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spittingamethyst's avatar

How should I deal with seeing my ex?

Asked by spittingamethyst (246 points ) August 24th, 2011

There are two events coming up here where I know I’m gonna run into my ex for sure. One is a show his band is playing in that his best friend invited me to (his friend is lead vocals and my ex is bassist). And the other event is my friends sweet 16 where his band is also playing. My ex and I are no longer on talking terms. I was one of his longer relationships and we had some really deep feelings for each other. Ever since we’ve broke up, he’s gone downhill. I seriously suspect it has something to do with drugs. But anyway, back in Feb we ran into each other at the mall. His best friend said hi to me, but my ex didn’t notice me at first. Then once I walked away his best friend told him I was at the mall and he got all excited and went to say hi and ask how I was doing. Then a couple weeks later I messages him on Facebook saying it was nice seeing him and we started talking again instead of ignoring each other. At that time we definitely still had a bit of feeling for each other, but nothing happened. Fast forward a few months later…I sent him a really long message telling him exactly how I felt about him and that I wanted him back. Then he got it and he was so surprised but he said that it was a good surprise and that we could talk but not to get my hopes up about dating just yet. So we started talking. Like how we did when we first met. Things were going well. Then a couple days later I wake up and log on Facebook and he’s in a relationship. I texted him and said thanks for having it in your heart to give me a chance. No reply. Next day he tells me off and I give him a piece of my mind. And we haven’t talked all summer. So my question is how do I react if he tries to talk to me? What if he tries to apologize? Should I approach him? I’m clueless here.

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9 Answers

marinelife's avatar

I would ignore him unless he approaches you. Then take your cue from what he has to say.

It does not sound like there is any chance of you getting back together.

spittingamethyst's avatar

Yeah. Sometimes I wish there was. But he’s got some growing up to do.

Cruiser's avatar

Find something better to do. IMO you are being set up by your ex and his friends.

spittingamethyst's avatar

What do you mean by set up?

dogkittycat's avatar

Sounds like one of my ex boyfriends. Ignore him, if a guy treats you like that give him a taste of his own medicine and ignore him, he’ll get the hint that if he wants to talk to you he needs to man up. If he does that and ypu’re agreeable to his apology then go from there but don’t expect a best case scenario with this. See what happens, make sure to be with someone like a friend that you can ignore him with.

Kardamom's avatar

I would decline the invitation from the ex’s friend to go to their show. Just don’t go. Even if everybody else you know is going, just don’t go. Find something else to do, then do it. Let the lead singer know that you would like to go, but it would be very awkward and uncomfortable to have to face your ex, like that, under the circumstances of him having been kind of an ass towards you.

Just curious, does hour ex’s best friend have any romantic interest in you? Even if he does, just decline the invitation and ask him if he’d (the best friend, nice guy dude) if he’d like to go out for coffee sometime (without the ex being there).

Since you probably need to go to your friend’s sweet 16 party, just hang in the background while the band is playing (don’t even get up to dance, unless you are way in the back where the ex can’t really see you) and just avoid talking to the ex unless he comes up to you first. If he does talk to you first, let him know that you might be open to talking the next day, but the party is for your friend and you want to be there for her and you’ll talk to him later. If the ex’s best friend talks to you, do whatever you think is comfortable, including asking him to talk to you away from the ex. Try not to just sit there and brood and try to make lots of conversations with the other party goers, both male and female if it’s coed, but try not to make any kind of spectacle of yourself. Less is more. Come a little bit late, and leave a little bit early. Be very nice to the birthday girl so that your drama doesn’t impact her party and fun time. Dress nicely, but try not to dress too conspicuously sexy or over the top. Be pretty, but not slutty. And if there is a the slightest chance of any alcohol or other drugs going around, stay stone cold sober! You don’t want to say or do anything that would draw negative attention towards you, or embarrass your friend at her birthday party.

spittingamethyst's avatar

Nope. There are no feelings between me and the friend. And other bands are playing at the show so I think I’m gonna try to go. I need to meet new people and have a good time. I’m trying to get my cousin to go with me.

Cruiser's avatar

Ummm…his best friend invited you to the one show and miraculously you are going to another of his shows…from all indications you are allowing yourself to be set up to be anywhere your ex is playing and IMO that is not good or you really want it to happen this way so you can be around him. There are soooo many other things you could do besides follow and old flames shadow.

Kardamom's avatar

@Cruiser I was kind of thinking the same thing. I remember (when I was a lot younger) when my ex played in a band, and I would secretly hope that he would be at these shows and parties. But I told everyone, that I didn’t want to see him or talk to him.

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