatar

It’s never felt important to me. I’ve had boyfriends and girlfriends but when it ends I never feel like I’m missing anything and I’m not in a big hurry to find a new one.

Loried2008's avatar

It was important to me the moment I hit high school, but my reasons may be different from others. I was home schooled for 8 long years (3rd-8th grade) and I longed for social interaction. Also I longed for affection, having a large family and also having a bi-polar mother, I was the very definition of needy. So when the opportunity to have that attention presented itself in the form of a boyfriend.. I was attached and it consumed my every thought. Thankfully, I got over my “need” to have a person glued to my side.

Aesthetic_Mess's avatar

I’m in high school. I couldn’t care less in finding a boyfriend. I have more important things to worry about

Loried2008's avatar

@Aesthetic_Mess That’s great! I wish I would have been like that I would have been soo much happier.

Deja_vu's avatar

When I was in school I really didn’t care. Maybe it’s because so many people were hooking up with the same people and I thought it was gross, after high school I cared but they did NOT go to my high school. In high school I was fine with the people that cruched on me and the ones I crushed on, but that was it. I was virgin ‘till after high school and I’m glad. So many people in my high school where sluts.

Aesthetic_Mess's avatar

@Loried2008 Well to each their own. I just don’t want a boyfriend. My best friend has one, and it is too much drama. The way they carry on in high school is ridiculous. She acts like her whole life revolves around him. That just doesn’t appeal to me

Loried2008's avatar

@Aesthetic_Mess That’s awesome :) Good for you!

rts486's avatar

Girlfriends were nice in HS and college, but I didn’t go looking for one. I did have a friend in HS who always had to have a girlfriend. When he broke up with one, within a week he would have another. I liked the guy a lot, but I thought it was pretty sad when somebody had to have a girlfriend.

muppetish's avatar

This has never been one of my priorities and I have caught flak with it from friends in the past. In high school, I was only interested in developing friendships as my primary focus was on academics. At university, I just didn’t feel like I would have the time or energy. I thought being in love would change that outlook and I’d feel the dating thing would feel necessary… it hasn’t been though. I’m content with the feelings of loving and being loved.

I know a few people who just hate life without having someone there with them. Others aren’t looking for a connection so much as status or sex.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

In high school it wasn’t important to me at all.I didn’t have a “real” boyfriend until I was 19.
In college,I did have a boyfriend.His name was Horny F&cker. XD

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

You really have a way of asking questions and making people, or at least me, think about inner feelings that may have fleetingly come to the surface at some point, but were gone in an instant. Thank you for your talents.

In high school, I liked the idea of having a boyfriend, but since the vast majority had grown up together, even puberty didn’t change the way I looked at them. They were still childhood playmates and friends. Listening to girlfriends’ horror stories of their first sexual experiences was enough to keep me from succumbing to any pressure by a date.

College brought a plethora of new people to meet, but the guys were either into heavy partying or obsessed with sports; neither of which appealed to me. The intellectual ones pretty much kept to themselves.

Now that I think about it, the driving factor not to worry about it probably stems from having siblings much older (by 6, 13, and 14 years). Being exposed to their relationships allowed me to view the benefits of healthy ones, as all were married by the time I entered college. And as much as I enjoy children, I’ve never had the strong desire to have a child.

I gave up on the idea of ever getting married and focused on living a healthy, independent lifestyle. The plan was to become a wealthy, eccentric spinster living in a Victorian house with a dozen cats and dote on the nieces and nephews.

