Social Question

mowens's avatar

Should I call, or should I wait?

Asked by mowens (8264 points ) June 15th, 2012

Although I am aware that this is the age old question, I have decided my every move will be decided by the collective.

I am a 28 year old gay male. I am really good at getting first dates. Those I de

I get excited. It is so rare that I meet someone that I want to go on multiple dates with (I know, I need to be more open minded) Anyway, I met a guy on Wednesday and we had a great night. I think he had fun too.. because he said so. That being said, it is now Friday. I texted him a bit yesterday, but I think that I am normally overzealous and communicate too much… so I let him say the last thing yesterday and haven’t said anything else yet. Before we went on our date, we talked on the phone all the time, whenever I had time because I was really busy at the beginning of the week. On our date, we both talked about how we were both terrible with the rules of dating… and we usually end up texting or whatever anyway.

Now, I want to call him when I am driving to my parents for the weekend just to say hi, and see how things are going. Is that weird after one date? Or should I wait for another day or two? Just curious on opinions… should I wait? The last “real” thing I said was “Regroup sundayish?” (because we are both busy until then.. so I figured id just talk to him on Sunday)

For the record I hate this crap. I just like him and want to talk to him again. This shouldn’t be a bad thing. Grr. Thanks all.

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20 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

Calling while you are driving is a very bad idea under any circumstances.

“Regroup Sundayish?” is vague, weird and decidedly unromantic. You sound like a drill sergeant.

Just call him now. Either he wants to talk to you or he doesn’t. Best to find out.

zenvelo's avatar

You don’t say how the texts went yesterday. If they went well, go ahead and call late today while driving, and let him know it’s just a chat while you are in the car. That way he won’t feel smothered. And figure out if you can see him Sunday, or just talk Sunday night.

But then no call from you tomorrow. Let him initiate tomorrow, and if he doesn’t you’re just so busy it is not a concern, especially if you have arranged to talk Sunday.

Good Luck!

mowens's avatar

@zenvelo I think the texts went well yesterday. We didnt really say much. Good deal. I will do just that.

@gailcalled Why do you think it is a bad idea? Hahaha I was trying to be funny. :) I failed. Hahaha.

gailcalled's avatar

When you say that you had a great night, does that mean you did more than what conservative people do on first dates?

(The humor was embedded in too much serious text.)

mowens's avatar

We didnt do anything sexual if that is what you mean… we just had great conversation.

gailcalled's avatar

That’s what I was too polite to ask about. What’s to lose by calling him? He may be just as nervous as you.

mowens's avatar

Very true. :)

tedd's avatar

Rule of thumb is 3 days, but it’s hardly a written in stone rule. Sometimes I will text a girl the next day to just say hi or say what a nice time I had. In general, just feel it out. If a response comes quickly and the person seems interested in talking (ie not short answers that are straight to the point and give you the vibe you’re bothering them)... then continue to talk, if not, stop and wait another day or so or for them to contact you.

Obviously worth noting this is what I’ve done with girls, no idea on how it would work on guys.

mowens's avatar

@tedd Thanks Westy. :)

mowens's avatar

@tedd 3 days from when you met, or from the last text?

tedd's avatar

Usually from when you last went out on a date. That could apply to when you first met, but I would caveat that by saying if you just met the night before, you should probably initiate some kind of contact just so they don’t forget you exist all together.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Wait, don’t show more enthusiasm….let him step forward too.

wundayatta's avatar

I’m with @gailcalled. If you want to call him, do it. All this double thinking is games playing. Is that how you want this relationship to be? Playing by the numbers? Whatever. You’re already off on the wrong foot. It doesn’t much matter what you do.

A relationship should be natural, I think. You should go on what you feel. The instant you get away from that genuine response to another person, you put distance between you and make it harder and harder to keep good lines of communication open. You are already being someone you aren’t.

If you really like someone, then I don’t see what you have to gain from caution. If you chase them away by appearing too anxious, then how could they be the person you thought they were? If they are really the person for you, they will be totally into hearing from you as soon as you want to talk to them. If you chase them away, that’s good, because it keeps you from wasting more time, and like you said, you have no trouble getting first dates.

I wonder if you have trouble with subsequent ones because you second guess your own feelings so much.

jca's avatar

I am all for not playing games and just doing what you want. So therefore, I would call if I were you.

mowens's avatar

@wundayatta That is exactly how I feel. But, everytime I get this far I do something wrong to push them further away. I am otherwise a very confident man. Just in this weird dat1 and a half to date 5 area I lose it. Does that make sense? I think I’ll call. I am a good conversationalist. :)

Earthgirl's avatar

I would call. If he likes you he’ll be very happy to hear from you. And if he doesn’t? well then, it doesn’t really matter does it? He said he had fun, he could just be being polite but there is nothing to be gained by playing games. Just don’t come off as desperate and overly serious. Like @wundayatta says, be natural. Go with your heart and say what you mean.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Happy Monday @mowens! I hope you had a great weekend. How did the situation turn out?

mowens's avatar

I am not sure. Hahahaha. I am giving him space… We hung out once more and things were great, but he just lost his job and things are wierd.

I’m just confused. :)

jca's avatar

@mowens: Maybe it’s not a good time for him with losing his job. Maybe some time and space will have him come around. Maybe not.

mowens's avatar

Yea that is what I figured. Even though it annoys me. :)

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