Phone rings three times then goes to voicemail. Why?

This happens every time I ring Stephen Hawking, at least I think it does, it’s the darndest thing ;¬}

To be clear: you are calling your boyfriends cell phone?

Filmfann – yes, it’s my boyfriend’s cellphone

Not all cellphone carriers handle the call initialization the same. If he has poor coverage, and one of the cheaper services, this could happen.

If he blocked your number you wouldn’t even be getting his voicemail. So take solace in that.

Also, I’ve experienced poor reception zones in the past, and his excuse is consistent with my experience. If the phone loses reception while the call is going through, it’s possible that it won’t even ring on his end yet, you will get his VM.

Hope this helps.

I wasn’t aware of what @filmfann says. My first thought on reading your question was also that if a cell phone has poor coverage in an area, it should go to voicemail rather than ringing. However, I have been in bad cell phone areas and have not received text messages or voicemails for days that friends sent.
At least he’s still calling you when you send him texts, right? Hope you can figure out what’s going on soon.

I agree with @filmfann. it happens to my phone & to my husband’s…we certainly have never blocked one another ;)

In a way it makes sense because sometimes it’ll take a while for him to receive my texts and for me to receive his because of poor cellphone coverage and also sometimes when we talk his phone keeps breaking up so I know he does have poor reception. What throws me off though is the fact that it always rings three times then goes to voicemail, which I find kind of strange… Is this something that’s known to happen?

On a cell phone, when you hear the phone ring it does not mean the recipient’s phone is ringing, it is not a one for one deal.

The “ring three times” then go to voice mail is the carrier trying the establish a good contact while the phone is in a poor reception area. It knows the phone is there (that’s how it gets texts to it) but there is not a strong enough signal to complete the call, so it goes to V mail.

Text messages take little signal strength. From Wikipedia on SMS messaging: The key idea for SMS was to use this telephony-optimized system, and to transport messages on the signaling paths needed to control the telephony traffic during time periods when no signaling traffic existed.

I understand, but I think what’s bothering me is the fact that this has been going on for about 2 weeks and no matter when or how many times I call, it never rings any more or any less than 3 times. I guess what’s making me so concerned is that I Googled this problem and some people suggested that when someone has a phone that allows them to block numbers (right from their phone rather than going through the service carrier) the phone will ring a few times on the caller’s end and then go to voicemail, while the person being called will not get any notifications of the call. My other question, then, is if someone does block you like that for whatever reason, would they still get your texts and be able to reply and call you as well?

Sorry I keep pushing this, but I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance. He doesn’t have any reasons to block me that I know of, but I’m growing a bit concerned.

Thank you for all the responses so far :)

@jordym84 Have you asked him directly if he has been trying to avoid you or if there is some problem he hasn’t brought up?

I don’t want to make any wild, false accusations so I don’t want to ask him if he’s blocked me. Things have been great between us and he calls and texts me several times a day and we talk just fine, and I know for a fact there aren’t any problems going on. I’m trying to not worry myself too much, but somehow I keep thinking that maybe he doesn’t want me to call him in case he’s somewhere/with someone he wouldn’t want me (or the other person) to know about. I’ve heard about number blocking apps, but I don’t know how they work (i.e. if they completely block the number from calling, texting, voicemail, etc.), which is why I’m asking if anyone’s had any experience with something like this.

I just had the idea to call him private (*67) and he picked up after the 1st or 2nd ring but didn’t say anything, I only heard background noise. I didn’t say anything either because I’m not the type to do these kinds of things, I’m just worried that something’s up…

@jordym84: I have not been in your direct situation, but I have been in a lot of relationships, and my experience has been that if I find myself with persistent nagging questions or insecurities, there probably is some subterranean problem that is not being brought up. If everything is great between you two, where are these insecurities and worries coming from?

Well I don’t really want to go into too many details because it’s somewhat of a long story, but I have been having a lot of nagging insecurities about him even before we started dating (we knew each other and were good friends for about 7 months before I gave him a chance).

