What happened?

We really connected several times and she told me stuff that she has only told a couple other people about bad things that happened in her childhood, fuck I just don’t get it.

I don’t even know why I’m asking it’s all pointless, I just feel like not existing anymore and neve had being existed

Bad luck. But this stuff happens. I would not let it get you down. As the man once said, “the darkest hour comes before dawn.” Be patient, wait your turn.

I am sorry for your pain, but I have to ask: Are you drunk fluthering?

This sounds really awful. I’m sorry you have been treated this way.

I wish I could tell you what happened, but I wasn’t there. I must say that what she wrote sounds very immature. Bad spelling and all. So maybe you have been hanging out with girls who are too immature for you and who don’t or can’t understand you. If she called you a smartass, that sounds like a clue that she doesn’t get your sense of humor. Perhaps she felt insulted by something you said.

How old are you? I forget. She sounds like she’s 13 or 14 at most. So I wouldn’t expect her to behave very rationally.

If you’re that young, then you should know that your emotions are pretty jacked up, too. Your brain has not finished growing, and your emotional circuitry isn’t yet capable of mature responses. That’s part of the reason why you are reacting so strongly to this.

It will calm down with time. The first few days are the hardest. But after a while you will be able to cope better. You won’t feel so down on yourself. You’ll start to get some perspective on what happened, and you will recover.

Best of luck. This really sucks.

@josie Every single tme it’s jsut stayed at the darkest hour. I’m guessing that’s where I’m meant to exist to the extent that I do.

First thing I want to say is that if you’re feeling suicidal, please please do not hesitate to call 1–800-273–8255. And a neat website you can try is http://www.compassionpit.com/. People are there just to listen to you when you’re feeling down.

Secondly, I want to tell you that the problem is her, not you. Seriously, what she said…incredibly hurtful and terrible. I’m really sorry that you were strung along by a girl like that. It doesn’t mean you need to come to any awful conclusions about yourself, though.

Please try not to view every upsetting event as a “sign” that you’ll never ever find someone decent. That’s a depressing and inaccurate way to view life. Shit will happen, but I promise you there are better girls than that out there who would be into you. Give it time. Easier said than done, I know.

I think you should consider talking to someone about your low self esteem. I don’t mean that as an insult in any way. Therapy has helped me a lot.

Listen kiss, hug, penis, hug – get a grip! So you’re unlucky in love. This isn’t the end of the world. So enough with the “not existing anymore” talk.

You’ll get this eventually. But for now, get some sleep – and with it maybe some perspective.

I’m sorry it’s sucks at the moment, but hey… ya got us. Hang in there.

You felt sure she was the one—and you were wrong. Now you feel sure you can’t find love. You probably are just as sure now as you were then. But you’re wrong again. Take solace in the fact that many of us have gone through similar disappointments and without even keeping our chins up managed to stumble into something wonderful. You may too. I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

@Mariah That;s the thing, there is no point to living or suicide, its all pointless.

@XOIIO Some girls (guys too) get really nasty when they decide to end things—they can’t be mature and levelheaded about saying that their feelings or desires changed. Instead of seeing it as, “This isn’t working out,” they have to vilify the other person to justify their feelings. Some people disappear, some just get downright nasty for no reason.

This is a very immature way to deal with whatever’s going on in her head. I agree with @Mariah, it is her, not you. I’ve spent a few hours with you in the chat room in the past, and it doesn’t take much to know for a fact that you are a great guy. Keep on going—you WILL find someone who doesn’t blow up like this when things get rocky.

To add…I’ve not been lucky in relationships either… one nastie after another. Regardless of that, I still have hope and think there’s someone out there for me. The point is to focus on yourself, your strengths and just keep moving on. That’s how you find the best people. Call me a cockeyed optimist…

She didn’t even do it in person she sen back to another town with her freind and had her tell me at first, it would have been nice at least for her to respect me enough to do it in person or give me a real reason why.

