General Question

zenele's avatar

Why are you insecure?

Asked by zenele (8213 points ) July 11th, 2010

Of course if you aren’t – it would be interesting to know your “tricks” for improving ones self-esteem.

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36 Answers

Jude's avatar

Get off of the computer and go out and meet people. Real (in the flesh) people.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I am secure in my sense of myself. My financial state never feels secure but I am not alone in that.

wundayatta's avatar

For me, having a lot of people tell me I was a good writer, and seeing proof of that in terms of actual hits, was very helpful. Also, have a number of people express strong positive feelings for me made a big difference. I began to believe that maybe what they all said was true.

I think the drugs helped by making my doubts less powerful by changing my brain chemistry, but mostly a constant barrage of positive reinforcement eventually became too much for me to deny. Even now, I want to doubt this, or say it is temporary, or to qualify it in some way, and I am not doing that. I am not letting myself do that. I am able to stop myself from doing that. I am not listening to that part of me at the moment.

I’ve come an awful long way, I think. I am much better equipped to not let the problems and struggles of daily life (deaths, job losses, disappointments, etc) throw me. I am more able to forgive myself for all the mistakes I have made.

It’s just been a lot of work, emotionally speaking. A lot of therapy. But really, having other people believe in me and like me, and like what I do—as they say in the commercials—priceless!

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
Yehekai's avatar

where do i begin? o well ive gotta learn that everybody has insecurities….it’s nothing new

zenele's avatar

I love when you write – and how far you’ve come. You are one of the smartest and most sensitive souls I’ve ever met here or in RL, @wunday (daloon). Fluther wouldn’t be the same without you – and as I told you when you were on a break: you are missed here tremendously when you’re away. Now go think up another 1000 questions you lurve whore you. ~

Seaofclouds's avatar

I’m insecure because of past experiences, but I’m working on it.

CaptainHarley's avatar

I’m not the least insecure, but then again, I’m 67 years old, have two undergraduate degrees and a masters, survived two years in a combat zone, and been through seven different sorts of hell and ½ of georgia in my life and came out on top. I suppose being secure in who you are gets to be a habit, like a lot of other things.

kheredia's avatar

My insecurities used to be based on my physical appearance. I was a bit overweight growing up and I have some acne scars from my teenage years but I’ve learned to accept and love myself as I am. I’ve lost a bit of weight but my scars are still there. I think most people see beyond my scars when they get to know me. I’ve never really had a problem meeting men because of my physical appearance. I think knowing that people find me attractive even with my scars really helped me get over my physical insecurities.

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
Austinlad's avatar

Year by year I grow more secure about who I am and what I can do.

Symbeline's avatar

I don’t know. All I’m sure of is that if I knew what it was it might not be so bad because I’d have a source to tackle.

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

None of the things I’m insecure about (mostly around my body) are things I should be insecure about, whatsoever.

Cruiser's avatar

Because life is too short and not enough time to get it all done!! What is wrong with being insecure about that??? Too many F’n choices!!

Blackberry's avatar

I don’t have a lot of money. : (

Pandora's avatar

I’m not insecure because no one else is like me. So I have no desire to compare my self to others. I am who I am. Some people may be skinnier, some may have more money, but I love where I came from and who raised me and the children I bore and the man I married. I have everything that really matters to me and what I don’t have isn’t necessary for my happiness. Even when I was living pay check to paycheck, I could always find a reason to smile. Even if it was simply because it was a bright and beautiful day or even a dark and cloudy day. I always felt tomorrow holds the possibilty of being even better than today.

ratboy's avatar

I’m insecure because I am intellectualy inferior, homely, sexually inadequate, socially inept, and broke. In other areas I am as secure of the next guy.

tranquilsea's avatar

I’ve slowly been overcoming crippling shyness and self consciousness. Much of it brought on by early child abuse. I spent much of my childhood wishing I could blend into the wallpaper. It has been wickedly hard to let go of those impulses.

