Social Question

Britt's avatar

Why do I feel this way?

Asked by Britt (7 points ) December 26th, 2010

My boyfriend and I have had a yo-yo relationship for three years, since I was eleven. He has cheated multiple times and called me a whore when I confronted him. Yet through all this I still love him. I just want to know if anybody else has felt like this.

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16 Answers

wundayatta's avatar

I’m sure millions of women have felt this way. That doesn’t mean it’s a good way to treat yourself. If a guy calls you a whore, and you keep on going back to him, it probably means that you don’t think much of yourself. You’re 14, if my math is correct. Maybe you should take a break from boys and focus on school for a while. Just until your feeling settle down. Doing well in school helps you feel a lot better about yourself. Boys don’t seem as important after that.

faye's avatar

You need to run, run, run away from that stupid pig. He’ll only get worse. And what @wundayatta says.

chyna's avatar

At age 14, you don’t need to be called names by your “boyfriend”. At no age should you put up with being called names by anyone. There are boys out there that would be happy to treat you much better. But you don’t need a boyfriend to prove your self worth. Dump this loser and find yourself without him. Just have fun hanging out with friends.

zenvelo's avatar

Just so you know, HE does NOT love you. If he did, he would not treat you that way. Not even a little bit. Not even if he says he is sorry. YOU deserve better, and after taking a break for a while, look for someone who loves YOU, for who you are. and if they really love you, they won’t want to change you; they will treat you in a way that makes you know how special you are.

SuperMouse's avatar

Please, please, please read the answers above mine. Then read them again. And again. You are 14, your focus needs to be on school and preparing for your future. This boy has no concept of how to treat a girl and you do not deserve to be treated poorly because of his control issues and lack of self-esteem. Don’t sell yourself short, you are a worthy young person and you should absolutely turn and run from this fellow – and as @wundayatta says boys in general – as fast as you can.

Note: I know that you are at an age where you are tempted to think most of the advice coming from adults is designed merely to make your life miserable, but read through the answers you have gotten and are likely to get and trust The Collective on this one, drop this guy like a bad habit. Because in fact that is probably all that he really is.

ChocolateReigns's avatar

I’m 14. I love my life, without a real boyfriend (long story I why I put that “real” in there) and focusing on school. At this point in life, I’m focusing on doing what can make my life good now and later. Doing well in school puts you (or at least me) in a good mood, gives you a good reputation, and will help you in college. Having this guy, or any guy that treats you like this, in your life, will only make your life good for a couple days, weeks, or maybe months. Eventually it’ll fall apart and you’ll be depressed, eat a ton of chocolate, gain a few pounds, and be depressed even more, and it might change how people think of you. Take it from me and everybody else – it’s better to just focus on school.

everephebe's avatar

You start loving people you waste time on. So waste your time on people who are worth your love.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

He’s a cheat who calls you nasty names and you love him?
C’mon! You are 14 and should be concentrating on your schoolwork.When you don’t have that to do,you should be having fun with your friends instead of wasting your time with a jerk like that.

SamIAm's avatar

@ChocolateReigns: wise words young lady :)

Anemone's avatar

@Britt, what you’re feeling is entirely normal. I felt like that with my first boyfriend. It was really difficult. Most of the time we were fine and happy, but there was definitely some drama. The drama, because it ramps up your emotions, can make it hard to let go… it can make you think you’re in love beause the feelings are so intense.

That said, I have to agree with what some other people have said. This guy is treating you horribly. Even if you love him, you deserve a lot better… and that doesn’t mean you should try to make him treat you better. He’ll have to change on his own, with time, or maybe he never will. At any rate, you can only change your situation by getting out of this relationship. I promise, it will be far better for you.

Julietxx3's avatar

honestly . I know its hard but a guy shouldn’t treat you like that, please break up with him. and you too young. just end it. trust me you will be a lot happier. I went through this too and i broke up with him and I feel so happy now. at first, obviously I was sad, but now i feel… free, i guess thats the best way i can say it. good luck with whatever you choose to do ( :

perspicacious's avatar

You are 14. You are a kid. Have a boyfriend if you want to but relationships and love are for when you are older.

Jeruba's avatar

That’s not what love is.

Cruiser's avatar

Your home life must suck to have to find a sense of belonging and caring from someone who treats you so poorly. I feel for you kid…as hard as it may be to see past this jerk, you can do better.

wundayatta's avatar

I want to add to what @Anemone said. She spoke of “ramping up” your emotions and “drama.” I think that people have an awful lot of negative connotations to the word “drama,” so I prefer to talk about “intensity.”

When we feel very strongly about something, it feels like we matter. Our lives take on some added importance. If we feel this strongly it must mean something very important. That’s a feeling we can get addicted to. It makes our lives feel meaningful, and we can’t get enough of that.

You would think that the up and down would make you want to give it up, but in fact the down is just as good as the up. Both are intense and both make us feel like what we are doing is the most important thing in the world.

This is not just a teen thing, either. It happens to people of all ages. I’ve been ailing from that addiction for a few years now, and I’m over 50! It’s a kind of craziness. When we feel it, we can’t think straight any more, and it is the hardest thing in the world to give up because it feels like if you give it up, you might as well be dead.

There are things you can do to help yourself come to your senses. These things, however, are not often available to young people, either because they are too hard to understand or because you just don’t have an opportunity to learn them. However, if you can do yoga or meditate or dance or learn an instrument or anything that really focuses your mind on something very specific, then you will be able to learn how to let these intense feelings pass through you without having them affect you so strongly. Then you will be able to become more detached from this need for intensity, and you will have an easier time letting go of this boy.

I don’t know if what I am saying will make sense to you, but if it doesn’t, please ask questions. There are books you can read, or tapes you can listen to, or probably places online where you can learn about these techniques by watching videos and what-not.

I truly wish you well. What you are going through can be dangerous, and is probably quite painful in between the times it is euphoric. Like I say, I’ve been there. It’s not just a girl thing and it’s not just a young person thing. It is a very seductive feeling, and I can understand why you stay with him. I hope that understanding what is going on inside you—how humans are built to feel these things—will enable you to become less enamored of it and to pull back from this roller-coaster life.

Kardamom's avatar

You may think you love him, but actually, you are obsessed by him. Love is all about being caring and having deep, warm, affectionate, compassionate feelings for someone. If you attempt to “love” someone who is a creep, like this guy is, then you will end up destroying yourself. No decent person would cheat on their boyfriend/girlfriend or call them nasty, ugly names. It doesn’t make any difference if this guy started out seemingly ok, he’s not ok now and you need to leave him immediately or it will just get worse and worse.

At eleven years of age, you were way to young to be “dating” anyone or “hooking up” with anyone. I’m really surprised that your parents would allow you to be in a relationship with a boy at your age. Can I guess that your parents don’t know about this?

Even at age 14, you are too young emotionally to be involved in a serious relationship. I get it that people actually do fall in love, but if you act on that love (or in your case, obsession) you will just end up getting hurt. Most boys have no interest or intention of loving you back, but they’re perfectly happy to use you or try to get you to have sex with them (and then dump you and say mean things about you—usually in public like on Facebook!). Young girls get themselves into all sorts of trouble by dating too young. You should be concentrating on your school work, hobbies and female pals right now.

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