I try to not let my worries and paranoia get to me in case they’re unfounded because, to his defense, I don’t have any concrete evidence of anything, only general suspicions, and he has been a good boyfriend (caring, sweet, says he loves and misses me often), and yet I just can’t shake off this weird feeling… Like I said, I don’t want to make any wild accusations and am not the nagging type, so I haven’t told him about my insecurities because I don’t want to hurt his feelings in case I’m wrong… I do a good job of not letting my worries get to me and tell myself all the time that he’s with me by choice and if he wanted to be with someone else, there’s nothing stopping him. Even though I do love him, I wouldn’t force him to stay with me if he didn’t want to. Most days I don’t worry, but there are times when that nagging feeling is so strong (based on little things that I pick up on) that I can’t tell if it’s just my imagination or if there’s more to it…

So I blocked my sister’s number to test out what would happen (my phone, which is an Android – and so is his – has an option to forward calls to voicemail from specific numbers) and she said it rang twice. She tried calling me several times, and each time it rang twice then went to voicemail. I guess this somewhat proves my theory that he’s blocked me (why he would do that is beyond me, other than my aforementioned theory that he might be hiding something). Now the question is how to bring it up to him without seeming paranoid in case it turns out that he’s not blocking me and the problem is actually with his network?

Trust your gut.

If it were me I would call him several times from other numbers and see what happens and then call him from yours immediately after or before, so he is likey in the same cell spot.

It didn’t occur to me he might have blocked you, but he might be ignoring your call.

When is the next time you will see him? Are you going there? Or, he is coming to you? Does one of you live where you grew up? One of you is surrounded by old friends?

@JLeslie – I’m trying to not let my suspicions get the best of me, it’s just not like me to go ballistic because of something like this and I want to give him the benefit of the doubt because, like I said, he has been a good boyfriend. But at the same time I know I should listen to my gut feelings, especially considering how strong and persistent they’ve been (these feelings are on and off, sometimes stronger than others).

I’ll try and do what you suggested above, but I might just end up calling him from my phone maybe tomorrow and if the same thing happens I’ll call him private right after and see if he picks up. If he does, well then, I’ll have my suspicions confirmed and will go from there (most likely I would end things despite how good the relationship’s been – we’ve been together for almost 6 months now – because I don’t want to deal with someone who would do something like that when I give them every reason to be open and straight-forward with me).

We might see each other within a month or so. If all goes according to plan, he’ll come to me. Neither of us lives where we grew up (we’re both originally from different countries – but I’ve lived in the US since I started high school, about 9 years ago – and met while on an internship last year, which was when/why he came to the US). I just recently moved away from my hometown for my career and he’s still where we did our internship while he waits to hear back from schools that he’s applied to, but he’ll be coming up north shortly (maybe in a week or two) and will be staying with a friend (I don’t have my own place yet and am staying with my best friend, so he won’t be able to stay with me). He just called me a few minutes ago and we talked just fine.

I just hate complications in relationships and want to be straight-forward with him rather than sneak around to “catch” him, but at the same time, like I said, I don’t want to make any false accusations. What to do, what to do? Sighs

@jordym84 Do you have any friends where you did your internship, girlfriends, who might know if he is cheating?

If he has no other signs of cheating it might just be the phone, but if things are adding up then it could be a really bad sign. Does he answer questions you never asked? Kind of overexplain when he is onnthe phone with you where he is and who he is with when you never even asked in the first place?

Hopefully it is just your mind running on overdrive and there is no reason to worry.

@JLeslie – All my friends from the internship finished around the same time as I did, so I don’t know anyone there anymore.