That got chucked a couple of years ago when I accidentally met a wonderful man. We are both in our mid-40s, never married, and neither of us want children. If there really was such a thing as the ideal person for each of us, I have found mine.

lucifer's avatar

I’ve been dating this girl for the past three years and things are going Great !! I don’t really know when it happened, it may have been on the first day she came to school with her hair all done up and looking like she had come to a fashion show (O_O), or the time she screamed at this bully (In the middle of class, there was a sudden F*CK YOU !! and everyone was turning around and wondering wtf? and there she was, smiling sheepishly after kicking this guy’s ass) or it may have been the vision of her dressed to kill, coming to a prep class at 5:30 in the morning (needless to say, the rest of us looked like we had just got out of bed o_O”)... Would I have gone out with somebody else if I hadn’t seen her then ? Probably not. Something about her… (well you get the picture right ? :P) Anyway, getting back to the point at hand, I asked her out… And now, I figure, you should NEVER ask someone out just cause of social obligation or peer pressure. Cause if you wait for the right one, age won’t matter :)

Aster's avatar

I’m sad to say having both was of major importance to me all though high school and college. I wish I had cared more about academia than dating but it was a lot of fun.

ucme's avatar

I didn’t really, they kind of found me. Some of us don’t have to try, we just got that thang :¬D

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16, the year I graduated so it was a non issue for the most part. My group of girl friends pretty much hung out with the same group of guy friends from our Jr. High days, all of us not being allowed to date, wear makeup, “go downtown”, that kind of thing. I used to daydream about having someone to go to dances with or walk hand in hand with through the halls, typical stuff.

Once I went to college then I was too busy working and studying to “date”. I had hookups with co workers but never anyone from school. I met my future ex husband in college though, we became best friends and pretty much monopolized each others time for the next few years before dating each other and then marrying.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I’ve never been single for an extended period of time since I was about 14. When I was 14, it was necessary to have a person to be with, I suppose but I was pretty dumb then. Since I haven’t ever really been single, I don’t know if the desire to have a partner has changed. I think I’d be okay single but just as risky about love.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I was always “dating” people, but I pretty much refused to commit to anyone. So having a b/f or g/f was never really important to me, but at the same time much like @Simone_De_Beauvoir said I can’t really remember a time when I wasn’t at least seeing someone else. They were extremely casual relationships, but it never required actively seeking them out. I do remember a stretch of time in my late teens when I was not dating anyone, and I remember enjoying it immensely. So I suppose it wasn’t too important to me.

YARNLADY's avatar

In high school, I thought I was the only girl who didn’t have a boyfriend, and it was on my mind all the time. My sister had a lot of dates, but I stayed home and felt miserable.

Serevaetse's avatar

I was one of the lucky girls that steered clear of drama, had tons of friends, was slightly disconnected from caring too much (although I took so many things personally and cared way too much for other’s feelings) and was therefore not desperately scrambling around for a boyfriend. In fact, I broke up with my first boyfriend, even though I thought I was ‘in love’ just because I didn’t want to ‘jynx’ anything, or get too close because I knew we wouldn’t last. It’s hard to explain, but I’m not that kind of person and I wish others would see how meaningless it is to want a boyfriend/relationship.

perspicacious's avatar

It was never important to me. Then I met my husband when I was 16.

BratLady's avatar

I was more interested in having friends of both sexes than being involved with just one guy. Hubby and I had been friends for 3 years. Dated 7 months then married when I was 17. I was already married when I attended Community College so I wasn’t looking for anything more than my degree in Nursing.

tranquilsea's avatar

It was never really important to me. There were guys I had crushes on but I was in no real rush to get into a relationship.

I started to seriously date when I was 16 or 17. I really liked the guys I dated but I wasn’t ready for a relationship so I always ended up breaking up with them. When I was serious about relationships I kept dating…my husband.

mandybookworm's avatar

I focus on school, and extracurriculars that’s it. I don’t have time for guys (or anyone else for that matter). I can get a boyfriend later on.

Rubrica's avatar

I detest the idea of dating while in secondary school. The notion of someone my age in a relationship analogous to a real-life, adult one is absurd! Children need to focus on learning, and maybe then they’ll get good grades and a nice job. There’ll be plenty of time for dating afterwards; years and years to learn in.

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