Social Question

Gamrz360's avatar

What happened to polite manners?

Asked by Gamrz360 (1001 points ) September 28th, 2010

Ok this question is not for everyone but lately I’ve been noticing that people haven’t been saying things such as “Thank You.” when you hold the door open for them or say “Thank You.” or “Apperciate It.” when you leave a gas station or convient store.

I know some people do say these things but a majority of people don’t anymore.

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55 Answers

Deja_vu's avatar

I mind my Ps and Qs. I’m civilized. Some people are just rude, and have no class.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I don’t see it that way.I am lucky enough to meet alot of good people.Maybe I don’t spend too much time thinking of the others. life is what you make of it :)

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I would have to say it has something to do with how busy people are nowadays. Folks are just too caught up in their own drama to notice the little things.

chyna's avatar

I have gone through drive thru’s and the people never say thank you. It drives me crazy. I was having a bad day and went through one recently and the guy barely got my bag out of the drive thru window, I had to climb half way out my car to get it. He wasn’t even looking at me. I said “this is where you are supposed to thank me” and he just looked at me like he had no idea what I was talking about. (All of this to say I spend too much time at fast food places).

josie's avatar

You are correct. It is because so many people believe that they are a victim of some imagined injustice and that this your fault. Thus they believe that you owe them this act of kindness, so why should they show gratitude?

janbb's avatar

I think people have been asking that since at least the 16th Century.

Blackberry's avatar

It probably depends on where you are as well. Like hawaii jake said, many people are busy (or feel they’re busy), although that doesn’t excuse being a douche. But if we stop doing it we’ll just be one of them, so I keep doing it.

tranquilsea's avatar

I don’t think that manners are taught very often. I raised my kids to be polite and now when we are out and about people go out of their way to comment on how polite they are. That makes me sad for society.

Austinlad's avatar

Watching and reading the news, one might think the Pursuit of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness is becoming one of Lies, Incivility and the Pursuit of Hatefulness.

YARNLADY's avatar

It must depend on where you go. I still see the same level of politeness as I ever did, with all the please, thank you, excuse me necessary.

Blackberry's avatar

Haha…..A co worker was telling me this happened a few weeks ago: At the post office, there is that device that looks like a long seatbelt to make people get into a line. A guy was in a hurry and knocked one side over, making the other side fall over as well, and he kept walking away. My co worker grabbed one side, and figured since there were many people in there with him waiting in line, someone else would grab the other end and help him bring it up….....

There he was, bent over waiting for someone to simply grab the other side and pick it up. No one even moved, they were even looking at him lol! He said fuck it and just dropped it back down…....I was baffled when he told me that…..

SamIAm's avatar

i tend to go out of my way to hold doors open for people (like i wait way too long when i don’t really have to) and it drives me fucking crazy when people don’t say thank you. just sayin’

Neizvestnaya's avatar

In my own opinion, a lot of manners weren’t taught on purpose by parents who looked on manners as somehow being archaic elitist constructs. Social manners actually make it much easier for strangers and acquaintances to publicly interact without inferring friendship.

Aside from that, I still notice many people holding the door for others. Just last week I went out to dinner and a boy looking under 12yrs old held the door open for me and my bf to enter through. We thanked him and I thought later how nice it was to have a little treatment like that. I didn’t see it as because we were adults that the boy deferred but more like he felt since he was there at the door then it was in his power to ease a few others through it. Nice, very nice.

iamthemob's avatar

the internet.

tranquilsea's avatar

When I was 19 or 20 I was entering into a Little Caesar’s Pizza when a youngish lady was leaving with a couple of large pizzas. I quickened my pace to opened the door for her and she just breezed by me. I muttered, “You’re welcome” half wanting her to hear which she did. She spun around and shouted, “I DIDN’T ASK YOU HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME!”

My oldest sister reminds me of this incident often. She thought it was hilarious.

