Social Question

KalWest's avatar

Would you consider fantasizing about a different person while being intimate with your significant other cheating?

Asked by KalWest (1389 points ) December 16th, 2011

The question is pretty straight forward, so I can’t think of any additional details to add.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

44 Answers

KalWest's avatar

@tranquilsea that settles it! lol

tranquilsea's avatar

@KalWest it always does ;-)

zensky's avatar

If I were to fantasize about a different person while being intimate with my significant other… I’d move on.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

That would be weird, I’d question my heart.

tranquilsea's avatar

@zensky but he asked if it was a form of cheating.

zensky's avatar

Oh, I’m sorry.

Technically, no. Love is so technical.

I stand by my first comment, though it merely reflects upon me; should I find myself in that predicament, I would examine our relationship. Simply calling it cheating (or not) is, by definition, limiting – and counter-productive to the relationship. For me.

tranquilsea's avatar

apology accepted ;-p

KalWest's avatar

@Neizvestnaya my heart is there… but sometimes another organ seems to have a mind of its own… (we’ve been together 15 years – which is 105 years in the straight world) lol

digitalimpression's avatar

I think its a form of emotional cheating and it can become very destructive to the relationship. Every once in a while it may just happen but… if it’s a regular thing .. the relationship probably needs evaluation.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Matthew 5:28

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@KalWest: I’m thinking it’s normal to have inadvertent images of other people come into play while having sex but I’d be more afraid of if I felt I needed to focus on a particular person’s image to get aroused or to orgasm while having sex with another.

King_Pariah's avatar

Fantasize is one thing, acting upon them is another.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Of course not.

saint's avatar

It isn’t cheating. Anymore than secretly rejoicing when your opponant loses is poor sportsmanship. But unlike the latter, I sure wouldn’t make a habit of it. It has the makings of something unhealthy.

Coloma's avatar

I wouldn’t call it cheating, but…if you are not fully present with your partner in mind, body and spirit you are essentially just using their body as a vehicle for your masturbation fantasies.

If you’re doing this a lot I think you have relationship and/or personal issues.

KalWest's avatar

@Neizvestnaya Oh I see… no i don’t feel I need focus on something else to get into aroused, it happens once in a while.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I don’t consider that cheating. We’re open about that kind of thing with each other, everyone does it. I fantasize about pretty much anyone I know, I imagine myself and my partner with them, I imagine my partner fucking them or getting fucked by them. It’s all good. I never shamed myself for my thoughts.

KalWest's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoirand that’s why i always you are so cool, starting back from wis.dm days

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@KalWest You haven’t been around much. Come back.

KalWest's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Thanks… I’m back. :)

KatawaGrey's avatar

It’s no more cheating than it is to get aroused by seeing another person and then having sex with your partner. There’s a reason why humans aren’t telepathic. If our thoughts were reason for punishment or anger, then damn, everyone would be locked up and not speaking to each other.

Bellatrix's avatar

It isn’t cheating. It would be concerning if you had to focus on a specific real person to get off while having sex with your partner. I have fantasies about all sort of people and situations, I don’t really want to have sex with any of those people though. I also don’t necessarily want to experience the situations I play out in my imagination in real life.

tedd's avatar

Have I in the past and will I in the future? Sure.

Do I regularly? Not really.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I guess I don’t consider it cheating because I’d never have the opportunity to be with that person in real life anyway, so it doesn’t matter. If I’m fantasizing about someone else, it’s usually a celebrity like Johnny Depp, Dave Navarro or Daniel Craig. And occasionally Alyssa Milano. :P I think that’s pretty damn normal and not cheating.

Now, if I were to have a fantasy about my husband’s best friend or something… that might be more of a problem, and I’ve have to think about what it meant.

filmfann's avatar

oh great. That Christian jerk is gonna answer

Yup. Sin doesn’t need to be by action. It can also be by thought.
That is the whole context of Jimmy Carter’s famous “sinned in my heart” statement.
Man cannot escape being a sinner. That is why Christ is so important. He took away all your sin. All you need to do is accept Him.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

What’s “significant” about “your significant other” if fantasies of non significant others are entertained?

How can one be “intimate with your significant other” while “fantasizing about a different person”?

That is a complete lack of intimacy. You might be with them physically… but intimacy is mental… just like fantasy is mental. You’re trading the mental intimacy for mental fantasy…

I’m not suggesting it’s good or bad or what… I’m just calling it for what it is.

Intimacy promotes making love. Fantasy promotes fucking. Both have their place. Neither should be conflated for the other.

ucme's avatar

The wife’s been yelling “Oh Jesus Christ!!” for years now, while we hump.
I’m not in the slightest bit jealous, coz he’s been dead a while now you see.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@KalWest!!!! Hi! I can’t answer this question because I’m a prude you know, but it sure is good to see you!

Ayesha's avatar

I would say no. If it’s an everytime thing then you have a problem I’d say. Otherwise, sometimes, yeah sure. No big deal.
@ucme LOL!!!

KalWest's avatar

@Dutchess_III
Likewise Dutchess!!!! :)

KalWest's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Ditto to Johnny Depp :)

wundayatta's avatar

It’s not cheating until I feel like something is taking her attention away from me… and she agrees that she is not giving me the attention that she led me to expect.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@KalWest @WillWorkForChocolate is Nina from Fluther. Mzzzz Vzzzz is here too! A lots of others. I hope you’ll stick around. Now, I must stop following this thread before I have to wash my eyes out with soap. : )

KalWest's avatar

@filmfann I might not have the the same mindset as you – I don’t think you’re a “jerk” :)

thesparrow's avatar

Guilty as charged.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

I can understand why someone would, but I think it’s pretty normal. I don’t think it should be considered cheating, especially if the person doing the fantasizing is only fantasizing and not doing anything other than that.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I did this once when I chose to have sex with a person who was pretty much a stranger to me. I wasn’t very sexually attracted to him but we’d agreed to be intimate so when it came down to it, I used my imagination and did fantasize about someone else’s image in order to get comfortable. I didn’t ever need to do that again, it was kind of freaky.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther