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Carinaponcho's avatar

Is it realistic to believe that high school relationships can end in eventual marriage?

Asked by Carinaponcho (1369 points ) January 25th, 2013 from iPhone

I am a sophomore in High School, and I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a month. Before we were dating, we were best friend, and really cared about each other. Throughout our relationship, we have always been able to communicate when there is a problem and fix it immediately. We both get along very well with each other’s families and are very close with each other’s siblings. We both love each other so much. Being with him makes me so happy. I love him so much. We both promised we would be together forever. As much as I would like that to be true, many people tell me it’s very unrealistic. I know that over time people change, but I firmly believe that our love for each other never will. Is it still unlikely we will work out?

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16 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

It is possible, but you have a lot working against you. I know a couple that has been married 37 years, they started dating as juniors in high school.

The hard part is people change as they grow into adulthood, move out of their parents for college and start working. At that time you are not in the same environment with the same support structure. But if you can make it through then by supporting each other to grow and become your own best selves, thee is a good chance you can make it. It takes work and lots of communication.

diavolobella's avatar

I would tell you that while it’s not impossible, that statistically speaking it is unlikely. More importantly, you shouldn’t be worrying about that. As long as you are enjoying your relationship and you are happy, that is all you need to be concerned with. You aren’t in a race to get married or to grow up too fast. Take life a day at a time. If you are happy right now, great! If after some time you decide that you might want to meet other people and experience different relationships, there is nothing wrong with that either. Relax.

My daughter is 18 and she just ended a 2 year relationship which was very much like the way you describe yours. She and the boy are still close friends, but they realized they wanted to date other people and experience more of the world. They were each able to come to that realization maturely and, even though it was a little painful for them both, respectfully. If that happens with you, I hope neither of you beat yourselves up (or each other up) over it and understand it’s a perfectly normal part of growing up.

You might be one of those high school sweethearts who do end up married, but that has to just happen. You can’t force it and shouldn’t try. Just live one day at a time and let the future unfold naturally.

JLeslie's avatar

It happens for sure. I have a few friends who started dating in high school, all through college, then got married after graduation, and are still married 20 years later. My neighbors met in high school, married after high school, never went to college, and are still married 30 years later. I worked with two people who dated in high school, got married right after, and were divorced within 2 years. I really think getting married young out of high school stacks the odds against of the relationship surviving forever.

Oh, and of course most people I know who dated in high school did not marry their high school sweetheart.

deni's avatar

Of course it’s possible, just don’t count on it. You are very young in high school regardless of how you feel and you will change a lot and so will he. Maybe you will stay together. Usually not.

Coloma's avatar

It is ossible but not probable.
I met my ex husband at 17.5 and we got married at 21.5 and I divorced him at 21.5 years of marriage. lol
As @zenvelo said, people change drastically over a 20–30 year span, and quite frankly, those couples I do know that have been together for 30–35 years now that met as teens and married are miserable, but to set in their ways and fearful to divorce.
Just the cold, hard facts, but…you have to risk for yourself, don’t let anyone elses opinions sway you.

You might be the 1% that does end up in a rewarding, growing, lifelong relationship that spans decades and decades.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

It happens. I’ve known people who married their high school sweethearts, stayed happy and fulfilled, and wouldn’t change a thing.

If you’re sophomore, you must be 15 or 16? I’ve never been dismissive of young love; I think that someone your age can know deep, enduring love.

Sunny2's avatar

Of course, it’s possible. The fly in the ointment is that we change as we grow older. Most drastically in our twenties. I think it’s a good idea to experience life apart for a while in order to solidify your own identity. You may go to separate colleges, for instance. There have been many good marriages of couples who have known each other since they were children.
To add to the tales you are hearing, I knew a woman in college who had been going with her love all through high school and college. He broke it off before graduation and she was heartbroken. She married a man from Saudi Arabia , moved there, and found herself living in a harem. It took a lot to get out of that situation and back home. Moral of the story: You can’t be certain of anything.

YARNLADY's avatar

It is possible, but statistically improbable.

KNOWITALL's avatar

It’s possible of course, I know a couple that were cheerleader and football player, still married now in their 40’s with a lovely bunch of blue-eyed, blong haired babies, and very happy.

You know the statistics aren’t good, so as long as you keep re-evaluating the relationship and grow together, not grow apart, you should be good.

There’s nothing wrong with a really long engagement!

submariner's avatar

I know two women with Ph.D.s who married their high school sweethearts. One couple lived together for many years before tying the knot officially; the other had a long-distance relationship while the woman was in grad school. Both have been happily married for many years. Both of the women are now tenured professors; one has three kids.

Joker94's avatar

Anything’s possible. Not everything is likely, but nothing is impossible. @zenvelo hit the nail on the head, really.

mrentropy's avatar

I know someone who married his high school sweetheart and they’re still happily married.
On the other hand, that’s the only couple I know like that.

livelaughlove21's avatar

I’m married to my high school sweetheart, so yes. The odds are against you (and us), but people that tell you your relationship won’t work solely based on your age should be ignored. Statistics don’t rule your life.

My husband’s uncle has been married to the same woman for 10 years, they are insanely happy, and they’ve been together since they were 14.

It depends on your relationship, not your age.

android777's avatar

Yes it does happen, and it can happen for you , it does take commitment, and a realization of what real love is about. With commitment it more than triples the likelyhood of success. Good luck to you.

wundayatta's avatar

Possible yes. Likely? Hard to calculate the odds. I’m sure if you look up the statistics, you’ll find that a signficant number of people marry by the age of 18. More, of course, marry by the age of 22. I’d guess that between the ages of 22 and 28 are the greatest number of marriages.

I hope you stay together. I hope you continue to love each other. I hope you are both the right person for each other now and for many years to come. Perhaps even until one of you dies.

However we know that about half of all marriages end in divorce. I’m not sure how that breaks down by age of marriage. It’s probably higher for those who are married at a younger age. But I’m not sure about that.

Well, let’s see. According to this Census Report, in 1970, 40% of women were married for the first time by the age of twenty. As of 2009, around 8% were married for the first time by the age of twenty. People are delaying marriage more and more as time goes on.

The same report shows that most married people are between the ages of 25 and 35. 28% of women between the ages of 15 and 24 were married compared to 20% of men of the same age. In that same age bracket, already 4% of men and 6% of women were divorced.

In the next age bracket, ages 25 to 34, 44% of men were married and 43% of women were married. But already 24% of men and 27% of women were divorced.

So the chances of divorce are pretty high, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get divorced. Some marriages last. We can’t predict which ones. And even if a marriage ends in divorce, you can’t say it was an unsuccessful relationship. They may have had children. They may have had fun. They may have done a lot of positive things. They just couldn’t keep the marriage together forever.

Marriage is important if you have property, children, and health care issues. Otherwise, I don’t think it’s that important that a couple get married. So if you are planning on starting a family right away, I’d suggest you get married. But if you aren’t planning on kids for a while, I don’t see what the rush is. Live together. But wait until you think you want kids to get married. Even wait until you get pregnant to get married.

Of course, if you are religious, then you should get married before you have sex. If you have already had sex without being married, then the religious sanction doesn’t matter to you, and I would wait until pregnancy to get married.

If you never plan to have kids, but you do plan to stay together, I would get married when you have a net worth of 100,000. That is worth protecting through automatic inheritance laws, should you die intestate. Anything less than that is probably not worth worrying about. Most of that will be in joint accounts or in a jointly owned house. You will be ok even if you don’t have wills.

Yetanotheruser's avatar

I’ve seen it happen three or four times, and I’ve been out of high school for about 45 years now.

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