@XOIIO That’s a coward’s way out, frankly. I’m sorry :(

It’s all shitty, everything about the way she handled this was shitty. She behaved really immaturely. You know what though? That kind of immaturity will get more and more rare the older you (and therefore your peers) get. So it’s not something you have to lose all hope over.

You’re looking at the ashes of a former relationship and for obvious reasons all you can see, all you can taste, all that’s left is ashes. But you know that you at least thought you had something once, and maybe you did. You can again someday, and probably sooner than you realize.

I’m with @wundayatta in at least one respect: you’re smarter than most kids your age (however old you are), and I’d bet that something that you said in all innocence or maybe as a joke, was taken completely incorrectly, misunderstood in every way that it could be, and twisted (maybe by others, you just don’t know right now) into some kind of perceived insult to her and her intelligence. You’re definitely smarter than she is, by a long way. I suspect that she has some serious issues with self-esteem that you know nothing about (and better now that you not even try to find out; this girl has “head case” written all over her). She’ll be someone else’s “project” now.

So instead of asking for clarification and maybe saying, “Hey, it’s just not working out, but let’s be friends,” as most girls who break up with you will do (because let’s continue to be honest, this is probably going to happen more often in your life as it goes on, as strings of failed relationships frequently to most people during their younger years – and sometimes all through their lives), she chose to be vindictive, cruel, vicious. Completely over the top and destructive. That’s not at all normal.

Well, you have to learn to really take things slow, don’t invest your whole life in a single person too soon – be absolutely ready to do that someday, just not after a few dates – and try to learn the lessons, whatever they are for you.

One lesson that seems obvious to me is to pick a girl who is more your equal – or superior – in intelligence. This girl was not worthy of you; that’s obvious to me and all of your other friends here. I’m not saying you’re perfect, but you don’t deserve what she gave you.

And yeah, it’s going to suck for a while now. So you also have to go through the motions of your life in “recovery mode” for awhile. Don’t look for a new relationship right away. But also don’t think that it’s impossible to find one, that you’ll never find one, that it’s hopeless to expect more. Just take care of yourself for awhile. Get plenty of sleep. Cry if it helps, definitely do grieve. And by the time some gorgeous day in fall comes around, and you find yourself waking up and thinking what a great day it is to be alive (and it will be), then know that your recovery is nearly complete. Just don’t lose the lessons. That’s why you had to go through this.

@CWOTUS Thing is I can’t even cry any more now matter how bad things get, I don’t know why.

Anyways I’m out of high school now and i work as a computer tech, how the hell am I going to meet anyone? It’s just going to be go to work come home game and sleep till the next day, that’s it.

You don’t need to meet anyone right now. It wouldn’t be good for you to meet anyone with an eye to a future relationship; your current outlook is skewed, and “who you would seem to be” is not who you really are. That’s why you need to keep your head down for awhile and just go through the grief and recovery stages. It’s not surprising that you can’t even cry any more now; you may still be in shock from the way this all went down, because it was so hard, cruel and apparently totally undeserved.

Eventually you’ll be ready to go out – however you do that – with an eye toward meeting someone, and then you can look for ways to do that. But now isn’t a good time to start. Give it time.

First, I’m sorry this awful thing happened to you.

Now, isn’t life a wonderful adventure? Just a few weeks ago, you never thought you’d have a chance to love this person, and then it happened. It could happen again tomorrow or next month or next year.

That’s the amazing thing about what we call life. It’s an adventure. We don’t know what’s going to happen next.

Enjoy the ride.

I know you are young, @XOIIO , and I could tell you the (now) funniest and really sad and dirty story about something that happened to me – but what I am going to tell you is that this happens to everyone (surprise!) in one way or another, you just have to move on. It’ll be ok.

@CWOTUS It’s not any more, it’s at all, I literally can’t cry no matter how depressed I am, how bad a feel or how much I want to, it’s impossible.

