Social Question

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Could a man terrified of commitment turn around and run away suddenly?

Asked by ZEPHYRA (15690 points ) February 23rd, 2012

On hearing that a woman loves him deeply, that she sees him as her other half, could such a man be frightened away? Could he just back away without saying much, break up suddenly without a particular reason?

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10 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

Of course. If there is an agreement or understanding that the couple isn’t serious or just casual, revealing this would be ok, but would be breaking the agreement, so the other person would be justified in backing out.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

In this case he was supposedly looking for a life partner but wanting to take things slowly. Fair enough, but upon hearing the word “love” he seemed to back off. Would someone bipolar react like that? One moment ready to give all and the next not wanting any part of it?

Blackberry's avatar

@ZEPHYRA It depends on if he said “I’m looking for a life partner” and “I want you as a life partner.” It takes time to know people, that’s how it works. What do you think happens when people decide prematurely?

Aethelflaed's avatar

@ZEPHYRA That’s not a bipolar thing, that’s just a human thing.

6rant6's avatar

Sometimes we’re all just l00king for a reason to run away.

Then again, sometimes we’re all just l00king for a reason to stay.

Kardamom's avatar

Yes, it happens every day. Just about every one of my female friends has experienced some version of the “disappearing man” situation.

Sometimes they leave and then you see them with another woman weeks later (this one happened to me)

Sometimes they actually tell you that they aren’t ready for a commitment, they actually break up with you, and then within 6 months, they’re engaged to someone else. This happened to a close friend and it almost killed her, because the guy had been persuing her for a long time, and she didn’t want to get together with him because he was only separated from his wife, but he persisited, they did get together, but then he left her for someone else and now they’re married.

And I’ve noticed a couple of posts on Fluther in which a guy disappeared, but then it was found out, by way of FB, that the fellow had gotten back together with an ex-girlfriend, but no notice or explanation was given to the dumpee, he just stopped contact.

It sucks, but it happens all the time. Probably because the guy doesn’t realize how much he might hurt the woman by disappearing so he just goes, or perhaps he’s so afraid of her negative reaction that he simply can’t man-up and tell her the truth, or maybe because he just doesn’t care about the woman enough to bother to tell her that he’s finished with the relationship. And last, but not least, he may have been cheating on her all along, or recently gotten together with someone else and he knows he screwed up, but he doesn’t want to take the blame and fallout for that decision.

I know that these things can also happen with females doing the disappearing act, but so far, none of my male friends have ever mentioned this happening to them, the females usually tell the men exactly why they are leaving.

creative1's avatar

Yup fear of commitment is a big thing so disappearing would be no surprise to me

Haleth's avatar

If you’re not ready to hear something like that or take a step like that, it can be a lot of pressure. The best thing for him to do to do would be to say, “sorry, but I’m just not ready” or something like that. But when people have strong feelings, sometimes they won’t take no for an answer. I tried to gently turn down one of my exes after he made a declaration like that, and his behavior became unstable and frankly, kind of scary. Disappearing would have been easier in hindsight.

DaphneT's avatar

Oh sure. People do the oddest things when confronted with their fears.

blueiiznh's avatar

Yes, Sometimes when reality is staring them in the mirror is when it can occur. Some people just suppress their feelings and when deep ones come theirway, they panic and run.
Better at this point than finding out too late. It still sucks!

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