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glenjamin's avatar

Why would it take more than 4 years to get over someone I barely know?

Asked by glenjamin (2481 points ) September 2nd, 2012 from iPhone

Fell in love with a girl, never went out, it’s been so long why am I still hung up on this?

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7 Answers

hearkat's avatar

You were “in love” with a fantasy; and as such, it can continue to play out in your mind indefinitely—especially if you keep going over ‘shoulda, coulda, woulda, and what-ifs’.

marinelife's avatar

@hearkat is right. You never even went out with her so you did not experience the bumps and bruises of a real relationship. You have nothing to counterbalance the fantasy.

You could look her up and really get to know her and that might be enough to kill the fantasy.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

There was a time that I felt the same way that you do. What I later discovered is that the reason for hanging on is due to lack of finding out which way it might go had we gone out.

In my case, that chance came up. The guy’s girlfriend called me up to say that he was moving to my area and asked if I needed a roommate. I invited him over for dinner, and he ended up moving into the same building. It didn’t take long to learn that we were not meant to be a couple solely based upon personality differences. Plus, I got to know his girlfriend better and saw that they were an ideal match. They are still happily married almost 30 years later.

There are also situations where two people meet up again later in life and get together. And it works. You have to either go for it or learn to live with the possibility of “What if?”. The former is the better way to go.

Cruiser's avatar

You have obsessive tendencies and low self esteem I would guess. Even to pine away over someone you never dated for even 4 months is not healthy. Maybe it’s time to see a counselor.

ninja_man's avatar

Cause your name is Ted Mosby?

glenjamin's avatar

Sorry I wrote this when trying to lower my medication. I went back up and the obsessions are gone. It’s obviously a mental disorder I have, I guess I just have to live with it

creative1's avatar

If you don’t let her go you won’t be fully available to meet and fall in love with someone new. You will be constantly be comparing her to someone who in your mind you have made perfect but yet you have to remember you are no longer for a reason.

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