I don’t know if it’s cheating that I’m worried about or what (though that would certainly be a deal-breaker for me if it were the case), but I hate feeling that he’s hiding something. In the 6 months since we started dating, we’ve been at a distance for the majority of it (we started dating on my last day of the internship, the night before I left to go home, when I finally let my guards down – even though he had been pursuing me for the better part of the 7 months since we’d met; he never tried anything forcefully, he just always hinted that he liked me and even his best friend now tells me that he (my boyfriend) always wanted to say something but was afraid of ruining our friendship). I had never worried about him cheating before, until one night about 2 months ago when, out of the blue, I was startled awake by anxiety and this terrible feeling that he was with this girl that I had seen him in a picture with a few days before, whom he says is one of his really good friends, and whom I got to meet last time I visited him. I tried to not pay too much attention to what happened that night when I woke up because I don’t believe in that sort of thing, but it stayed at the back of my mind ever since. And like I said, I always get these nagging feelings that something’s up…

I don’t really know how men’s brains work because I haven’t been in a lot of relationships (in fact, he’s my first serious, long-term boyfriend), but I would assume that if he didn’t want to be with me anymore he would just say so. It’s not like he’s with me for my money as I’m not rich by any definition of the word (I’m still at the beginning of my career, currently job-hunting) and it’s not like he’s using me for sex because we are at a distance after all and haven’t seen each other in over a month when I went to visit him at the end of his internship. So if he did have someone else on the side, I would think he would want to stay with her instead because I have nothing to offer him other than love and she would have the advantage of being in the same place as him.

Do I have reason to be concerned, or am I overthinking this? It just makes absolutely no sense that every single time I’ve called him for the past 2–3 weeks, his phone rings exactly 3 times and then goes to voicemail, and then today when I call from a private number, he picks up after the 2nd ring but doesn’t say anything (not even hello, he just stays on the line waiting I guess, which makes me think that he might’ve assumed I would do that and chooses to stay silent so that in case it turns out to be me he can just hang up and then come up with an excuse later on when we talk).

To answer your other questions, if memory serves me right, he doesn’t really overexplain, he might just tell me where he is even though I don’t normally ask, but he doesn’t really give details in a way that would cause suspicion.

I want to think that it’s just me being paranoid, but I can’t run away from the fact that he did pick up when I called private…

If he blocked your number, would text messages even go through? I have no idea. Maybe have your sister test that.

The consistency of three rings wouldn’t bother me. Every voice mail system I know has a set number of rings. I would assume three is his carrier’s setting for whatever this particular situation is, be it blocking or trying to reach a phone with poor signal.

I’ve called him in the past, before this started happening, and from what I recall, whenever he couldn’t pick up it definitely rang more than 3 times before going to voicemail and he would usually call back upon seeing my missed call, but now he says that he doesn’t even get missed calls notifications from me, which is why I think he blocked me (same thing that happened when my sister tried calling me). He does have a new phone, but I don’t think that would make a difference on the number of times it would ring before going to voicemail as I’m assuming that has to do with the carrier and not the phone itself.

Like I said, I have no idea why he would want to block me, which is why I’m trying to keep an open mind but, again, he picked up the 3 times I called private (*67), and earlier in the day when I had called from my number it just rang the usual 3 times then went to voicemail. And it’s not like I call him a lot to make him not want to pick up my calls – I might call him once a day, if that, whereas he calls me more often (2 or 3 times a day, and sometimes more), which again makes me think that I’m being paranoid because why would he call me if he were trying to ignore me? I just keep going back and forth on this and I’m starting to bug myself a little with my uncertainties. I think I’ll just let things play out and if it gets to be too much for me to ignore I’ll probably say something…eventually.
* Sigh *

@jordym84 : Now your situation makes more sense to me since you said this is your first serious relationship. But if you are already doing things behind his back (i.e., calling his number from other phones to see if the same no-answer happens), that suggests to me that the time to bring this up with him is now, before any more mistrust can be sewn on either side. (And as for “Why would he call me if he were trying to ignore me?”, I’ve been strung along by people, men and women, who it turns out were doing just that.) Of course you don’t have to follow my advice. I err on the side of voicing my concerns in a relationship rather than trying to ‘wait it out’, because I’d rather be hurt sooner than later.