Mista_Reflexivity's avatar

Some people are neither taught(parents are busy working) nor have the basic intelligence(natural selection sucks) to enact politeness/behave like a human. Rudeness/falsified ego or pride/lack of thought/insensitivity/thinking about or faking texting and Facebook is taking over the “live and die nobodies.” The most annoying thing they do is dead-end a conversation when it goes over their head… they like to know juuust enough.

tranquilsea's avatar

@Blackberry No kidding! Her rude behaviour hasn’t dissuaded me from continuing to hold door open.

cookieman's avatar

To be blunt, some people are simply stupid, self involved and/or ignorant.

We can blame their upbringing, but many people rise above that. We can blame trashy television, but many people know the difference between that and reality.

The folks that can’t tell the difference or don’t strive to be better are, most likely beyond repair.

SuperMouse's avatar

The percentage of well manner folks to ill mannered jerks has varied little as far as I have noticed in my adult life. I think that some of the rudeness and attitude that has always been around comes from a sense of entitlement some people seem to have. There is this sense that seems prevalent among rude people that simply because they are in it the world owes them something. If a person moves through life believing they are entitled to something just because they are gracing us with their presence, it might be difficult for him/her to have an attitude of gratitude.

rooeytoo's avatar

I can’t help but think it has to do with kids not being taught and that started with the Dr Spock generation. If I as a kid was rude a swat on the butt would ensue so I minded my manners. Then someone decided that would destroy the child’s psyche and turn them into serial killers and sociopaths so now parents might tell a kid to “say please” the kid ignores so the parent makes a sad face, the kid laughs and still doesn’t say please???? Same thing happened in dog training, discipline and abuse became confused and now dogs and kids and yesterdays kids all run rude and wild, hehehehe. Ain’t life grand.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@rooeytoo Someone didn’t randomly decide – decades of research showed that corporal punishment harms children, period.

tranquilsea's avatar

You can teach manners without corporal punishment. My kids are proof of that.

Deja_vu's avatar

@rooeytoo What?! Comparing children with dogs? Corporal punishment can lead to serious issues. What does this have to do with manners later in life?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Deja_vu Oh just you know…if you spank ‘em, they’ll be nice to others because…

Jude's avatar

Canucks have great manners. Truly, we do. We’re known for being polite over here.

Deja_vu's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Be polite or else? At least they will grow up to be sincere…

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Deja_vu Yeah, that’s what will happen…

faye's avatar

As I ran errands today, I was thinking how nice everybody was, hmm.

rooeytoo's avatar

I swat my kids and my dogs regularly, keeps them in line and polite too!

Deja_vu's avatar

@rooeytoo I am not against disipline, but There are other forms that don’t involve swatting! Parents should lead by example. Does it really keep them in line??? I’m sure because of it other behavioral problems come up because of the swatting. My parents were stricked and they thought me manners by showing me manners. Never layed a hand on me, and I was a good kid. Don’t tell me you are one of those “Spare the rod and spoil the child” types. Come on that’s old school. It steams from hard times and ignorance. I’m sure you love your kids very much, just think about it. I don’t want to start a heated debate.

rooeytoo's avatar

@Deja vu – Long before Dr. Spock, milllions of kids were raised with love and the occasional swat on the bottom or hit on the bottom if you prefer that word. And they all survived, including kids like A. Lincoln, T. Jefferson, B. Franklin, A. Erhart and a few others. And they had manners too, they spoke when spoken to, were aware that children were to be seen not heard. Yep old school is the best school and to say it was born of ignorance and hard times is, well, just simply ignorant.

Deja_vu's avatar

@rooeytoo “Children should be seen not heard” My mom said thats what my grandfather would say who was born in 1892. My grandfather also once kicked my mother in the face when her paycheck was late. Good upbringing indeed. Yeah right. I’m getting pissed.
I’m out.

rooeytoo's avatar

That is what I mean about confusing discipline and abuse. Kicking someone in the face is not discipline. Your grandfather was an abuser, that has nothing to do with discipline. And it has nothing to do with children should be seen and not heard which my mother often said to us but she never kicked us in the face. Why do you connect the two?

