Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

Have you ever received something special from your Significant Other, but you hadn't gotten or done something for them?

Asked by wundayatta (58357 points ) May 2nd, 2012

We often get questions here about (usually women) wanting to do something special for their boyfriend on the first anniversary of something. They want to know what they can do for him or give him.

This made me wonder what happened if the boyfriend had failed to see the anniversary coming and didn’t try to so something special in return. How did the boy feel? Guilty? Were they able to enjoy the present? And how did the girl feel if the guy didn’t give her anything?

Have you ever had any experiences in this vein?

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16 Answers

Mama_Cakes's avatar

This happens often. She’s wonderful.

I do things for her, as well.

Trillian's avatar

No. It’s generally been the opposite for me.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Same as @Trillian for me.
I am a gift-giver by nature. He is not. He has gotten better in this area over time :)

YARNLADY's avatar

We don’t really keep track of that sort of thing. If he sees something and thinks of me, he gets it, and visa-versa. I’m more thoughtful than he is, but I’m used to that. He told me right from the start that he’s not into presents, but he occasionally buys something.

Bellatrix's avatar

I forgot it was our anniversary once. I got to work and received a text message saying Happy Anniversary… oops.

He had bought me a present and we had a special evening that he had planned too. I felt guilty but we are cool enough with each other to laugh about it and I can never complain if he forgets now (he never has). He is usually the one who buys the mushy cards. I remember the first year we were together I bought him a joke birthday card… he was very put out. I have learned not to do that again. I am not very sentimental though and I don’t really care about cards… sort of seem a bit like a waste of paper to me. I do make the effort since he likes it though.

Nimis's avatar

All the time. My husband is thoughtful, great with dates and good with planning.

While I’d like to think of myself as thoughtful, I’m terrible with dates. I’m more impulsive and like to improvise. More of a just-because kind of person.

ucme's avatar

Numerous blow jobs.

partyrock's avatar

He gives me flowers which are really nice and sweet.. I haven’t really gotten him anything. But when he’s picked me up he’s given me flowers and chocolate.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Other way around.

blueiiznh's avatar

Nope. It has always been the other way around for me.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

She often does or gives me something special when I don’t expect it and often when I can’t immediately reciprocate. Fortunately I do the same. That is part of how we continue to build our relationship even after over eight years of marriage. She brings out the best in me.

JLeslie's avatar

My husband feels badly if I get him a gift and he does not have one for me in return. When we were datinf his birthday came up a few weeks after we started, and I bought him a gift. My birthday had just past a few months before. He presented me with a birthday gift a few days later, he felt it was unfair for me to wait 9 more month for a birthday gift. Pretty much he is in the same frame of mind the whole time I have known him.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

When we were first together but not yet married, I bought my husband an expensive money clip for Valentine’s Day along with a card. He hadn’t gotten me a card or anything and acted awkwardly to my gift. That was crushing since several friends and a few family members had me convinced he was going to propose marriage to me on V-day!

He felt bad and reacted by waiting for the holiday to pass, hoping I’d just forget about it all and not take it personally. He then presented me after the fact gorgeous flowers, a card and asked me to move in with him. It took awhile but he eventually was able to enjoy my gift to him.

wundayatta's avatar

@Neizvestnaya This is the kind of story of was kind of expecting, because this is how I would react, I think. It would be pretty embarrassing to me if it was a special day to my significant other and she did something, and I couldn’t reciprocate. I’d be ashamed that I had let her down. I’d probably feel indebted for a long long time.

The irony would be that she was very important to me. Certainly equally important as I was to her. But my mind doesn’t think along the line of presents and whatnot.

You’re lucky that you were able to get past this (the two of you) and end up married. I see gift giving as a mine field. You really can’t win. The best you can do is not lose. And every year, you have to do better than the year before. I hate it! Fortunately I found a wife who is not terribly into presents. I bring her flowers and she acts happy. I’m good until the next flower occasion, which is coming up soon. Mother’s Day. Then I’m off the hook for the rest of the year. Except, of course, for random flowers—the best kind of all, because they actually mean something. They are a surprise. The rest is just the fulfillment of expectation. Like I said, if you fulfill expectations, you’re good. If you don’t, you lose. But you can never do better than fulfilling expectations.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@wundayatta: It took over a year for the sting to go out of that one! We don’t do the one upping on gifts because there are flush times and tight ones, times for just us and times we give to others instead. You shouldn’t feel such tension, your wife most likely isn’t expecting you to continuously top yourself. Surprises are fun though just because we’re alive and if possible… why the hell not?

wundayatta's avatar

@Neizvestnaya I’m not complaining. It’s one of my many little foibles. I accept that’s the way I am and I don’t let it bother me, anymore. But I’m still curious about it. You know, to see if anyone else had a similar experience.

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