Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

Is it easier to accept others than it is to accept yourself?

Asked by wundayatta (58349 points ) December 16th, 2011

I guess this is partly about your own personal experience, but also about your perception of the rest of the world. Do you judge yourself more harshly than you judge others? Do you think others judge you more harshly than they do themselves? Can both these perceptions be seen as being true at the same time?

If so, what does this say about the nature of self-judgment vs perception of how others judge us and/or others? Do we see ourselves as more harsh or more understanding than others?

Examples are always helpful.

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13 Answers

comity's avatar

As a younger person I judged myself more harshly, but in a positive way. What can I do to improve the situation? How can I make things better? How can I do a better job? I still do it every once in awhile, but I don’t have the same energy or drive that I did years ago to make the extra effort to make the changes. I lean towards “Whatever will be, will be” as that old song goes. Also, I’m not one who really judges others. I see what’s before me and if you’re fun and nice, I’ll play with you. : )

Coloma's avatar

No. I don’t judge myself at all, I am very self accepting and non-neurotic about my “mistakes.”
I learn, I move on, wiser for whatever the experience.
The only judgment I pass on others are those that have character flaws or gross emotional immaturity, and even then, it is not so much a judgment as a simple choice to not associate with those that show me their inability for healthy relational skill and the ability to comport themselves with a modicum of integrity.

I am very easy going about just about everything, except unrepentant character flaws.

King_Pariah's avatar

I’m pretty sure if I didn’t judge myself harshly I’d be considered a sociopath. So yeah it’s easier for me to accept other people as compared to myself

Scooby's avatar

When I was younger I was running away from myself, as much as anything else….. When I did finally start to criticise myself I became a lot less critical of others & a lot more accepting of other peoples perceptions & beliefs…. It’s called growing up! :-/

tranquilsea's avatar

I have judged myself much more harshly than I have judged others. Years of therapy has brought some equilibrium.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Yes. I’ve an immediate tend to idealize others from what I see as their best qualities or what I see as their potential. I rarely do the same for myself. This isn’t a good thing and I have to keep on top of it or else it becomes an unfair habit of building people up and having the reality of them disappoint me, especially in contrast to how critically I examine myself.

It’s a work in progress for me to both not sugar coat other people but also not to tear myself down if I’m not living up to myself. No one else cares if utensils in my kitchen are always in the same place. No one is going to think I’m scatterbrained if they are not- that’s my thinking alone. It may have taken decades but I am able to separate me from my idealized me and almost be ok with it.

Sunny2's avatar

Not any more. When I was young I was very critical of myself, but not so much now. I’ve molded myself to be pretty much who I want to be, which means leaving behind a judgmental attitude. I like @comity‘s answer.

comity's avatar

One part of the question I didn’t respond to before “Do you think others judge you more harshly then they do themselves?” I find the few that I’ve met in my lifetime, who appear to be judging you more harshly then themselves, really judge themselves quite harshly, and look to criticise others as if to say” See! I’m good, you’re the….................. I find it sad for them, to have to criticise others to feel better about themselves. They need professional help to be able to see that they’re really OK.

comity's avatar

@Sunny2 Thank you!!

Blondesjon's avatar

I’ve always accepted others using the same stringent set of rules I apply to accepting myself.

we’re cool until you fuck me over

Paradox25's avatar

From my own experience about 25% of all people I interact with seem to be cool with who I am as a person since I’m not a big fan of facades. I guess there are people you just connect with and some you don’t (no matter what you do). Ironically though I’m probably the harshest judge of myself in the end. Perhaps I hold myself to too high of standards, I don’t know. Generally I don’t hold other people to the same standards as I do for myself, as long as they are respectful towards me.

saint's avatar

Accepting yourself is a fundamental. Otherwise, how do expect to interact in a social context? I suppose you could fake it for a while, but eventually that would fuck you up. It takes too much energy to wear a mask that does not fit.
Answer-in the long run, no.

Symbeline's avatar

Well, yeah. I can always justify myself without intervention, whenever I judge myself harshly or when others do it, and don’t feel comfortable with it. Then I just delude myself into thinking that I’m perfect, and everyone else is just ass. Except at this time of my life, it doesn’t really work anymore, so I just drink a buncha beer. Sometimes people give me too much credit, and sometimes they curvestomp me too much, so it’s hard knowing. What are people saying, and what do they want? What am I thinking, and what do I need? What am I worth, and what are others worth to me? Dude I can’t answer any of this shit. Being human is fucking retarded. I wish I was a cat, or a video game character.

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