Deja_vu's avatar

@rooeytoo I just believe that even a simple smack is abuse. What are you instilling? Honestly? Is it just easier to swat than other forms of disipline?

Deja_vu's avatar

@rooeytoo I guess what I am saying is there’s other forms of discipline other than smacking or swatting. It is possible to raise a child to be a well mannered without it. I know I’m not a parent, but swatting just seems like the easy route. I was a well mannered child that was raised by an english old school mother. We had fancy dinner parties and I knew my place. At a very young age I was trusted enough to use Waterford glasses and eat off Aynsley china. In fact, my childhood tea set was Aynsey. I never broke anything. My parents were strict, but they communicated their discipline through discussion. I guess I respected them so much, that I didn’t want to disappoint them. How much respect do you gain from swatting your children from time to time? I guess they’re not teenagers yet or you would already know.

rooeytoo's avatar

Are you ivan in drag?????

Deja_vu's avatar

@rooeytoo Ivan the terrible? Is that flame-bait? I’m just trying to have a heathly discussion about manners.

Blackberry's avatar

@Deja_vu “I was a well mannered child that was raised by an english old school mother. We had fancy dinner parties and I knew my place. At a very young age I was trusted enough to use Waterford glasses and eat off Aynsley china. In fact, my childhood tea set was Aynsey. I never broke anything. My parents were strict, but they communicated their discipline through discussion.”

You were one kid…..Some kids don’t just automatically know to be diplomatic. Parents give their kids a swat after repeated warnings.

Deja_vu's avatar

@Blackberry Maybe it’s factor on how they are raised? After repeated warnings maybe parents can find other tactics, instead of the easy way?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@rooeytoo If you want children who are ‘seen and not heard’, don’t have children, ever. Please, do it for all of us.

cookieman's avatar

I believe in “old school” discipline and upbringing. I don’t however, believe in hitting. You can have one without the other – my daughter is living proof of this.

There are many ways to get your point across, have children remain quiet when appropriate, expect appropriate behavior and even punish them without hitting them.

My daughter respects us and other adults and is plenty scared of me when she needs to be. of course it helps that I’m the size of a house

Blackberry's avatar

@Deja_vu Yes, my ex-wife wasn’t the best parent, and neither was I, because I was a step-parent (and 22), but when she would do things I didn’t agree with, she would snap at me when I tried to inform her of another way to do it, so I gave up and let her do her thing. But she was so set in her parenting style that the kid wasn’t going to switch 180 degrees in one day. The right way has to start at the very beginning or the kid will be molded already.

Deja_vu's avatar

@cprevite yes, thank you! Hitting is unnecessary in discipline!

rooeytoo's avatar

I do believe the theory of how to raise children remained quite static and based on common sense until Dr. Spock came along, that is when spanking became a no no and the general permissiveness that is in vogue today came to be. So the big question is, are children happier, better adjusted and healthier mentally and physically than they were before? On another thread is the report of a teen suicide because of bullying. There seems to be more of that going on so put that one in the no column, healthier, apparently not according to the numbers of diabetics, obese, etc. (another no) mentally better adjusted, look at the numbers seeking escape through drugs and alcohol, I believe that would be another no. Are they performing better academically? Well apparently girls are but not boys, suddenly they have a different style of learning and it isn’t being addressed. Is that another no??? So you tell me where is the great improvement since giving a kid a swat, spank, hit whatever on the diapered bottom became a criminal act?

There is a difference between discipline and abuse, up above a swat, spank, hit was equated to kicking someone in the face, that is absurd. There always have been violent people in this world and there probably always will be but using that as a reason for not disciplining is crazy. Are there fewer violent people since Dr. Spock?

Someone has to show me how the world has become a better place since Dr. Spock arrived cuz I don’t see any improvement, seems like it is getting crazier all the time.

And being seen and not heard and speaking when spoken to is still a good way for a kid to behave in a lot of situations, not at home in the living room but many other times. It didn’t hamper my development nor that of the millions who came before and after me.

