Social Question

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Parents: How much do you monitor your children's social site accounts?

Asked by Pied_Pfeffer (22243 points ) July 27th, 2011

About once a week, I’ll read through some of the posts on the Lamebook website. Occasionally, there is a post about a parent responding to something their child posted on their Facebook account.

Between these and what I have seen on Facebook and MySpace posted by some underage relatives, I am curious as to how many parents monitor their children’s accounts.

If you do, would you take action if they posted something that could be construed as inappropriate? Would you post a response on their account or talk to them privately? For those of you that do not monitor their posts, would you share why?

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15 Answers

QueenOfNowhere's avatar

I’m 18 and I blocked my parents from my Facebook accounts. Thank god! They would mourn about little things… I think it’s wrong. But then again if I were a parent I would just check it once, just to show her how to be cooler.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@QueenOfNowhere Thank you for sharing the perspective from the ‘child’s’ point-of-view. While I am more curious about the practices of parents of under-aged children, it is still helpful.

zenvelo's avatar

I go through them on occasion, not on a set schedule. It’s all been pretty tame and nothing for me to worry about.

One of the well liked middle school teachers was arrested last December for having a relationship with a 14 year old girl he tutored. I checked the FB account of my daughter that night and there were hundreds of posts, but most were “I can’t believe it” and “I feel sorry for his daughter” and “let’s be sure to support his daughter.” Nothing inappropriate.

The kids and I both talk about and check in on any bullying that might be going on.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

I would monitor my kid’s social sites diligently but not everyday or on a certain schedule; that is part of a parent’s job. We are all grown folk on Fluther, yet every word is monitored and moderated, and non-of the mods are our parents. Why would I do less for my own children? When you go to work never knowing when you will have to “pee in a cup”, you are quite careful what you do. At least if you intend on being sneaky you had better be very good, especially if it is a job you really like, or need. As a parent just because you could, don’t mean you always would, that is the difference between keeping an eye on things and just snooping on a fish hunt.

christine215's avatar

the one condition of my daughter being permitted a facebook account was if both my husband and I (and other family members, aunts, uncles) were her ‘friends’ on FB.
I did allow her to “unfriend” and then block my sister, because she was just wayyy too involved in every single post my daughter was making and she would say things that were embarrasing to my kid..
we have also had long discussions about bullying, inappropriate language, posting pictures, videos, posting about when she’s home, when she’s out, where she’s going (not a good idea, safety wise) she is only permitted to be FB friends with people she actually KNOWS too… no friend of a friend of a friend.

Between my husband and I we ‘peek in’ on her FB every day, but she’s 13 so at this age, I think we SHOULD be checking it every day. So far she’s given us no reason to worry, so as time goes by, I’m sure that the ‘checking in’ will get less and less.

ucme's avatar

None whatsoever, my son has a facebook account & he’s got his head screwed on well enough that I can trust him implicitly. He’s more often than not whispering sweet nothings to his girlfriend anyway, so I think he’s pretty safe.

cletrans2col's avatar

@christine215 In a couple of years, would you be ok with her deleting you from her “friends” list?

christine215's avatar

@cletrans2col
wow, ouch, that would hurt… would I be OK with it?? Probably not. In a couple of years, she’s only going to be 14 and still I would insist on being her facebook friend.

Here’s the deal with my relationship with my kid. We get along really well, but she knows I’m her MOTHER … knowing that I’m on FB probably is enough to make her think twice about what she posts… I’m not obnoxious, I don’t “stalk” her on FB, I don’t comment on her comments…until she’s 18 and she can legally do what she wants, I’m her friend on facebook.

sheepinarowboat's avatar

I log into my 11 year old daughters account daily. I log into my 14 year old son’s account once or twice a week. I check history and have installed software that notifies me of any questionable websites visited via email.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@ucme Two of the SO’s young nephews have their act together as well, and yet both “Like” groups on Facebook that are offensive. So offensive that the grandparents are upset, and rightfully so. While I will confess to saying or agreeing with some really stupid stuff at their age, it wasn’t going to follow me like web site postings can do nowadays. Here is where I wonder if there is value in it.

@sheepinarowboat Do your children know that you are logging into their accounts? Even if they are, that seems like a lack of trust when they are that old. And what type of accounts are you talking about? A social site or e-mail? Or something else?

linguaphile's avatar

My daughter’s 8 and she begged for a FB account- I’ve told her no. There was a commercial on TV against cyberbullying and she heard some stories from my 19 year old son and his girlfriend about FB bullying, so she understands why she doesn’t have a FB account and accepts it, for now. She’s allowed on WebKinz and MooshieMonsters and I check the history constantly.
She wants a Fluther account but has to wait until she’s 13. That really disappointed her more than not having a FB account!
My 19 year old? Pffth. He’s on his own, no supervision there. I know when to let go :D

Hibernate's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer I got to say I love how you putted the “Lamebook” there :) You made me start laughing even if it’s 3 in the morning and I believe I just woke a few of my neighbours. Was a good laugh ^^

Anyway if a parent keeps interfering like this in the end the kid won’t learn anything. My uncle once told to my grandpa [ I was told this conversation when my uncle encouraged me to try a lot of things ]. The story goes like this. My grandpa was always watching over his shoulder and was trying to help his kid avoid a lot of bad things in life. And at a point my uncle just told him in a nice politely way to just back off or else he won’t be able to discern what’s bad and what’s good until he makes some mistakes. My grandpa understood and helped him but from a distance and ONLY when my uncle asked for help. My uncle told me this because my grandpa was doing the same to me since my father wasn’t doing anything here. [ hard to explain that even if my father didn’t knew what’s what he always wanted me to just be myself and was there to support me if I asked but unless I wanted help he never interfered ]. hard to explain enough .. It’s late and my brain doesn’t send enough impulses for the hands to write all it thinks :)

So after the story I understood it’s better to let them do a lot of mistakes and just help them if they need help. Later on in my Father’s words I understood this better so I just let others do their mistakes and help only when they ask for it. I offer my help before but not in a clear way or else I’d just become my grandpa.

I hope I wrote this well enough to be understood.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@linguaphile Thank you for mentioning the kiddie sites. A friend’s two daughters have an account on one, and both parents take on the responsibility to monitor their activities and accounts.

As for the 19 year old, have you ever had a discussion with him about being cautious with posting things that might be construed as questionable if a potential employee were to search out his profile?

ShanEnri's avatar

My kids are 20 and 16 and yes I monitor their facebook accounts. Even though my daughter is 20 and moved out I still get on to her about stuff! My son has very little interest in social networking but I still have to keep an eye on him because he is 16 and has a foul mouth!

linguaphile's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer Yes, I have. I’ve talked to him about being careful about what’s out there and we’re ‘friends’ on FB, so I do see his pictures and posts. He’s actually much more responsible about what’s on FB than many adults I know and I’m proud of that as a mom. I’ve never seen anything, photowise, that concerned me. Some evangelical family members get upset with his non-Christian rhetoric, but I think he needs leeway to figure out where to go in space.
We’re close (most of the time) so I do know what he’s up to. I prefer him on FB than on the streets! :D Shh, I still do keep an eye on him, well half an eye :D

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