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Sjcluna's avatar

Could it be that my friend is sabotaging her recovery?

Asked by Sjcluna (122 points ) January 1st, 2013

My friend had made lots of changes last year and started running and lost lots of weight. When she broke her foot in September she was obviously upset that this would slow her progress. Soon after she got a blood clot and started taking Warfarin. The problem is that I think she is sabotaging her own recovery by taking it when she doesnt need to. She wont seek a second opinion and keeps saying that her foot isnt healing, despite being out of plaster and off crutches. I have tried to suggest alternatives but she just wont listen and appears to subconciously enjoy the drama that comes with the problems. Do you think I am imagining it or is she sabotaging her own recovery and how might I help her to recover in a more positive way? I have to admit i’m losing patience with her.

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15 Answers

Shippy's avatar

If in fact she is doing this, why should you be caught up in it? We are powerless over peoples actions and choices.

hearkat's avatar

All you can do is be honest with her… and if you want to continue the friendship, accept and respect her choices. A person has to feel worthy of happiness, and want to change, and has to be able to envision themselves as having achieved their goals before they can follow-through and take action.

Coloma's avatar

Yes, I agree with @Shippy
Nothing you can do if she isn’t open to really taking a look at her behaviors.
I have a friend right now that has a drinking problem, nothing major, over the top, as in legal trouble, health issues, broken relationships, but the red flags are there.
Her family has expressed concern for her drinking, she has made repeated and failed attempts to cut back and she is also more and more often choosing to not attend non-alcoholic functions. She was upset yesterday that she had agreed to babysit her 2 yr. old grand daughter and wouldn’t be able to go to a New Years party.

I just remind her that while I support her journey that I also see the red flags and encourage her to be aware, consider counseling. Her drinking habits do not effect me, we are only in touch about once or twice a month, but if they did I would take a much firmer stand and maybe even let go of the friendship.
Nothing you can do except share your observations and let her come to her own conclusions.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

She’s had an ordeal—a broken foot, a blood clot, and medication—that happened so suddenly. One day, she was out running and feeling good about herself; in an instant, she was weak and debilitated. She might be very depressed. She may be sabotaging her recovery, or exaggerating her condition, simply because she doesn’t have the ability to get her life back on track (no pun intended).

It won’t do any good to nag or lecture her; in fact, doing so might make things much worse. All you can really do is be her friend.

Coloma's avatar

@PaulSadieMartin Exactly. My friend lost her father to suicide and her twin bother just a few months apart. Situational trauma and that was the jumping off place for her starting to drink a bottle of wine almost every night for the last 2 years now. At least she is aware that her drinking is about her unhealed and unprocessed emotions, even if she is still not quite ready to face her grief in total sobriety.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

@Coloma Trauma and exogenous depressive dissipate over time, and stable, healthy people can recover. It’s unfortunate that your friend has become so dependent on alcohol—self-medicating, I’m sure—but it’s good that she’s aware of her problem. I hope that, when she’s ready, she can confront her losses and put down the bottle.

Coloma's avatar

@PaulSadieMartin I hope so. There is a saying though that ” knowledge without application is useless.” This is where she is stuck, she KNOWS, but can’t seen to take the next step into ACTION.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

@Coloma In my earlier message, I meant to write “drepression” (not “depressive”).

That sense of being “stuck”—knowing that there’s a problem, but not having the wherewithal to fix it—might be one definition of depression.

It’s a vicious cycle and a Catch-22 of helplessness. The longer a person is unable to stop bad, self-destructive behavior, the more depressed that individual becomes. I guess this is why counseling and/or medication are so frequently recommended—do what it takes to break the cycle.

Coloma's avatar

^^^ I agree.

Sunny2's avatar

“taking it when she doesnt need to” If she has a blood clot, the treatment of preference is to take Warfarin .It usually takes months for a clot to reabsorb. How long, depends on the size of the clot. Treatments require regular check ups and usually, but not always, taking potassium to counteract the loss of electrolytes with a doctor’s directions. This means regular (often monthly) checkup. As long as she is seeing a physician, I’d suggest you stay out of her medical treatment. I know you care, but I don’t think you’re helping. If she’s not seeing a physicians, she needs to. Loss of electrolytes can cause a number of behavioral as well as physical reactions.

burntbonez's avatar

Are you a doctor? Warfarin is a very serious medication. Blood clots are extremely dangerous. They can give you strokes and heart attacks. If your friend doesn’t take care of herself properly, she could end up much more severely disabled or even dead. Yet you sound so sure she is taking her medication unnecessarily. If you are a specialist with circulatory system problems, then maybe she should pay attention to you. Otherwise, your advice could be very dangerous.

wundayatta's avatar

There’s not enough information here for us to understand why you would be so sure you are right about the advice you are giving your friend. If you are frustrated with her, it seems to me you would be better off just telling her what you don’t like about her behavior, and spending less time with her.

Buttonstc's avatar

Warfarin is only available by prescription. If she’s taking it, it’s because an MD judges that her condition warrants it.

I don’t understand how you determine that she’s taking it unnecessarily? Upon what basis?

This is not a drug of abuse so she wouldn’t have access to it unless a Dr. deemed it necessary. It’s not like there’s a black market for Warfarin and she can just pick it up from a street dealer like it was Oxy or something.

MYOB

Sjcluna's avatar

Firstly, @Buttonstc I assume that MYOB means “mind your own business”? If it does then there are two issues I take with that comment. One is that I have asked for your advice not your abuse, and two is that doesnt really follow what I had understood to be the guidelines of Fluther. I appreciate those comments that have suggested, diplomatically and objectively, that my frustrations and advice may be misguided, however, I have also taken advice of a nurse in America who suggests that this particular clot, her risk factors, age etc may have not deemed such an invasive medication and that often small clots can dissipate without medication. No I am not a doctor, i am a frustrated and worried friend and am beginning to wonder if this is perhaps the place in which to air these frustrations if the outcome is abuse. Happy New Year to you all!

wundayatta's avatar

@Sjcluna The information about the nurse seems to me to be relevant information. It would have been nice to know it sooner. It would have been really helpful in answering this question.

It sounds like you were looking more for sympathy than medical advice.

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