I think we are attracted to people who share the same level of madness that we ourselves do. So if you are continually unlucky in love, it could be you are choosing the wrong people because of your own attitudes. I would seek counseling and do some self examination to see what is going on in my own life. When I have me under control and running smoothly, then I would go out and see who is out there who complement my current situation.

What an immature bitch. You know you deserve better, right?

Aye, what @Judi said. The lady has proven her relative unworthiness. You are now free to continue searching for your soulmate!
Breakups are painful, depressing things. And depression is such that it leaves a malaise like you’ve got. Things will look bad to you, but that’s your emotions messing with you: you are still the bright, friendly guy that we’ve come to know. You will heal. Meanwhile take heart: you are a decent guy, God loves you, and we all care for you and are here to support you.

Shows how pathetic I am that the only support I have is strangers on the Internet.

@XOIIO : This is directly in response to your previous post.

@XOIIO Nobody that you spend years getting to know could possibly be a stranger. If it’s faces you need, check out our photobucket account! :D
And I’d bet that you’ll have the support of your IRL friends and family.

and, @XOIIO , you and I share kind of a common past, (pretty sure it’s you), and once you get out of that, you will think differently and not get into things like this. With people like this. Just sayin.

@XOIIO , have you sought support from people you know in real life? There is nothing wrong with bouncing things off strangers here before taking it to the real world. We can he you process this shit so when you do reach out it makes more sense in your head. Your not pathetic, just hurt and no one can blame you. I don’t understand how people can be so mean.

@XOIIO Don’t knock the strangers on the internet thing… I got through my divorce, the craziness in my life at that time and a lot of pain by having Fluther friends. I was very, very lonely IRL and had nobody to talk to because the only people I knew were the ones I worked with, and I would NOT share personal things at work. So I had Fluther.

I didn’t always share my frustrations here, but just having a group of people somewhere, even online, that were my friends—- it is precious. Just because it’s not IRL doesn’t mean it has less value—it’s just a different way to have friends. Often my online friends know me waay, waaaaay better than my IRL acquaintances.

So… you have Fluther—you have us. {{{hugs!}}}

@Judi I never get help from anyone with anything. I can’t talk to anyone

All I know now is that I’ll just pointlessly go through my every day routine. It’s a waste of time to do it but it’s pointless not to. I have nothing else. The real only reliable thing I can get enjoyment from is computers anyways, at least they don’t betray you, and leave you with nothing.

This proves everything I have said before though. Everyone chooses the good looking popular rich guy in the end, and the people like me are always thrown aside. It doesn’t matter if we’re tossed out right away or picked up and played with a bit, I’ll always end up in the gutter.

Just to add to what everyone has said… I’ve had more than 35 boyfriends in my life. 35. That is a lot of failed relationships! Some of them ended very, very badly, to put it mildly. But, I’m very happily married! Please remember that you don’t know the future, and a few failed relationships cannot change that.

I’m really sorry she hurt you like this. Want me to kick her in the shin?

Just take a deep breath and think with your heart. Take the decision and never look back.

“Ok [my name] leave me the fuck alonei hate u and ur creepy and to fuckinsmartassed and i cant take it anymore So bye bye and have a shitty life…....oh and maybe go fuck [another mistakes name] again shed love that!!!!!! and never crawl back to me becuz god damn u ugly bitch!!!”

Sorry for my flippant answer… but I think there’s a deep unspoken philosophical divide between people who write normally and people who write like this person. I can’t even really explain it. People on your side like to think things through and have reasonable, logical conversations. People on this person’s side make passive-aggressive, misspelled rants on facebook. Would it really have worked out between the two of you, in the long run?

But I kind of actually believe that.

@abundantlife you mean the organ made for pumping and distributing blood with no other purpose? There is no way you can look at anything with that, all it is is a tool used by your body, and nothing else.

It’s both pathetic and interesting that this is having a physiological affect on me, I can’t get over the feeling of constantly wanting to vomit. Really it’s stupid that some pathetic fabricated emotion can do this, but I guess I can only fight evolution so much. That’s been proven by my constant mistake making.

