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john65pennington's avatar

What makes some married couples stay together forever, while other couples do not last a year?

Asked by john65pennington (29057 points ) October 11th, 2010

The time has just flown by. Today, my wife and I celebrate our 45 th wedding anniversary. We are both proud of our commitment to make an example of our marriage for younger people to follow. Sometimes they do, mostly they do not. We have had ups and downs, but we manage to overcome any obstacle that faces us.Question: What makes some couples stay together forever, while other couples cannot last a year in their marriage?

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17 Answers

marinelife's avatar

Congratulations on quite an achievement!

Couples who cannot last a year in their marriages either married the wrong person or do not have the skills or commitment to work at marriage, which is what a lasting marriage takes.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Congratulations John!!
Here’s a tune for you


Frenchfry's avatar

Holy Cow! Congrats! What did you get her? If anything? What will you do today? Some people are better at communication, and comprimising then others. Some people just fall out of love. You must be doing something right.

cookieman's avatar

Congratulations sir!

While there are many reasons people divorce after a short time, I’ve always felt that most people don’t realize that marriage is just as much work as it is love.

My basic math goes like this:
40% Love, Lust & Friendship
40% Hard Work & Cooperation
10% Apathy
10% Pure Suck

CMaz's avatar

“How can it be, that we have been married 45 years today?”

How? Because your/our generation taught sacrifice and dedication.
You did not grow up in a disposable society.

As you said, some get it. Most don’t. That life example is getting harder to see.

That is fantastic to hear!

janbb's avatar

Inertia. (But Mazel Tov anyway.)

Trillian's avatar

Conratulations John. You are fortunate to have someone to be with for so long. Well done! :-)

tranquilsea's avatar

Congratulations on 45 years!

My answer to your question: Too many couples believe in “happily ever after” when in fact there can be many times when things are not happy. The first 5 years, for my husband and I, were the hardest of our marriage. There were times when I wanted to walk out and I’m sure he did too. But we kept at it. We are fair fighters. No name calling or disparaging comments.

For me, it is not the end of the world if I go through a period of time when I’m not feeling very in love with him. That’s because I know that eventually I will. When I feel like that I know that I need to do something to show my love and appreciation for him.

Finally, it is good to have someone in your life who has been there and done that and is happily married. They can provide some valuable insight into the dry periods.

I’ve been married for 16 years and I am more in love with my husband now than I ever have been and I believe he feels the same.

john65pennington's avatar

Thanks all for your answers. yes, i am a fortunate person and i too, realized this after our first five years of adjustment to each other. she is “still the one that can scratch my itch”.

Seaofclouds's avatar

Happy anniversary John!

As for your question, I think @ChazMaz got it with the whole disposable mentality that many people have these days.

tinyfaery's avatar

Is there some law that says a person has to stay with one person, no matter what, for their whole lives? People change, relationships change. To hold on to something/someone out of some ridiculous notion of being together forever, even when all parties would be better apart, is not a positive value, nor is it an ideal that should continue.

Good for you that you found someone to love an who loves you. It’s not that easy for many people.

incendiary_dan's avatar

Most divorces are due to money problems, or at least have that as a primary source of arguments.

Maybe if people didn’t spend $20,000 on their weddings (average) they would have money to, you know, live and junk.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Aster's avatar

GA , @ChazMaz ! You never fail to impress. And all my best wishes to you and wifey , John.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

So what you’re really asking is why you and your wife made it so long and that you think it merits congratulations? The answer is because you cared to. Same for other couples.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. I believe what you and your spouse have is what many lack; you have kept the avenues of communication open, and treat each other with respect. Unless you can respect and see the other’s position then it becomes a competition on who is going to win. Your love grew like an amber in a shake roof it grows in heat unlike many who’s love is more surfaces based and start out hot then burns out leaving nothing but ash.

Many people fail to see the similarities of marriage as a business, structure wise. If you were in a partnership with someone you would talk things out in a rational manner, you don’t start screaming and throwing things about the conference room. You don’t sling insults and if you do you still have to work with your business partner, and you surely can’t bolt and go form another partnership without the blessing of the current partner to let you out of the agreement.

If you have the fear of loss over the desire to gain or feel you are losing your freedom as more than they desire to have a mate in a committed relationship for life. They believe with their head they do but in the back of their mind they don’t believe because they want an “escape clause” something that allows them to walk away if the heat get too hot in the kitchen. That is why they say “we love each other we don’t need a ring or a piece of paper to show it”. I believe many believe the prolonged lust as love and desire to marry because of that then get bitter once the ambers cool and the excitement of the new relationship passes. They never get to the day to day thinking and when it hits them they are unprepared.

Marriage that is the problem, it is how it is managed by those who get married. Those who choose not to marry I suspect know in the back of their mind the one they chose is not forever or they (both) will somehow muck it up so it is best not be officially attached by marriage.

You two were committed to sew the thread of life together over tearing the relationship apart at the seams.

iamthemob's avatar

I’m with @Hypocrisy_Central on this one – communication is key – knowing how to talk, when to talk, and when not to talk. The “business” aspects of the marriage are where this often falls apart – arguments about money are so, so common. Talking about them in a professional manner should be the goal.

The goal, of course, and not the common practice. ;-)

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