Best of luck and I do hope this was all a figment of your imagination.

Well, I do find that suspicious. Did he ask why you called private? Did you ask why he answered private but not your number? Can’t be an issue on your end if you’re using the same phone for both calls.

@bookish1 – Thank you for your well wishes, I’m hoping the same thing too!

I always avoid doing that sort of thing and this is the first time I allowed myself to because I just needed to know. I do want to bring it up, but I hate confrontations in general and I have a feeling that if he gives me a good enough excuse, even if I might not believe it, I’ll probably just go with it…

I always say that I’d rather be hurt with the truth than comforted with a lie and I do agree with you on being hurt sooner than later, but at the same time, in this situation, I don’t really know how to proceed. The fear of being wrong and opening up a can of worms with my suspicions (i.e. hurting his feelings if I end up being wrong and having him lose his trust for me for doubting him) is stronger than my desire to find out the truth. I really don’t get why he would string me along as I explained above…

@Supacase – he doesn’t know it was me because I didn’t say anything, I just wanted to check on my suspicions. I waited for a bit after he picked up to check if he’d say anything, but he didn’t, so I just hung up.

The quickest way to find the answer is to either surprise visit him or tell him you are coming to visit him.
The reaction and answer will be very telling.
Be prepared for the reaction/answer.

@blueiiznh – I can’t do that for the following reasons:
1) That’s just not the kind of thing I would do
2) Even if it were, I can’t afford it right now
3) Even if I could afford it, it wouldn’t be worth my time (I’d much rather ask him flat out over the phone and save myself some time and money than go through that whole process because if I’m wrong, well then I would just seem crazy, and if I’m not, I would still seem crazy but only this time without a place to stay because I certainly woudn’t want to stay with him if I caught him doing something wrong)
4) I don’t want to play games and just calling him from a private number is way out there for me

Honestly, I’m just going to let things play out. I’m not losing anything. I’m focused on my career right now and that’s my main priority. If things work out with him (which I hope they do because he is my first love) great, if not, well then it’s a lesson learned. I haven’t done anything wrong, so my karma and conscience are clean, hence I have nothing to worry about. If he is doing something wrong, the truth will always come out. If not now, then certainly when the time is right. I’m way too young to be worrying about settling down for good right now, and love is a trial and error thing :)

@jordym84 GA in working through it and determining an approach. You are truly right in that truth conquers all.
I wish you all the peace you can have in working through this.

@blueiiznh – Thank you!! :)

Hopefully, you are just being a little paranoid, it truly might be nothing, but I think you have reason to be a little suspicious. I think the reason to not take your call would be if he doesn’t want to talk with you if the other girl is right there, but the thing is what is the chance he is always with her when you call? I think not very high chance, so my suspision on that seems over the top not likely.

Most men won’t break up or be honest in this situation, at least not for a while, and I hate to say it, if he is Latin American or from some other macho culture, he might be even more likely to drag you along for a while (I say this having a Mexican husband whom I completely trust, and who used to travel a lot, and we all know what a scoundrel American President Bill Clinton was, but the stereotype of Latin men cheating is there for a reason. I grew up with lots of South Americans around me and Middle Eastern men and they were almost all horrible, and all had wives and all had girlfriends if you know what I mean).

Change in behavior is the biggest clue. Like if he used to call randomly all the time, but now he only calls if you text as you say. Or, he never used to bother to mention who was with him, but now he always does. Something that is outside of his usuall pattern that becomes a new pattern will make you feel something is up, even if you don’t realize what is giving you the feeling.

Being at a distance can be tough, I have done it a few times in my life. It can work, but it does put a strain on things.

@JLeslie – I, too, honestly hope I’m just being paranoid…

My thoughts on why he would keep my number blocked is so that he’s not taking any chances in the event that I call when he’s with the other person (if there is, in fact, another person).