Really it proves that once definition of insanity, repeating the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome when you know there isnt one.

Dear @XOIIO,

You are learning one of the lessons that we all learn. All of us. Everyone.

You are not unique. Your suffering is not special. Your heartache is not new.

You are a wonderful person, and another wonderful person will recognize that some day.

Now, get some sleep.

Aloha,
Jake

Maybe you’re attracted to the wrong women, ‘cause jeez!

Hey @XOIIO. I know you’re feeling pretty low right now. We’ve all “been there done that.”
If there’s any consolation to be had look at all the caring replies you’ve received above. At least a dozen people here are concerned and care about you. That says something.

For now, be the best computer tech you can be. Remember, half the customers are females and a good number of them are near your age. Just sayin’.

I forgot to give you a GQ. Sorry. Hope it helps you feel better.

Shit happened, that’s what.

I guess this goes without saying, but I have to put it out there. Please, if you think you might harm yourself get some help. We will help you find it in your area if you need it.
This kind of mean attack, especially on a public forum can knock the healthiest person for a loop. This girl is a bully of the worst kind. Being hurt and rejected is hard enough but to be so public about it, I’m 51 years old and I want to kick her ass for being so mean.
If anything in you is prone to clinical depression, something like this could knock you on your butt. It’s ok to get a medical intervention to help you get through the hardest part.
One thing I can promise you is that it WILL get better.
Block her from your Facebook and day by day move on. Karma is a bitch and know that some day she will get hers. This says everything about her character and nothing about yours.

@XOIIO , Just saw this quote and it made me thnk of you.
“The world is round
and the place which may seem like the end
may also be only the beginning.”
– Ivy Baker

I’m 12 and what is this?

@XOIIO I hope you are feeling a lot stronger today. This girl is an idiot and a cruel idiot at that. You deserve better and while you feel nobody will ever love you, they will. You are a bright young man and there will be a lovely young woman out there who will find you one day.

We might only be your online friends, but we do care about you.

I just don’t see why this happens to me time and time again. For almost everyone else things go just as they should and sure some of them don’t work, but I’m surrounded by people talking about how great things are and how happy they are, it’s as if fate just wants to rub it in my face even more, it can’t just let me lose the most important thing to me, but t has to show me that everyone else’s lives are going just fine.

Some lives are fine some of the time and not fine at other times. When it is not fine we would normally re evaluate what we could do differently to change it.

We have a few “bank” balances in life. Friends, spiritual (what ever shape or form), work, family, and a love partner. If each balance is tended to finding a love partner becomes easier and also not the nucleus of our existence.

Any person who posts such bad things in public deserves a thank you and a delete. A thank you from saving you wasting precious time on her. And a delete because why would one keep such a rage full person in our lives?

@XOIIO , I have found that a lot of people are just really good at hiding their problems. Everyone has trials in their lives. Some people are ok putting it out there and some hide it and put on a happy face all the time.
Before I got married I never had a relationship last more than 6 months. It was all trial and error. Now you have a clearer idea of what you DON’T want. Chock this bitch up as part of a difficult learning curve. Better is out there.

@XOIIO as @Judi and @augustlan said, some people meet people and it lasts for ages, maybe forever and they have few relationships. Others have one short thing after the next. It’s just the way it is. Instead of seeing it as some sort of failure, see it as learning about love and life and what’s right for you. I had a lot of ‘failed’ relationships when I was younger. Thank god! I hate to think how my life would have turned out if I had ended up in a long term thing with some of those people. I’m not saying it didn’t hurt like hell at times or that I didn’t feel rejected, lonely and wonder ‘what’s wrong with me?’ You just have to believe there is someone out there for you (and there is) and keep learning about life until you find them.

Would you really want to be with this girl long term? After what you know about her now? It’s not your loss, it’s hers. Sounds like you had a lucky escape. Just don’t get bitter. It will work out when she is the right one for you.

