Oh how I wish I could transport you to the future, to your 40 year old self, or even your 30 year old self, so you could look back and clearly see the red flags that this guy is waving in your face.
Hopefully you will be able to take the advice of us older, more experienced folks and not jump into the crap sandwich that is presenting itself in front of you. You don’t have to get into a bad relationship, get dumped, hurt and humiliated to be able to learn how to avoid getting involved with douche bags and jerks, but you do need to learn (from us, hopefully) how to spot the signs. Luckily for you, in this case, this guy is giving you all the signs on a silver platter.
First of all you should ALWAYS believe a guy when he says he “isn’t good for you” or he “doesn’t want to get involved with you” or he “likes you and thinks you are sweet, but doesn’t want to hurt you.” All of these statements mean that if he did get together with you, he would definitely hurt you. He knows it, and you should learn it, NOW! The other part of these series of statements mean that he is giving you a heads up, but if you waiver or falter, he’s still likely to try to hook up with you, if you give him a chance, but he will still dump you in the end.
He’s already stated that he’s a sex addict. There’s 2 things to be read into that statement. The first and most important, is that He’s a sex addict! What that means is that he likes to have lots and lots of meaningless sex with lots and lots of people. If you hooked up with him, you would just be one more meaningless conquest to him. You are not going to be the magical person that he falls in love with and he’s not going to stop having sex with as many women as he can get. Now the second part of his “sex addict” admission, is that in some way, you are secretly thinking that he is this awesome, passionate person and it would be very exciting to be ravaged by someone like that. And you are probably secretly thinking that you would love to be the person who changes him into your own super lover. And wouldn’t that be awesome if you could be the girl who manages to make him a one woman guy? So that’s the other reason why he told you that he’s a sex addict, because it makes him sound awesome and he knows that exites you (and some of the other women).
This guy knows exactly what he’s doing and he knows exactly how to get young, impressionable, passionate young ladies to have sex with him. It’s pretty easy, actually. All he does is come off like a bad boy/prince charming all at the same time. The fact that he seems “tortured” is another way to draw in a nice girl such as yourself, because you want to help him and you probably think that “love is all you need” to help him. Unfortunately, love is not what this guy (and others like him) are looking for. They’re looking for quick sex and lots of it, from as many women as they can get it from.
The reason that they want to get it from lots of women, is so that they never have to make any kind of comittment to anybody. They’re not looking for love and they’re not looking for a relationship. Unfortunately, for you and the rest of us folks who have ever been drawn into a situation like this, is that these guys also have learned to “appear to be charming” and they have learned how to say all the right things and push all the right buttons to get us to believe that somehow “we are different” and our situation “is different.”
The number one way in which you (or any of the rest of us have and might again) get drawn into one of these crap sandwiches, is by believing that some how our situation is different than everybody elses. Especially if one of these douches throws in a little statement like this, “no one else understands us.” God, that is powerful stuff! Because it makes you feel unique and special and that no one else could possibly understand and so therefore you jump right on in. But then, after you’ve been blindsided by one or two (or more, God forbid) of these types of horrific situations (maybe when you’re 25 or 30 or 40) you will look back and say to yourself, “Why on earth did I believe that guy? Why did I allow myself to get into a situation where it was inevitable that I would get hurt? And how come I didn’t listen to my own gut instinct or to my experienced friends who knew exactly what was going to happen?”
There are plenty of great guys out there. They are similar to you, in that they are longing for someone decent and passionate and kind and smart, but they may be a little bit shy, they may not have any experience at all and they may not look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney. But they have a lot to offer and they want a comitted relationship with someone they can trust and who will be part of a 50–50 give and take, mature relationship. Try not to overlook these fellows.
And the next time some douche bag hands you a silver platter full of red flags, yell “Check please!” and get the hell out of that restaurant!
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