Got any Tom Swifties?

Setting: An Outdoor Produce Market

“Those sure are some big bananas!” she said eagerly, wanting to get a better look.

“Yep, yep, they sure are.” he chortled softly.

“I think we should buy a whole big, bunch of them!” she declared, excitedly. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen any bananas the size of these!”

“You’re certainly right about that.” he pointed out, astutely.

“To lose weight, one must burn more calories than one consumes”, he expounded.

“I used to despise the upper crust, but now I know which side my bread is buttered on”, he said wryly.

“Where’s Ruth?” said Tom ruthlessly.

“That knocked the wind out of me,” Tom said breathlessly.

“I’m sweating because it’s summer in Hell A and my f**n A/C is broken!”, Brian1946 said heatedly.

“The hospital may be able to sew his finger back on” James rejoined

I think I did mine wrong : (

I’ll try again.

Rex tried to wipe the barbecue sauce from his trousers after dripping it all over the place at the picnic. Rex was kind of a slob, and he didn’t really care how anyone else looked at him or thought about him.

“Damn. That hound dog bit my rear end again” he said half assedly.

Was that right?

“Got milk?,” she uttered.
“Who cut down the tree?,” she asked.
“Traffic is moving nicely,” he expressed.

“What on earth is that?” Dave exclaimed.

“Hmm, I’m not entirely sure,” mused Polly without looking at him. She poked at the thing with her pencil and it squeaked and started to scuttle across the table. “Oh!” she yelped. “It’s alive!”

“Quick, put it in a box or something before it escapes!” Dave demanded.

“Grab it!” Polly shrieked as the thing disappeared out the door.

She and Dave looked at each other. “You know what this means, don’t you Polly?” Dave asked.

”...no?” Polly replied.

“It means,” Dave affirmed, “that this is probably the worst piece of writing ever posted on Fluther.”

“Ooops, you missed the apple. ” said William Tells’ son half-heartedly.

“That’s an apostrophe, not an exclamation point’ ”, the punctuation police officer exclaimed.

“The rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are NOT expressed in the US Constitution!”, she independently declared. ;-)

“I can do it!” said the indian bravely.

“Welcome!” said Circe bewitchingly.

“Make sure you get me a vanilla cone” I screamed

I think I almost got it right, but the correct phrase probably should have been:
_“Damn, that hound dog bit my left buttock.” he said half assedly.

Is this correct???

“NO” he said to Fluther, definitively.

“We have no pepper or salt,” he said blandly.
“This jar is just full of ideas!” she whispered thoughtfully.
“Doctors, we have to deal with all these sick people first,” he said patiently.
“I’ve given up gold mining forever!” he exclaimed.
“If there’s nothing between the stools and the servers, where will we set the food?” he countered.
“We must put the bog back the way it was!” she repeated.

‘I’ve just joined the Peace Corps,” Tom volunteered.
“Until the 12th of never, I’ll still be loving you-u-u,” Tom crooned.
“CALLING K0OO, SENDING WBZZ CALL SIGN,” Tom relayed.
He shouldn’t have, but “FIRE!,” Tom screamed.

Or maybe it’s an adverb thing—tthis goes back to the 30s-40s Tom Swift books writing style:
“Let me whisper in your ear.” Tom said softly.
“I’ve got the passwords to your Facebook, Twitter and G-mail accounts,” Tom said knowingly.
“Did you find the ants in your underwear drawer?” Tom said mischievously.

“I like my turkey without dressing,” he said stuffily.
“That garbage really stinks,” he sniffed.

“Get that animal off the furniture!” he barked.

“I’ve never cared for Voltaire,” he said candidly.
“I want the biggest piano in the store!” he said grandly.
“By modern standards, that bridge, is pile of crap,” she said archly.
“With her as judge, I’ll never get justice,” she observed plaintively.
“Clearly Arkansas is the best place to live, “he stated.
“Yes, as it happens, I’m presently screwing your twin,” he insisted.

I don’t get half of these…seriously.

“My hair is starting to fall out” Tom bawled

“You keep your house too cold,” he said frostily.

“I would like a double cheeseburger and fries” he said with relish.

“Maine is the best place to raise a family,” he opined. (Okay, that might be obscure.)

“Small problem with the chain saw” Tom remarked offhandedly.

“I can’t remember the name of that port in Egypt” Tom said.

@Keep_on_running What don’t you get?

“Pardon my gas,” he breezed.

