Actually go up to people and strike up a conversation, it doesn’t have to be anything deep or controversial or long winded. I used to be rather quiet and a little bit shy, but one of my best friends (who everyone loves) always strikes up conversations with people anywhere she goes, and I’ve learned by her example to become a much more approachable (hopefully pleasant and fun) person. She talks to people in line at the bank, in the waiting room at the dentist, waiting at the bus stop you name it.
This is what I usually do now. If I’m in the grocery store and I see someone looking at the produce, or if they already have something in their cart, or if they’re taking a long time to pick out a box on a shelf, I will walk up and say something like, “Wow, those Brussels sprouts look good today. How do you prepare yours? I’ve been looking for a good recipe.” or I might say, “Oooooh, those steaks look yummy. Do you use any kind of special rub on those or do you prefer to marinate them? I’ve been experimenting a lot lately and my husband/SO/father just bought a new grill.” Or if I’m in the aisle with some poor person staring at the multitudes of boxes on the shelves, I might walk over to him/her and say, “Have you ever tried these instant grits? My mom used to make grits all the time and I just saw one of those cooking shows where they used grits, but I’ve never made them before.”
Whatever you say next, will be based upon whatever their answer is. Old people seem to absolutely love me, because they tend to be ignored by younger people. I’ve learned so much about cooking techniques and history, and people’s family’s simply by walking up to them (or talking to them while in line or in a waiting room) and asking a simple question, but also adding some statement of my own, so there is a reason for me to be talking to them.
When you have these mini conversations you learn by practice how to become less shy, more personable and pleasant. You should always be self effacing when you start talking to strangers, don’t be a know-it-all and don’t start off by asking questions that are too personal. Once you get good at this, you can actually have pretty personal conversations with people, even total strangers, because you will be able to judge their receptiveness to you.
Other tips:
When you are walking around (a store or work or wherever) don’t have a scowl on your face or look down at the ground while you’re walking. If you do, people will assume (wrongly or correctly) that you are in a pissy mood, or that you might be a b*tch or that you are being rude.
Open doors for people (males and females alike) and say, “After you, sir” with a genuine smile. Some men, will step aside and say, “Oh no, ladies first.” In that case, just go ahead first. Don’t insult people who are attempting to be polite.
If you see someone carrying a load that is quite heavy (at work it might be books or boxes, in a parking lot it might be an elderly person trying to push a heavy grocery cart, in the park it might be a parent trying to carry their groceries while pushing a stroller) go up to them and say, “Oh, that looks really heavy, may I help you get to your car, get through that door, get over to that bench?”
Learn how to be genuinely kind to other people, including strangers. When you say something to someone, give a real smile, not one of those forced, pursed lips smiles. If you can’t seem to muster up a real smile, find out why you can’t do it. And understand that I don’t think that anyone should be walking around with a fake, forced smile on their face all day long. You need to learn where real, genuine smiles are helpful and when they are not (such as in the case of some douchey customer or some douchey stranger making un-warranted comments to you)
When you go into the lunch room at work, don’t just walk in there stone faced and silent. If you see someone you know, say “Hi Jean, what’s for lunch today?” If you see someone you don’t know, introduce yourself, say, “Hello there, I’m NostalgicChills, I don’t think we’ve met. I work over in accounting.”
When you’re walking down the halls at work, you don’t have to fake being all happy and nicey-nicey, but people will think you’re a mean old b*tch if you don’t look up and simply acknowledge that there is another person in your midst. All you have to do is look up, give a tiny smile and a nod, if it’s someone that you barely know. If it’s someone that you know quite well, say, “Hey Bob, how’s it going?” If it’s a supervisor or somene else that you sort of know that is in a supervisory position, say “Good Morning Mr. Thomas.”
If someone comes into your area of work, instead of just sitting there continuing to type on your keyboard, look up and say, “Hello, what can I do for you?” instead of just scowling and saying, “What?” and don’t just say, “Do you need something?”
When you see someone new at work, don’t just sit there in the corner. Get up and walk over to that person and hold out your hand to shake theirs and say, “Hello, I’m NostaglicChills, I work over in accounting. Did you just start today? Let me know if there’s anything I can help you with, or if you get lost we’ll try to get you on your way to the right place.” Then later on, if you see that person again, say “Hi Martha, I hope everything is going OK during your first week. Stop by accounting later and we’ll show you around.”
If you are sitting outside on your coffee break and you see someone come outside. Don’t just sit there. Say something like, “Hi Bill, feel free to pull up a chair and join us. Did they show you where the coffee machine is?”
If you are in the bathroom at work or somewhere else like the movies or a store, acknowlege people with a kind smile and a nod. If you are at work, just say something pleasant. Ask about Wanda’s kids soccer team. Ask about Mary’s weekend plans. Ask about Natalie’s recipe for lemon cake that you can’t quite recall. You don’t have to be a wordsmith, you just have to be kind and genuine and act like you give a crap about people.
If you are constantly silent, or looking down at the ground, and don’t acknowleging that there are other people in your midst, you will get a reputation (wrongly or correctly) that you are rude, cold, condescending and not pleasant to be around.
Once you start consciously changing your behavior, you will become a differnt person. I know that worked for me. I started out shy and quiet, now I’m chatty and pleasant and people have responded in kind. Give it a try. It can be scary at first, but pay attention to the things that other people do (the people that seem confident, kind and pleasant to be around).
Composing members:
0
Composing members:
0