He’s not Latin American, but he is from a macho culture. He knows I’m strong-minded and won’t put up with condescending macho behavior and even though he is from a macho culture, he’s very modern, so he doesn’t try to dominate me or anything like that (the relationship’s pretty well balanced), but I can see what you mean.

He still calls me randomly like he used to (several times a day). The only time I message him to call me is when I miss a call from him and can’t get through when I call him back, so I text him and he calls me within a few minutes of receiving my text. This does help ease my mind, but I’m still cautious. I don’t know the people he’s staying with (I don’t know if it’s just one person or more, whether the person is male or female, etc) but from what I’ve gathered whoever he’s staying with goes to work, so it seems like he’s home alone most of the time. He doesn’t really go out a whole lot because from the sounds of it he’s in a remote place and there isn’t much to do around there, so he doesn’t ever seem to be around anyone when we talk so he never has to explain who he’s with. He’ll call me throughout the day and at night, which also gives me a bit of comfort, knowing that he’s not just calling at specific times or whatnot.

He always texts me good morning when he wakes up (if I wake up before him, I’ll text him first) and this morning I had several texts because I woke up a bit late. I called him upon seeing his messages and he picked up after a few rings. On the bright side, it means that I’m not blocked (anymore?), but on the other hand I’m thinking he might’ve put 2 and 2 together and realized that I was the one who called private yesterday and am catching on to him, so he unblocked me in case I called again? We talked for a while and about 10–20 minutes after hanging up he sent me some sweet texts and images saying he loves and misses me a lot. He used to do that kind of thing a lot for a long time after we started dating, but things had fizzled a bit after we’d had a slight argument a few weeks back. I was a bit thrown off by the almost sudden return to his old lovey-dovey self and I asked him why the sudden change (well, it’s not that sudden because he often sends me sweet messages, but not so many at once, which I guess is what’s throwing me off) and his reply was “I don’t know, I just have peace of mind for some reason or another.” There’s a very high probability that I’m reading way too much into this, but could it be that he’s relieved that he got away with “murder” seeing as I’m still acting normal and, from his point of view, am still oblivious to whatever I’m suspicious about?

I’m aware of how paranoid I may seem right now, but I’m just trying to make some sense of all this so I can have some peace of mind :) Like I said, this is my first long-term relationship, so I don’t know what’s “normal” behavior and what isn’t…I’m hoping someone can enlighten me lol

@jordym84 : This is your first long term relationship and it is long distance. Either of those factors alone could cause a person to overthink and read way too much into things, but what a combination!

No one can say what “normal relationship behavior” looks like. Because no two people are the same and we make relationships up as we go along, with input from culture/society and how we were raised.

I too have been in the position of thinking people were either purposefully ignoring me, or cheating on me. I waited for a while, hoping for a sign things would get better. I got the sign (them suddenly paying some attention to me again), because anything can be a “sign” if you want it to be. And then, at the time of their choosing, they told me they weren’t feeling the same way about me anymore, or were indeed cheating on me. I’ve dated all kinds of people, and people have done this to me who were not even straight guys nor from macho cultures.

And even before you mentioned “on the other hand I’m thinking he might’ve put 2 and 2 together”, that had occurred to me. The situation of someone realizing they have been called on their bs and then becoming all lovey-dovey again… Well, I’ve had it handed to me, and I watched it growing up. It’s one of the stepping stones toward abusive behavior. Not saying that your boyfriend is abusive. Just that this kind of sign gets my hackles up. And I agree with @JLeslie that “most men won’t break up or be honest in this situation,” and would expand it to include most people. People in general tend to avoid taking steps that will make them feel guilty, right?

No one can make sense of this situation for you but you. Best of luck toward that peace of mind.