My friends laugh when I tell them I am shy. I met most of them one by one. In any group larger than 4 I sort of freeze up.

Stepping out my comfort zone has been the only thing that has helped.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Uhm let’s see… I make less money than I have in over a decade, I’m not getting any younger, better looking or charming and, well that’s about it for now.

jazmina88's avatar

Maybe finding your special purpose or destiny in life. Until you are one with that, maybe we are searching and looking around blind for what we really are.

Nullo's avatar

I have a long history of awkward encounters, aggravated by a brain that won’t let me forget them.
I would, almost inevitably, it seems, do something that Hindsight calls bad but on which Forethought hasn’t rendered a verdict.

Your_Majesty's avatar

I’m a very competitive person so insecurity is not in my personality most of the time.
If I feel secure then I just need to remind myself that I must do something or I will lose everything.

Aesthetic_Mess's avatar

I was born insecure. No lie. I feel the need to conform to others’ opinions about everything. My family is trying to get me out of it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Aesthetic_Mess No one is born insecure..or secure for that matter.

Aesthetic_Mess's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Okay… but I’ve always been that way. How do you become insecure?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Aesthetic_Mess Everyone’s behavioral development begins at home with parents and family and continues with outside interactions, with peers and teachers at school and within the community. Your parents may not remember but they could have done something to affect your sense of security.

Aesthetic_Mess's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir You’re probably right

wundayatta's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir He may not literally have been born insecure, but he certainly could have come to consciousness insecure. By that time, his parents or caretakers would have had plenty of time to make him realize that if he didn’t do or say the right thing, he would seriously regret it.

Now, he says, they are trying to get him out of it. That seems odd if they made him insecure. If he wasn’t made so, then perhaps it was built into his genes?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@wundayatta That is interesting and purely speculative but I do buy into some of the whole ‘while in the womb, so in life’ kind of stuff. They’re trying to get him out of it because a) they feel guilty and b) they think this reflects badly on them if he isn’t secure.

Eggie's avatar

got beaten up and yelled at and done some stupid things in the past that I cant get over yet.

markferg's avatar

Who told you that! Why are they talking about me!?

GabrielsLamb's avatar

I’m a perfectly normal human being when allowed to be. I’m like photons, I behave differently when observed under the expectation of behaving a certain way while watched.

RedmannX5's avatar

I find it interesting (but not surprising) that many of the answers on this post deal chiefly with money. I understand that a low income can be a very hard thing to cope with at times (I’ve been poor my entire life), but never once have I allowed the amount of money in my checking account to determine the quality of my character. I think that it’s very sad that somewhere along the way of human existence the term “money” became synonymous with “happiness.” I certainly realize the importance of money in our modern world, because it would be very hard for a person to survive without it, but I hope that people don’t define themselves as individuals based on their income.

As far as my own insecurities, they mainly relate back to my teenage years (oh what a fantastically-tumultuous time of life). Back in high school I think that I focused way too much energy on my weaknesses as a person. When I moved away to college, it completely changed my perspective on life. I think the most helpful thing for lessening my insecurities was my realization that everyone has insecurities to some degree. Obviously some more than others, but this realization has given me the courage to be my own person. I’m going to be me, so please be who you are.

RedmannX5's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I would guess that you take the side of nurture over nature as a way of explaining human behavioral development, but I somewhat feel obligated to bring up (รก la @wundayatta) that different people are certainly born with different temperaments, as shown in many personality psychology research studies. Personally, however, I would tend to agree with you, because I am of the opinion that one’s environment (i.e. nurture) changes a person in a more drastic and lasting way compared to his/her genetics (i.e. nature). But it is undoubtedly important to consider both concepts when discussing why people are the way they are.

bookish1's avatar

I’m insecure when I feel
grad student impostor syndrome welling up!
Also, I’m insecure because I don’t pass as male all the time, and I feel unsafe in new places.
My self-esteem, however, does continually need beating back, so I think it all balances out pretty well :-p

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