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EmptyNest's avatar

Do you know how to forgive?

Asked by EmptyNest (2028 points ) November 2nd, 2011

When my middle child, my daughter was a teenager, she was such a handful that I became very depressed, (all the typical symptoms) The Psychologist we were seeing told me: “Your children need leadership from you.” I thought about that for a few seconds and realized I was tapped out… although I’d had it once, the “how to” of the word leadership escaped me…so I spelled it. L-E-A-D-E-R-S-H-I-P. This was how much help I needed. I sought it. I learned it. This is a common word most people understand. But what about more difficult words? I see “Forgiveness” as “flying an airplane”. Some know how to do it, but the vast majority does not. You completely understand the meaning of the word. That does not mean you know how to do it.

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20 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

Yeah, I have Jesus-like qualities.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Yes, I’m very forgiving.

jonsblond's avatar

I forgive those I’m closest to or connect with well, but please allow me at least a week to be unhappy and moody if you dis me.

If I don’t know you that well…... meh. goodbye.

Pandora's avatar

I think it really depends on the situations. I have forgiven so many things and have forgotten them within a days time. But often the larger the transgression the harder it is to forgive because you cannot forget. Given enough time you can learn to forgive some large things if the pain wasn’t too deep and it was something you felt was beyond the persons control. But when someone purposely hurts you and they are extremely close to you. Than I think its easier said than done.

JilltheTooth's avatar

It made a big difference to my well being when I learned that forgiving is about me and how I feel about a situation/person and not about forgetting. Not forgiving is like taking poison every day hoping it will kill someone else.

blueiiznh's avatar

Forgiveness is the best gift I can give myself. It frees me. First time, shame on you; second time, shame on me. My forgiveness is not an act of condoning the action.
I understand it and know how to truly do it and let it go.

“Not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new business. Not to forgive is to yield oneself to another’s control… to be locked into a sequence of act and response, of outrage and revenge, tit for tat, escalating always. The present is endlessly overwhelmed and devoured by the past. Forgiveness frees the forgiver. It extracts the forgiver from someone else’s nightmare.”
~ Lance Morrow

Earthgirl's avatar

I think I hold on to the hurt for too long. A part of me forgives because that is what I know you need to do to move on. It’s better for me to forgive, but it’s still hard for me to forget. I keep thinking things like Why??? and How could you????
Then I try to invoke Bob Dylan and say “Don’t think twice, it’s alright” lol…

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

@blueiiznh said exactly what I would have hoped to convey.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Forgiveness is, for me, mandatory. I have no option. Quite a few times, forgivness has been very, very difficult, largely because of the nature of the offense, but I still do my best to forgive. Sometimes it takes awhile, and many times I can forgive, but either cannot or choose not to forget.

YARNLADY's avatar

To me, it means agreeing with myself to overlook bad behavior. I don’t forget it, but I don’t hold a grudge against the person either.

dannyc's avatar

Depends on the person.

zensky's avatar

Yes. Finally.

Male's avatar

I can forgive and forget the small things…actually I try to not even let them come to mind and I just try to ignore them.

As for the bigger things, they leave a mark. I don’t forgive them, unless the person is truly sorry…this usually leads to passive aggression, but I feel as if it’s justified because he/she deserved it.

bobby78's avatar

Oh I wish…

lillycoyote's avatar

Yes, I forgive, for three reasons:

1. By grace or luck, accident and design, there really aren’t any people in my life capable of doing anything that is unforgivable.

2. I have been on the receiving end of forgiveness enough times that it would be pretty f*&ked up of me not to return the favor.

3. Forgiveness is generally what is best for me. Forgiveness means “to renounce anger or resentment against.” That doesn’t mean that I condone what the person did, it doesn’t mean that there might not be some lingering hurt, and, if the transgression was great enough, that I am in any way obliged to have a relationship with that person. It just means that I have “renounced the anger and resentment” because that is what I want. I don’t want to spend my life filled with anger and resentment. Life is too short, so I forgive.

Cruiser's avatar

Yes, often against my better judgment which is usually right in the first place.

rts486's avatar

If I have a hard time forgiving, I just think of all the things I’ve done other people were kind enough to forgive me for.

Sher_King's avatar

Im not a grudgy person. I get over people who upset me pretty fast. And those who i care about and who i know mean well…i forgive them pretty easily. However if I find that i cant forgive somene, thats simply because i believe that this person doesnt deserve the right for it, and have legit crossed a line. Some people really really just push your patience.

Coloma's avatar

I am not a grudge holder and I am forgiving, but..depending on what I am forgiving, well..doesn’t mean I am going to keep you in my life.

I don’t do character disorders.

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