@Deja_vu – Ivan is one of the older (not in age but in time on fluther) flutherites who is totally opposed to spanking, I thought maybe he was using another persona.

tranquilsea's avatar

I think that there are more factors in play with how happy kids are today than simply whether or not they were spanked. Our society is bombarded with some pretty awful messages, many families are disconnected, parents are busier than ever trying to put food on the table…these are just a few.

rooeytoo's avatar

@tranquilsea – each generation has its own advantages and disadvantages. When I was in school, we had air raid drills and hid under our desks in case the big one was dropped. There is always a war going on somewhere. My parents lived through the depression, not much food or jobs around then either. They ate lard sandwiches instead of ramen noodles. Those things were pretty traumatic to a kid’s mind. I don’t know how you can measure the effect, is it worse today than earlier years, I don’t think it is really, just different.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@rooeytoo: omg, I’ve heard my grandparents talk about lard sandwiches!

faye's avatar

All my friends and me were smacked on the bum for bad, bad behaviour and we tell stories about it and laugh. We all turned into good people. Now I say smacked, not belted, hairbrushed, wooden spooned etc. @rooeytoo my mom used to take me to garden club meetings and I was expected to smile, please and thank you and be quiet. I t didn’t hurt me, I think it helped develop my imagination. I really dislike not being able to have a five minute conversation with someone I meet in a mall without having their child need to be the centre of attention. My kids didn’t do that. Plus, I’d far rather smack my kid and have it over than humiliate them by making them stand in a corner.

rooeytoo's avatar

@faye – that’s what I keep saying, it was the norm for a lot of years and we all survived, seemingly with a lot less angst than today’s unswatted seem to experience. I am opposed to abuse and violence, but a well deserved smack isn’t going to damage mentally or physically IMHO.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@rooeytoo I suppose we have a different opinion on who ‘survived’ – there are many who are of your generation and experience that would beg to differ…it’s like saying ‘oh look, back in the day, we all smoked around our kids and they’re fine’...really? and how many aren’t? and how many of your relatives died early of cancer?

tranquilsea's avatar

In my mind if you wouldn’t swat an adult then don’t swat kids. Kids do learn by example. When you hit to correct behaviour what you are doing is implicitly telling kids that when they get big enough then they can too.

rooeytoo's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – I have never seen statistics on the feelings of my generation regarding spanking, (and it wouldn’t matter, statistics are so easily manipulated they mean very little in reality) but in my experience discussing the changes in parenting with people of my own vintage, virtually all are in favor of a smack on the bottom.

Now once again comparing a smack to dying of cancer is really in my opinion a bit of over kill. But let me speak expressly for myself, I do not feel that the occasional swat I received for misbehaving has had any lasting or deleterious effects on my life and mental health. I bear no resentment towards my mother, I do not burn insects or traumatize kittens. I have never beaten a child in retaliation for my supposed ill treatment.

But the bottom line is, there is no one way to raise a child. And we must all do what is best for each and every kid. Just because I have one view, I do not feel I must make others see it my way. I mostly find this subject interesting though because there is no doubt that society is seemingly deteriorating. There definitely seems to be an overall lack of respect for authority or for fellow humans, bullying increasing, hate crimes, less tolerance of differences. I am not saying it is all related to the more liberal way kids are raised, but it does make me wonder if there is a connection. I don’t buy that the world is more difficult, there is something else afoot, what could it be???

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@rooeytoo Let’s clarify: I didn’t compare spanking to cancer, I compared it to smoking around children which leads to cancer for the smoker and for the children. Both spanking and smoking around children are behaviors that were condoned a couple of decades ago and have now been discredited as good ideas – that is why I was making the analogy and to me, it stands. I don’t think society is deteriorating, people have been saying what you’re saying hundreds of years ago…same for my views, nothing new. I, as a parent, can have an opinion on what others do wrong as parents…because, believe you me, plenty of parents have opinions about my parenting and it goes both ways. Anyway, the world is as fucked as it’s always been.

rooeytoo's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – hehehe, can’t argue that one!!!

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