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Unbroken's avatar

What is your method of dealing with people (that you can't avoid) that consistently act like adult children?

Asked by Unbroken (10257 points ) November 26th, 2012

Is it effective?
Disgruntled and/or funny stories welcome.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

15 Answers

ucme's avatar

I refuse to answer their ques….....

YARNLADY's avatar

I try to just pretend it isn’t happening, just like I would ignore a three year old temper tantrum. It hardly every works, because she craves the attention.

Bellatrix's avatar

Depends on the circumstances. If it is someone at work and I have to remain in contact with them I will either speak to them about their behaviour or try to ignore it and see if time resolves the problem. It often does. In other circumstances my preference is to ignore the behaviour and avoid contact with the person and that’s what I will usually do. I generally don’t think such people are worth wasting my time on.

starsofeight's avatar

If you can’t avoid them, they are part of your life. Treat them as part of your life. Patient. Considerate. Sometimes, a single well placed word can ease them (albeit unknowingly) forward on the path of their stalled development. And don’t forget to smile; you are also a part of their lives.

marinelife's avatar

Am I sure that I can’t avoid them? Them being relatives does not preclude my avoiding them.

Dutchess_III's avatar

“OK, well, I gotta go.”

Unbroken's avatar

This was actually in honor of a friend who took a family member in, who is now proceeding to avoid all responsibility and walks away when asked to contribute.

But some good ideas out there.

Yeahright's avatar

@rosehips did you just happen to meet my mom and she inspired this question?

Coloma's avatar

I have cleaned house in the last decade and am pleased to say I swiftly get rid of people like this. I am not a therapist and I do not put up with others dysfunctions, at all, anymore.
If it is completely unavoidable I just remain calm and pleasant but do not engage them in any drama. I have an ex boss who was difficult, and expected you to jump on command, sometimes calling me in at the last minute and then becoming aggressive when I told him I would be in AFTER, I finished what I was doing based on the fact of not having work that day.

I find the “broken record ” routine to be very effective.
The more pressure he put on me, using all the manipulative tactics of trying to guilt trip me, make me responsible for HIS poor planning, and going so far as to TELL me whether or not I needed to do what I needed to do, ( wtf! ) well…..I just kept repeating myself ” I will be in as soon as I am able.” ” I will be in as soon as I am able.”
Finally he gave up.

I despise manipulative people and will never buy into their ploys if I am at all aware.

Unbroken's avatar

@Yeahright Lol. I don’t envy you on the parent bit. I told my sister she is going to have deal with my dad when the time comes. She wasn’t too happy.

@Coloma Excellent ideas. I loathe guilt trips and manipulative twists. The more often they are used the less effective and sympathetic I am, still I could shore up a few areas more securely. I will have to try that out. Indeed very good advice, and good boundaries.

@starsofeight I share your views on compassion and kindness. It can never be an overused tactic. Though people may mistake kindness for weakness the ones who practice it know it is actually a position of strength, but can at times be turned against you.

@marinelife I have in moments of necessity avoided my family very adroitly. It is now expected of me. You will get no arguments from me.

@Bellatrix I used to scared of the direct approach. What the heck was I scared of exactly. Lol. I still find it easier to avoid or tolerate people that I don’t have much contact with. With it is a practice that I need to refine.

@YARNLADY Sympathy for you. I am reluctant on the idea of children because they just demand so much darn work and it is so easy to screw up.

@ucme Lol.

@Dutchess_III By all means do things in small measure. Healing process takes precedence

Shippy's avatar

Don’t give a finger, they take your whole hand then your arm and finally swallow you whole.

Coloma's avatar

@rosehips There is a great book called ” Who’s pulling your strings?” by Harriet Braiker
It is about all the manipulative tactics people use and how to extract yourself from, and/or not play into the manipulation. Not being of a manipulative nature myself I found it very enlightening. One of my now ex friends was a master manipulator and it took me a few years to really catch on to her sneaky and deceptive ways. She was so subtle yet, every damn time she’d get me. lol

It was so ironic, because even when I would actually say out loud to myself…” Be on red alert, A. is in high manipulative mode” she would get me every damn time! lol
Classic manipulation until later when you think to yourself….” hey, wait a minute, what just happened?!!!” Drove me crazy.
The book really helped me identify her tactics, flattery, vagueness, bribes, selective inattention.

Man, what an education! Invaluable!
I am very aware now when people are being manipulative and I will call them on it directly in the moment.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@rosehips What? You kind of lost me. I don’t have anything to “heal” from because I don’t stick around to be hurt to begin with…..

Unbroken's avatar

@Dutchess_III I think I misread your response. I get it now… “duh” at me.
@Coloma thank you for the book referral. I will look into it.
@Shippy I won’t bite you, you saved my life, says the snake to rabbit.. I forgot the specifics of that little folktale but I definitly remember the snake and the biting. Something about not changing your nature. Dammit. I have trampled on literature. Please forgive.

Dutchess_III's avatar

OK @rosehips! And I re-see what you saw! LOL!

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