@bookish1 – I haven’t confronted him about anything so it’s not like he’s changed his behavior as a result of me saying something. He’s always been very caring, but things had changed a bit a few weeks ago when we had a slight argument (nothing major, just the usual relationship stuff and we worked through it). His current behavior is consistent with how he used to be before the argument (in all fairness, the argument was a result of my own trust issues, which I admit have been exacerbated by this relationship – it being my first one and long distance and all – but I can’t fully blame it on him because I’ve always had trouble trusting people). That’s why I want to give him the benefit of the doubt because I know myself well enough to know that I see red flags and signs of trouble everywhere, whether it be in a romantic relationship or not.

But you’re definitely right, I’m the only one who can make sense of this situation. Talking/writing about it is helping me out a lot because when I go back and read what I’ve written I start seeing where I could be wrong, but also where my suspicions are coming from.

Thank you all for the great help :)

@jordym84 : Gotcha. That is good that you are self-aware about having trouble trusting people. My problem has always been that I trust people too much, haha. And I definitely understand how writing about stuff like this can help. Let us know how things are going.

@bookish1 – Yup, that’s why I’m avoiding confronting him for now. I want to give him a fair chance because it could be that he has good intentions and is being genuine and I’m being too paranoid and cynical. And sure thing, I’ll keep you posted.

Okay… you need to stop. This back and forth is just bullshit, imo. I think you either need to address this head on or let it go, otherwise it’s going to eat away at you and will turn into a poison that completely contaminates your relationship. I got twisted up inside just reading all this. Jesus, you had me doubting the guy and I don’t know him from Adam! Unless you come right out and ask him you, you will never know exactly how he feels and what is going on.
If you keep dissecting this, you will keep finding all kinds of supposed “red flags” to toss at it. I’m not big on red flags or lines drawn in the sand. I think they are bullshit stipulations and restrictions people put on each other to act certain ways or say specific things that you (according to them) should say and do. While their are certain things that you should have zero tolerance for, everyone is human and makes mistakes. If a person has all these nit-picky things they will not accept, their flags and lines quickly become walls and motes.
For me, him not picking up the phone every time you call doesn’t deserve over analyzing. Him never answering when you call or rarely calling does, however. This happened to me. I put up with it and made excuses for him.
Never make excuses for a man. Either address this or let it go. Period.

@Ela: Wow, well put. You were more blunt than I tend to be but I agree… It’s obvious that this is concerning her a lot and she’s thinking tons about it, and it would be better to just address what’s going on right now before it eats away at her or at the relationship any more.

@Ela – to reiterate what @bookish1 said “Wow” indeed!! That’s all I needed to hear!

I’m making the choice to let it all go starting now because I have no concrete evidence of any wrong-doing on his part and I do realize that at times I’m rather cynical and maybe a tad hypocritical (i.e. it may be ok for me to suddenly change my behavior and start being more attentive and lovey-dovey without there being any hidden meaning to it – I did and there wasn’t – and yet when he does the same thing I find it suspicious). I can either forgive and forget, or forever relive it and make myself miserable with anxiety. I choose the former.

Everything you said in your post is stuff that I tell myself whenever my doubts start spiraling out of control (which happens more often than I like to admit), but having it come from someone who doesn’t even know me is way more impacting than I could ever have imagined! Thank you for your straight-forwardness!!

Well, overall it sounds like everything is ok. For now you probably just have to let it go. If other signs pop up then maybe stir up your worry, but for now it seems like an isolated thing with the phone, and I would do your best not to obsess about it. Confronting him would likely not help you at all, unless he is really ready to break up, and just needed an opening to do it. I don’t get the sense he wants to break up if he calls first thing in the morning and other good things.

@JLeslie – Thank you! There are definitely way more good things than bad ones in our relationship and he is a caring guy, so whenever something “bad” does pop up, it throws me off because of its unusual nature, and so I over-analyze and obsess over it for no reason (something I’ve really only realized now, looking back at this “back and forth” with myself) and that’s not fair to him. But I’m taking it upon myself to stop doing that from here on out or I might end up ruining the relationship with my own insecurities, most of which have nothing to do with him.

Thanks everyone for your input, I really appreciate the help you’ve given me :)