Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

Could you keep an affair secret?

Asked by wundayatta (58354 points ) January 17th, 2013

I asked why do people feel a need to confess? Now I want to know if you think you could keep an affair a secret if you had to.

I will stipulate to everyone that no one would ever have an affair, so none of you would need to keep that secret. However, if you ever found a compelling reason to keep such a secret, could you actually do it, or would you be unable to keep from confessing? Why?

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26 Answers

syz's avatar

Yes. I have secrets (not that one).

Seek's avatar

If the affair were important to me, instead of just a way to “get back” at someone who wronged me, sure. If it were punishment, getting caught is part of the game.

burntbonez's avatar

I think I could. I keep my own counsel. I don’t need to confess to relieve the burden of guilt. I understand my priorities. If I needed to keep an affair a secret (which I don’t), I would.

wildpotato's avatar

I could, because I’m very good at repressing what upsets me and turning mental pain into physical pain, but I never would. The only problem I have with affairs is that people feel the need to keep them secret.

Jaxk's avatar

If my wife had an affair, I wouldn’t want her to tell me. It does nobody any good. I would be consistent with that principle.

Judi's avatar

Nope. Not that I would ever go there. Who needs the drama?
I never really understood why people didn’t just finish up the relationship they were in before moving on.
Then again, drama and enclosed places are about the only things that throw me into a panic attack so I do whatever I can to avoid it.

Yeahright's avatar

Yes, I could. Not that I’d ever have one, but I do not have the urge to reveal stuff to other people, neither my secrets nor other people’s. If you make promise not to tell someone something I won’t. Simple. I can keep my mouth shut. I think one situation I’d keep an affair a secret is when I suspect that my partner’s could get violent and take it out on me or any loved one in an aggressive manner. That would be a good reason for me not to tell.

livelaughlove21's avatar

Someone else’s affair? Probably – unless I had some close personal relationship with the person cheated on and felt that person needed to know. Otherwise, I’d butt out of it. Not my relationship, not my problem.

My own affair? I could keep it a secret, but I wouldn’t. Then again, I’m not the type of person that does that sort of thing. I’m sure most people say that, but I have very strong opinions about cheating.

Unhappy? Leave the person. Can’t be monogamous? Don’t marry someone who is. Don’t want to get caught? Don’t do it.

tedd's avatar

I doubt it. At least not long term.

Coloma's avatar

No. I have no shameful skeletons in my closet and I plan to keep it that way.
I am not built to be a deceptive type and would spontaneously combust in about 48 hours and have to tell.
I have never understood how people can carry on an affair and then walk in the door to their partner as if they just had a regular day, pat you on the ass and say ” Mmm…great spaghetti sauce honey!” Bah….it takes a real chameleon with reptile blood to pull off that kind of farce.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Could I? Probably. Would I? Never.
I don’t understand how someone could ever be so unhappy with a relationship that they think an affair is the proper choice of action. If you’re that unhappy how about just breaking up with the person and moving on with your life and let them do the same with theirs, instead of living some deceptive double life. I imagine its a lot less stressful than tryin to sneak an affair as well.

Coloma's avatar

@uberbatman I totally agree, jesus, talk about work…I don’t see how anyone could consider an affair to be an easy way out. lol

blueiiznh's avatar

Nope.
If I was in a relationship that was in a state of vulnerability like that I would work to either fix or end the relationship.

zensky's avatar

No-one can. Nothing stays secret forever, buddy. Saw Argo – loved it.

lightsourcetrickster's avatar

Primarily I don’t see the point in an affair, other than to destroy a relationship completely.
Second, I couldn’t ever have an affair and/or keep it secret because the amount of dishonesty I feel that would generate from lying by omission would drive me up the goddamn wall. And I hate dishonesty in any relationship.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Absolutely. I have lots of secrets, personally and professionally, that I’ve kept many years.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I could, but I wouldn’t.

Sunny2's avatar

If I agreed not to tell, then I wouldn’t. My word is good. I wouldn’t even think of telling.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

If I had to for some compelling reason, then yes, of course I could. And I have, but for cowardly reasons.

Bellatrix's avatar

I could keep the secret. I would need a very good reason to do so. I respect my partner and if I cheated on him there would be a problem with our relationship. So either I would end it or want to fix it and that requires honesty.

Coloma's avatar

So I am wondering, maybe lazy people have less affairs? lol

wundayatta's avatar

Lazy? Why would lazy people have fewer affairs?

blueiiznh's avatar

My guess on the lazy question is that it would take a high level of effort to have and hide an affair. In my mind, lazy people wouldn’t put in that effort. They are, well, just lazy.

lightsourcetrickster's avatar

I’m assuming that varying degrees of laziness would lead to different results on that.

Coloma's avatar

^^^ LOL…well, just a random thought.

wundayatta's avatar

Well I am about as lazy a person as you might find fwiw.

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