Social Question

the_overthinker's avatar

What do you think of this?

Asked by the_overthinker (1251 points ) January 25th, 2013

So, I showed my boyfriend a lot of new places around our city, and I felt happy that I was introducing to him, new places that he really liked! We had our smoothie shop we always went to, a new sushi place to go to together, a place we went to karaoke too! And I always went to grab a coffee from a particular place :), or a milkshake from a particular shop, he didn’t favor those places though. The thing that kind of peeved me a little, or at least came as a bit strange, was that while I was at work, he brought his female cousin out to all those places that him and I go to, and even brought her and introduced to her the places that I alone, favored, and that he did not particularly even like. I sent a text asking him how he spent his afternoon, but he replied saying that he was relaxing.

Later on, my boyfriend and I met up that day, and I asked him what he did that day. He explained that he went out with his cousin and told me all the places they went… Which were the places I showed him, or that were the places I always go to… I thought it was a little weird that he would take his cousin out to all those places. I also wondered why he didn’t just say he spent his afternoon out with his cousin, but just said he was “relaxing”. I guess I felt that those were places that him and I go together.. I suppose I’m jealous, but I’m not sure if I have grounds
to be. Or if I should just shake it off.

So, you jellies out there, tell me what you think of this? I’m not wanting to make it a big deal or anything, it is just a Friday night with me sitting here and pondering with a facial mask on :). I am just curious of what others think, or if my thinking is just strange.

I haven’t talked to him about this, but I’m not sure if it is a topic worth bringing up.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts ~

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20 Answers

lillycoyote's avatar

What I think? Your boyfriend thought so much of and enjoyed the places you introduced him to that he wanted to share them with his cousin. Don’t make a big deal about it, really. He likes what he likes and seems to like many of the things you like, enough to share them with his cousin.

You don’t “own” the places you took your boyfriend to, you don’t own him and he was sharing his enjoyment of these places; sharing the gift you gave him, of new places that he liked, with his cousin because, I imagine, he thought his cousin would like them too
. What’s the problem?

njnyjobs's avatar

Just shake it off…dont let that eat you up…. its probably less stressful for him to hang with his cousin with not much expectations that would normally be associated with yuor relationship.

wundayatta's avatar

I think he only knew a few places—places you had showed him. So when it came time to show his cousin around, what is going to do? Either he goes to the places he knows (and you showed him), or he does nothing. Or acts like he knows nothing and wanders around looking for things.

I don’t know what you would be jealous of. This is his cousin, after all. Is he going to try to put the moves on his cousin? One hopes not.

Maybe you are just jealous that she got to spend time with him and you didn’t. That’s understandable. But mature people don’t let that bother them. They trust their boyfriends and feel they have good relationships. Perhaps you don’t trust your boyfriend. If that’s the case, you have far bigger problems than what he did all afternoon with his cousin.

Rarebear's avatar

” I’m not wanting to make it a big deal or anything”

Except that seems to be exactly what you’re doing. My advice? Chill.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I don’t think it’s a topic worth bringing up, unless you tell him you’re glad he enjoyed the places you took him so much that he decided to show them to someone else. Relax.

Relationships are hard work. The hardest work of all is learning to not work at it. Let it be. Wear your relationship like a loose coat.

lillycoyote's avatar

I think there is some jealousy involved, to be honest, but it seems odd to be jealous of your boyfriend spending time with his cousin. Cousins are family. What would make you jealous of that.

Perhaps the jealousy is about him taking his cousin to places you introduced him to, places you turned him on to and now he taking his cousin to them like he’s the “cool” one, who knew about these places all the time. Is that possible? That you feel like you’re not getting “credit” for knowing about these places and now he’s showing them off to his cousin, maybe like he knew about them all along?

Anyway, let it go. It’s so minor, and minor, petty jealousies and annoyances such as this, are relationship killers.

Coloma's avatar

Grow up.
Nothing to get your panties in a wad over.
So what, he took his cousin around to the places you turned him on to.
You are being childishly jealous for no good reason.

Is there a law that a person cannot share new places with a friend or relative without including the person that originally took them there. Ridiculous!

deni's avatar

I am not sure why you feel jealous at all over this. If anything you should feel happy and proud that you introduced him to things that he liked enough to show an out-of-towner.

the_overthinker's avatar

Okay, thanks all! I guess it is unanimous. I think that’s what I needed.

YARNLADY's avatar

There’s only one thing that is left out here. Why don’t you just call your boyfriend and tell him you want to be with him and you don’t like sitting home alone.

lillycoyote's avatar

@Coloma Or her knickers in a twist. :-)

lillycoyote's avatar

@YARNLADY I think the OP was at work, when her boyfriend showing his cousin around town, not sitting home alone. That’s the way I read it, at least.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I have no idea – I don’t know if he likes his cousin that way.

Brian1946's avatar

I think that you’re overthinking this whole schmegala.

lillycoyote's avatar

I think @Brian1946 is absolutely right @the_overthinker

… you’re fretting about this indicates to me, at least, that you have chosen your username properly. :-) Don’t over think it, don’t over analyze.

As Jackson Browne wrote in Take It Easy

Take it easy, take it easy
Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
Don’t even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand and take it easy

Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy; just take it easy, really. You’ll be much happier and so will your friends, family and boyfriend, I think.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Nah, don’t let it eat away at you. On the contrary, he wanted to share what he enjoyed. Don’t take it in the wrong way.

Bellatrix's avatar

Agree with all of the posts up there ^. He obviously likes the places you have taken him, he thinks you have good taste and he wanted to share with his cousin. Don’t fret.

livelaughlove21's avatar

Am I missing something? Unless you think he’s boinking his cousin, what exactly is there to be jealous about?

chyna's avatar

Even if some of the places were not places he liked, obviously he thought his cousin might enjoy them since you did. I think it’s a compliment to you that he showed her the places you like.

Kardamom's avatar

So far, everyone has said that this is a non-issue (unless of course you have good reason to believe that your boyfriend is romantically inclined toward his cousin, which should be a deal breaker). Why are you concerned that there is an un-named problem here?

If he’s new to the area, and his cousin is also new to the area, he showed her all of the places that he knew about, because you just showed him. What else would you have him do?

Are you jealous of his cousin? If so why? Do you think he has romantic feelings towards her? Do you think that he spends too much time with her and not enough time with you?

Are you upset that he “stole” your ideas? If so why? Places in a town are not your property, they’re places in a town. If he didn’t know any places, because he’s not from this town, how else would you expect him to proceed? Did you expect him to sit at home and play video games with his cousin and not show her around? Did you expect him to google “fun things to do in town” and then go driving around looking for all of those things that did not include anything that you showed him?

Are you jealous and wish that your boyfriend had not invited his cousin to come to town at all? If so why?

This question and the answers have less to do with what your boyfriend did (which so far no one has suggested was objectionable in any way) than your reaction to what he did. Is there something that we are missing? Has your boyfriend ever done anything (with another girl, or another family member) that you thought was objectionable and that is why your are guessing that he might have done something wrong?

Just curious, because otherwise it doesn’t make any sense that you would be upset.

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