“Sitting in the dugout the whole game is the worse form of torture,” he opined.
“I’ll match any bet you care to make,” he called.
“The motor is going to fly apart if you keep up this speed!” he whined.
“That was my fifth ringer, ” he threw in.
“I can’t believe I double-bogeyed the 18th,” he choked.

“This tire is no good,” he said flatly.

“But your brain is now inside another body!” he reminded her.

“Dudn’t matter whether the map’s in miles OR kilometers, you aint going nowhere,” he responded at length. [Does that qualify?]

“If he had a mail box, he had to have put it on something,” he postulated.

“As long as we can find a surface with lots of little nubs, you can pick the color,” he stipulated.

He told her, “The bell rings when it’s your time.”

“You’ve been using my whetting stone!” he said sharply.

“Well, it just turns out some people are like this and some people are like that, “he explained kindly.

“I can’t be seen with someone who makes her living from tips,” he said gratuitously.

“Out of the ten quips that I liked, @6rant6, all but one of them were genius,” he said benignly.
“It’s time for me to train Rover again,” he said doggedly.
“Damn! The game has been rained out!” he stormed.
“I’ve been sick in bed all day,” he lied.
“You’re up to bat now, Ted,” he said woodenly.
“Won’t you stand next to me?” he sighed.

“I can’t believe you shot at me,” he ejaculated. “Well, I can’t believe you ejaculated at me!” she shot back.

“I don’t like hard liquor,” she whined.

Oy. You have set the bar low. Let me see if I can get under it….

Uh… “Omigod, those Altoids are even better than they said they were,” she commented.

Or, “I’m throwing out all the pastries,“she declared.

“Let’s play some music,” he intoned.

“I specifically asked for a glazed doughnut,” he said icily.

“Hey! The power’s out!” he said delightedly.

“We’re out of whiskey,” he said dispiritedly.

“I just killed Moby Dick!” he wailed.

“I’ve always wanted to know the answer to this. Are you gay?” she queried.

“Oh my god! I’ve never been with such a big man before!” she cried manfully.

“I think I’m pregnant,” she said expectantly.

“Why’d you crush my skull with your baseball bat?” queried Tom abashedly.

“I’ve already said, I won’t go home after the surgery,” he said inpatiently.

“I’m telling you, he was going to jump off the cliff and kill himself!” she alleged.

“Come on Adam, you know you want to taste the apple,” she insinuated.

“Without coal,” he bellowed, “I can’t shoe the horse!”

“Now, that’s a storm!” he thundered.

“Would you like half of this banana?” Tom asked appealingly.

“Where’s my fecking taco cheese?” she grated harshly.

“Where’sh sheh fahr? I’m juss’ ashin’ is all,” ashed the drunk.

“Oh, sweetie, have some champagne!” she bubbled.

“I’m going to draw you a nice, hot bubble bath!” she gushed.

“Don’t see why you’d keep koi if you never can eat ‘em,” he carped.

“Lewis,” Clark implored, “when will you tire of searching the world for what’s already inside you?”

“I’m so glad the power is back on!” she said brightly.

“I heard what you told the priest,” he confessed.

“Here is all you need to know about boxing,” he expounded.

“See? Flat land. That’s what you need to start farming,” he explained.

“Your wife will love this mink coat,” he inferred.

“This is how we practice our religion all the time,” he wrote.

“Dogs move to the back of the boat,” barked Tom sternly.

“And we could bake some bell-shaped cookies to hang on the tree,” Mary chimed in,

“We could stage a comedy,” Joan said playfully.

“Oh, that’s the perfect Christmas tree,” my sweetheart did opine.
The modest price tag thereon says, “It’s me you should be buyin.”
“We must acquire some sparkling lights, as shone on ads galore.”
“And silver bells, we must, oh please,” she chimed in just once more.

This is reminding me of another old joke.

A sailor with a stuttering problem ran up to the captain of an aircraft carrier underway and tugged at his sleeve. The captain quickly turned to the sailor to see what had prompted this obvious disrespect for his rank. The sailor was waving his arms and attempting to say something, but he was obviously upset, and the harder he tried to speak, the less capable he became. The captain took one look at him and just said sternly, “Sing out, sailor!”

The sailor gasped once more, and then visibly relaxed. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and stood up straighter. Then he started to sing:
“Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
The admiral’s fallen overboard;
He’s half a mile behind.”

I had a problem with my horse, but I’m on top of it now.

“My mule can run like the wind!” he whispered hoarsely.