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wundayatta's avatar

What kind of boy trouble have you gone through with your daughter?

Asked by wundayatta (58367 points ) December 3rd, 2010

My daughter, age 14, has not yet displayed an interest in boys. Many of her friends have, and they usually come to her when the troubles get serious. She’s their relationship advisor.
it seems that she’s pretty good, although I think her advice is somewhat traditional. But that is neither here nor there.

She has mentioned on a number of occasions that she doesn’t want to dip her feet in that pond, a) because she wants to save her time for studying and b) because she doesn’t think she’s mature enough. So, it doesn’t look like I’ll be generating my own stories any time soon.

I would, however appreciate hearing your stories, so I can get some idea of what others experience. What kind of boy trouble have you experienced with your teen daughter? Or girl trouble, if that’s the issue with her.

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14 Answers

cockswain's avatar

My daughter is 12 and getting interested in boys. I’m very envious your daughter is 14 and hasn’t. I haven’t really gone though anything yet, other than some mental consternation. I feel there is nothing I can do to stop it, so I’m ensuring she stays apprised of important information to make responsible decisions in the (hopefully far off) future.

cheebdragon's avatar

Please don’t tell me you are complaining about your teenage daughter not wanting boys to get in the way of her education?!?!? Do you have ANY idea how lucky you are?!?! Teenage girls are usually annoying, but boycrazy teenage girls are pure torture…

Blueroses's avatar

Not as a parent, but as a daughter: I was shamed in the 3rd grade with an innocent kiss that got pulled into “mediation” and possible “sexual harassment”. It was horrifying. We were called into the principal’s. Our parents were called. We were kids.

I had little interest in getting into trouble after that until it all exploded at the age of 16. But I kept that “it’s a bad thing” in the back of my mind forever.
my partner in crime from that episode is in a happy relationship with another man

wundayatta's avatar

@cheebdragon I’m not complaining. I could be bragging, but I am serious about the question. I want to get an idea about the range of behaviors people have experienced. Sooner or later, she’s got to enter the fray.

cheebdragon's avatar

My mom would be horrified if she knew all of the stupid things I did when I was a teen. lol, but she would beat the shit out of me if she knew how many times my friends and I would meet random guys at 7/11 or the mall, and we were dumb enough to leave with total strangers to go get high or party…we were 13!!! You don’t want to experience that, trust me.

YARNLADY's avatar

I am so glad I never had to face that. It’s bad enough to worry about boys and their girlfriends.

lillycoyote's avatar

I can only answer as a former daughter not as a mother but am I getting this right? Your 14 year old daughter thinks she may not be mature enough to get involved with boys and prefers to study???? She sounds like a girl who absolutely has her head screwed on right. Count your blessing and give her the world’s biggest hug and I love you. Why are you looking for stories about people who have had trouble with their teenage daughters when you seem to have an absolutely wonderful one who has her priorities straight?

and don’t get all over me because you think I’ve read too much into your question. That’s what I see in it and that’s the answer I’m giving. Take it or leave it, it’s your choice. :-)

JilltheTooth's avatar

@wundayatta : Take is as a good sign that your daughter is on the receiving end of the stories from her friends, she gets to hear how silly and angst ridden it sounds, she’ll think twice before diving in. Mine was a bit like that, too, didn’t really have a first boyfriend until she was 16. He was a nice kid, the relationship had its ups and down but wasn’t awful, and lasted for a year. Since then, with the exception of a false start or two, her relationships have been sound and long term. Hopefully, yours will keep her priorities in some kind of order. There will still be tears about things you can’t figure out, and there’ll be at least one learning experience with an idiot boy whom you’ll want to smack, but it sounds to me like you can trust her instincts.. You’ll do fine, so will she.

john65pennington's avatar

My daughter has alway been tall. she is almost 6 ft. tall. she gets her height from her dad, me.

When my daughter was 16, she begged us to please let me go to this party. the party was close to where we live and i thought i knew the parents good enough, for my daughter to go. boy, was i wrong.

Coming home from seeing a movie, my wife talked me into “checking up” on our daughter at the party. we parked in a church parking lot, which is next door to the house party. we had a clear view of all the outside activities. to our surprise, we observed our daughter walking around outside with a wine cooler in her hand. we could not decide on whether to approach her at that point, or wait until she came home. my wife said, “lets go now”. we approached the closed basement door and i knocked. my daughter answered the door with another wine cooler in her hand. needless to say, i saw red. inside, on the basement floor, were approximately 15 to 20 underage teenagers….........drinking alcohol!. i told everyone to stay seated. an adult female came walking down the basement steps, holding a can of Budweiser in her hand. i told her to stop and wait for me. she did. i then looked at my watch and made this statement to the teenagers: “drop your alcohol. you have two minutes to leave this house and go home”. you have never seen such a mad dash made by 15–20 teenagers. some took out walking(running), some got in their cars and departed.

