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Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

What do you wish your parents understood about you?

Asked by Simone_De_Beauvoir (38863 points ) December 6th, 2011

Inspired by Nikipedia’s earlier question on parents/non-parents – it made me think about things I wish my parents just understood about me and that their understanding would save so much grief for all involved over the years. I wish they just understood (let’s keep it to one thing for now as there are so many) that I am and have been a parent for quite some time now and should not be directed on what to do in regards to my children. You?

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25 Answers

JLeslie's avatar

That I easily get discouraged.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

That I’m still picking up the pieces, even if they aren’t, or won’t admit that they are.

lillycoyote's avatar

This question is too hard to answer.

rojo's avatar

That I can only be what I am and not what they wanted me to become. That, and that I am for the most part happy with who I am.
I also wish my father was still around to try to understand this.

judochop's avatar

My excessive need to wear mostly black is not entirely their fault.

rojo's avatar

@judochop Not “entirely” their fault?

wundayatta's avatar

I wish they understood that it is not possible to give too much accurate praise. I don’t want to be praised for stupid stuff as part of an effort to prop up my self esteem, but I do want them to acknowledge at least one thing as an accomplishment they are proud of. That is, assuming they are proud of at least one thing I have done.

Well, maybe they did understand, but they couldn’t, in all honesty, find anything to say. In that case, I wish they understood that I needed to hear what their expectations were, so I could know if it was even possible for me to do something they would find admirable.

lillycoyote's avatar

@rojo Thank you so much, for posting that! I know we butt heads here, but thank you! I tried to answer this question and just couldn’t, it was too hard for me, but the answer that I composed and couldn’t post was this:

My parents are both dead now and this one is mostly for my mother, I guess, but I would like her to have understood that she had absolutely no reason to be disappointed in me. I may not have become what she wanted me to be or what she expected me to be, but in spite of my flaws, and they are many, I am a pretty damn good person and she played a major role in making me a pretty damn good person. I wish that she had understood that and that it would have been enough for her.

Thanks @rojo I couldn’t have posted that if you hadn’t posted your comment.

mcbealer's avatar

That choosing to eat a vegetarian diet is not a phase. Ya’d think that after +20 years it would be a non-issue… Not! this past Thanksgiving my mom suggested I “let go” and eat the turkey.

mazingerz88's avatar

That even though I’m just their kid, I’m the best person who could psychoanalyze both of them as a couple and even as individuals.

Bellatrix's avatar

I wish they were still here to misunderstand me. Really, whatever issues I may have had with my father (my mother died when I was a child) means nothing compared to him not being here to share things with.

Blackberry's avatar

I’m too old to want to talk to her on the phone all the time. We’re not buddies.

Facade's avatar

Anything, really. My parents don’t know me at all.

redfeather's avatar

I wish my parents, mostly my mom, would understand that I’m an adult and I don’t need to ask her permission for everything I do. And that I’m quite out of the danger zone for dying of SIDS or something because she still “checks” on me while I’m sleeping. I’m 22. That’s fuckin creepy. I also wish she understood that she’s smothered the hell out of me my whole life and sooner or later I’m going to snap unless she backs off a bit.

jonsblond's avatar

I really can’t think of anything. I learned a while back to be honest with my parents whenever they didn’t understand me. It’s causes much less stress.

Blackberry's avatar

@redfeather Lol! Don’t cough, she may come in with a bottle of cough syrup and vicks.

JLeslie's avatar

@redfeather I checked to make sure my husband was breathing while sleeping a few days ago. Hahaha! I think you are going to have to move out for it to change, and I recommend doing it before you snap.

redfeather's avatar

Trust me, I’m working on it, @JLeslie

That being said, anyone who wants to be my sugar daddy/mama just let me know.

JLeslie's avatar

@redfeather Also, maybe have a little empathy for you mom. She has spent many many years trying to make sure you stay alive. Every mom I know watches their baby’s chest go up and down to make sure he/she is breathing. All moms talk about their responsibility of keeping their kids alive. She might be over the top, but it probaby has more to do with her anxiety than trying to control you, even though it probably feels very controlling to you.

redfeather's avatar

@JLeslie it’s just a bit ridiculous that she tells me to go to bed when I’m there studying after I’ve put my child to bed. It’s weird.

JLeslie's avatar

@redfeather Oh, you have a child yourself. Then for sure you get the whole keep my baby alive thing. :) Well, at least you sound like you have a sense of humor about it. My mom tells me what to do and she is just background white noise. I think she just needs to say things out loud to vent herself and reduce her anxiety. Although, yours sounds way more extreme than mine. Way more.

Leanne1986's avatar

When I was younger my mum made it very clear that she wished I could be more like other kids my age. I liked a particular music group that was popular in the sixties whilst everyone else was obsessing over the Spice Girls and she failed to stick up for me when other kids ridiculed me, instead she told me that I brought it on myself for being “different”. I was gutted. My mum could be a bitch and, whilst I don’t doubt that she loves me and she has since told me that she is actually proud of me for not following the crowd, I wish I could tell her how much that one moment in time hurt my feelings. I was about 13 years old.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@redfeather So good to see you here.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Father- that me not having a college degree doesn’t weigh on me, doesn’t make me feel unfulfilled or not to my potential. He looks at it that way. I look at my life and see I’ve always had a job, I have no debts and good people around me, for me that’s success enough.

Mother- that my struggles haven’t been because she didn’t breastfeed me or raise me during my formative years and that I’m just fine as I am, I win more than I lose and I find ways around even my own weaknesses.

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