Get counseling so you are not attracted to the wrong sort of person.

That’s the thing we had loads in common, and got along great before we dated and during, and we always had a good time together.

It might have been her freind that hates me that posted that but idk, her other freind told me she’s done this before, that she runs away when she gets scared or nervous, idk why though.

I do know this shows how pathetic I am, when I was with her she was the reason for even doing anything or to even try, so that I could be here for her and get a better job so I could provide for her, and make her happy and make sure that she was never unhappy again because she didn’t deserve to be unhappy, and now without that everything is just pointless.

@XOIIO A partner should never be one’s sole reason for living. You really do need to work on being happy with yourself and on your own before you think about getting into another relationship. When we are whole people alone, and love ourselves, a partner is just the icing on the cake… not the whole cake.

@augustlan that’s the thing, sure I can be a bit content alone if I don’t think about it, but all I really do is work, game, watch movies or sleep, it’s practically nothing. I don’t even have freinds to go out and hang out with or anything

@XOIIO the time you have remaining to wallow in self-pity and posit that “you brought it all on yourself because…” is slipping away. That’s good, because that shit just can’t go on for much longer without actively driving people away from your side who would be and are on your side.

Get it all out of your system and… get over it. Grief is one thing, self-pity (and wallowing in it) is quite another.

As everyone here has told you, her recent actions are about her, not about you. Her actions seem to have almost nothing to do with you, in fact, except to have landed on you. Well, that’s too bad, it really is, but this misbegotten idea that because of this, or because of anything similar that may have happened in the past, “this is your lot in life”, really is pathetic. But that’s in your head, and you’re the one who keeps putting it there.

The only thing that can show “how pathetic you are” is this utter nonsense you keep dredging up to indicate that you believe anyone else’s actions – ever – show how pathetic you are. Is that clear? The pathetic thing is being knocked down, and then staying down. Being hurt, and believing that one deserves that. Being treated like shit and thinking, “well, that’s just the way it is with me”. The pathetic thing is having a conversation with yourself – and taking the side of the guy in your head who thinks that you’re a loser. Just stop the conversation. Get out of your head.

And I don’t mean “just shut up about it”. What I do mean is “change your mind about yourself”. Take a walk, literally, and smell the air. The first thing you need to do is stop talking to yourself.

Here’s a trick that people use about their lives and whether they are good or bad. In fact, you can judge your life either way. Just because a lot of people would say it sucks to have someone break up with you, doesn’t mean you have to say it sucks. You could say it was a good thing. Why? Well, that might be a bit of trick, but it’s doable.

First, let’s talk about other people’s good lives. One of the things I have had to learn is about being grateful for my life. I had plenty of reasons over the years to think my life sucked. There were many times when, like you, someone broke up with me and I thought I was a total loser who was unlovable and would never find a lover.

I was miserable. Eventually, however, I got over it, and I would meet someone new, and some of those relationships turned out to give me a lot. But I had to learn to remind myself of that. I had to remember to be grateful for the good moments after things broke up. That wasn’t easy. It was so easy to tar everything with the same brush, when we broke up. It made everything bad.

Over time, I learned to separate the ending from the middle and the beginning and to remember fondly the good parts. I learned how to focus on those memories, and in doing this, I started to feel ever so little a bit better about myself. Eventually, I could look back and say it was a good thing we broke up because we were driving each other crazy in this way or that way.

We couldn’t agree about money. We weren’t really compatible as lovers. This, that and the other thing. Breaking up was good and it allowed me to meet my wife. That kind of thing.

It’s hard to see it now, but later it will become clear that this door has closed, but it will allow another one to open. The open door will lead you to a future that you get to make yourself, and because of that, and because of what you learned in this relationship, the future will be something you are more comfortable with.

@augustlan is right— the relationship is the icing on the cake when you’re finally content with yourself and happy. It took me until I was 40 to get that. Try to get ahead of me :)