It was now time for the “party mother”. i immediatley advised her that i could arrest her for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, 15 times, one for each minor present. instead, i gave her a warning. two months later, they sold this house and moved.

Needles to say, my daughter was embarrassed by me for my actions at the party. i told her that she was lucky i did not arrest everyone for drinking alcohol. my daughter was grounded for 30 days and she did her time.

My point here is that teenage daughters trust can be very unpredictable. you have to play everything by ear and one situation at a time.

My daughter is now 41 and has children of her own. she watches them like a hawk.

gailcalled's avatar

Since my daughter was in the school where I worked and where my then-husband was the Headmaster, I knew all the kids and I learned lots of useful information by acting invisible some of the time.

During the summer after ninth grade, my daughter (unbeknownst to me) accepted a collect call from Sweden. I was able to winkle out the culprit when the phone bill arrived. And from then on she had a swarm of awkward, pimply-faced boys trailing after her.

My presence kept things under control.Then, in 11th grade, she and a terrific kid (son of one of our English teachers and a birthright Quaker) fell in love.

During her senior year, she left a diaphragm and the kit on her bathroom sink. That allowed us to have a chat. I am sure she dropped it there on purpose. She and the boyfriend had gone to Planned Parenthood together to obtain information and the birth control. They stayed together until her senior year at college.

In spite of clumsiness and lack of clarity, I managed to make the right decisions most of the time. A combination of awareness, respect and trust, I guess.

generalspecific's avatar

oh man. I wasn’t a piece of cake for my parents, but my younger sister is certainly giving them grief. I’m the “bad” sister, smoke weed, wasn’t great at school etc. I march to a different drummer. However, my sister was always the good one, so sweet and always got straight A’s, very well behaved and a mommas girl. Problem is she doesn’t talk about her problems. Last year she started dating this guy, a year older. Lost her virginity to him and everything, and he’s a huge drunk. I’m pretty sure he just basically uses her because they’re no longer in a realationship, but she will tell you they “kind of” are. Ugh, its just frustrating beyond belief. First love, she’s super attached, and doesn’t wanna let it end. After a point, all you can really do is let them learn for themself. She won’t listen to anyone, and wont tell anyone the details of whatever she’s doing. I just hope she snaps out of it soon, when she gets out of highschool or something. Oh, and they didn’t start dating til she was about 17. So you could still be in for some ridiculous stuff. However, I was always boy crazy and I lost my v-card at age 15. I learned a lot from all that so by the time I was around more dangerous situations like parties and drinking, I was wise to stay away from certain boys and whatever. Anyway, good luck with your daughter, hopefully it all goes smoothly but the world is an awful place right now, people are so corrupt and evil. People need to smarten up now that they have to deal with all the temptations of the world that we have such easy access to.

elp's avatar

I’m 17, so obviously still the teenage daughter. I started dating when I was about 13 and had my first kiss then. My mother works in my school district so I was completely terrified that she would find out. I don’t know why I thought it was a big deal but it just ate at me. I sat her down one day like I was telling her I was pregnant or something and started pacing. I ended up just bawling and told her I’d kissed a boy. She responded with “thats it? really? calm down, it’s fine”. Needless to say they don’t have much of a problem with me since my conscience would eat away at me if I did something truly appalling.

AZByzantium's avatar

I am sorry to break it to you, but your daugther’s answers are way to perfect.

Here’s the thing. A) The fact that you are asking this question goes to show you are far from relaxed about teenagers and relationships, B) unless your daughter is a dummy she realizes this.

If your daughter has her period and all her friends are exploring “boy world”, I guaruntee she is too. My parents kept a very close watch on me, and despite the tremendous guilt I felt, that never stopped me. Now grant it, I was a total ugly duckling case. I was gangly and awkward, and then all of a sudden BAM, at 14 all my looks started to kick in. The attention was great, and after years of gettting picked on I was happy to accept.

My advice would be to be open and happy about any relationship your daughter might bring up. My parents were way to harsh and therefore I just became better at hiding my relationships, which got me into dangerous situations with men who had the power to hurt me….all which could have been prevented if I could have been open with my parents.

Aster's avatar

With the older daughter I went through years and years of crying and bad moods over her boyfriends. Dumping her, etc. It was dreadful. And it continues!!! With the younger one No Problems at all. She didn’t have many boyfriends and wasn’t obsessed with boys. She was on Student Council and Gifted/Talented classes while her older sister was smoking weed , drinking and constantly on the phone with boys. Somehow, I survived it all. They remain totally different.
I was somewhere in the middle and caused my mother grief, yes, but it wasn’t nearly as bad.

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