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ETpro's avatar

[NSFW] Can you be a good lover and hate the part/s you use when making love?

Asked by ETpro (34247 points ) March 23rd, 2013

If you think your own sex parts are filthy and disgusting, doesn’t that affect how you view any lover who finds your nasty bits attractive? In specific, many men are taught as boys to think the penis is dirty and disgusting. Do you think that some accept that message, and that it leads some males to think that any lover who finds their cock attractive must be a whore and a slut?

This question grew out of issues explored in the responses to this earlier question, What’s up with all the incredibly hot she-male porn?.

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51 Answers

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I think all parts of sex are beautiful and attractive. I don’t mind swapping body fluids with my loved one. If she finds my dick attractive that makes me love her more.

bkcunningham's avatar

What? Many men are taught as boys to think the penis is dirty and disgusting? I’ve yet to meet a man who thought that. Men I know are fond enough of their penises to give them names.

Unbroken's avatar

I think it can interfere with views of a partner. But doesn’t necessarily have to.

I met a guy, a very nice guy, who didn’t see himself as religous who grew up with the belief sex was “dirty.” He still had sex. But he thought of it as giving in and such and the girl if she pursued it was regarded in a worse light.

He was not ready to approach the subject rationally. Others, less extreme on on either gender just didn’t enjoy oral. I think they associated “dirty” with the literal meaning of the word. I also found these people to be less “aware” of their bodies. Like they had found a way to “muffle” the communication with their own body.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@bkcunningham I call mine Mr Happy in honor of Robin Williams.

Unbroken's avatar

Really? The name thing? Lol. I have never had sex with anyone who has a name for their parts male or female.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@rosehips Sure. I don’t take myself so seriously. We’re here on this planet to have a good time. What could be better than making Mr Happy happy?

bookish1's avatar

Innaresting question, but I think some stuff needs to be unpacked here. I think the question of whether you can be a good lover even though you do not enjoy your own genitals, is different from the question of how you will regard someone else who enjoys your genitals. Also, viewing one’s genitals as “dirty” is a different matter from having dysphoria and feeling that they are profoundly wrong.

I’ve received compliments as a devoted and creative lover since making my sexual début, but I did not really enjoy what I had until quite recently. I went from being a very skilled and giving top, to being a very skilled and giving bottom, because now I can have sex with people who view me properly, and in ways that feel right as well. Testosterone does some wonderful things if you’re one of the folks who wants to be on it.

Unbroken's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Questioning what you call your partners folds. Stretch? Home? Pie? Trails? Maseuse? Does it depend on the night?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

She’s not as uninhibited as I am, but if I named it, it would be hummie.

livelaughlove21's avatar

I don’t think I’ve ever met a man that thought his penis was anything less than God’s gift to women. My husband certainly likes his quite a bit.

I think all genitals are hideous, unless I’m turned on, and then penises are hot as hell. Cooters are still pretty ugly though. I certainly wouldn’t put my tongue on one.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@livelaughlove21 Relax, it’s just our bodies and some guys love cooters. ROTFL.

Luiveton's avatar

If I had one I’d call it Poseidon. God of the cum ‘sea’ and the ‘earth shaker’. That would be nice. Too bad I’m female. I call my hamburger Javier because I find Javier Bardem attractive. Also, sometimes I call it Darcy…Is that weird? Am I weird? Did I just refer to my vagina as a hamburger?!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Now I’m wanting a hamburger and a cooter. You’re wrecking my diet.

Luiveton's avatar

DO YOU WANT A HAMBURGER I HAVE A HAMBURGER!!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Luiveton What kind of condiments can I have with it?

Luiveton's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Well there’s that ranch sauce? You know it? That white organic one..? Of course there’s a possibility of ketchup but no one really wants that..

Luiveton's avatar

I’m hilarious.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Oh god, you killed me with that. I prefer the white organic one. That was so good.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Luiveton We’re both dangerous tonight. Should we be careful or go for it?

bookish1's avatar

@livelaughlove21 : You use the word ‘cooter’ one more time, and I think it will ensure that I remain gay for life :-p

glacial's avatar

@bookish1 I may follow suit.

Luiveton's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Totally go for it. White organic sauce it is. We’ll just avoid the ketchup because owch.

Unbroken's avatar

Agree with glacial and bookish. Where cooter came from I do not know. But it does not refer to any anatomy on my body.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Why is this question causing me do drool. And I want to stick my tongue in a cooter so much right now.

Unbroken's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe then it really would be the birds and the bees.

You might then have to rename yourself hummingbird or birdie. And I think that is a sweet as necter name. : )

@livelaughlove21 I am not going for you. Just assigning you to the traitor’s cliff. : )

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Luiveton Now I’m cured of cooter fever.
@rosehips My nectar just soured. :(

Luiveton's avatar

Are you sure that cured you? Nothing else? :))) sly smile

bookish1's avatar

I guess the gross counterpart of the c word would have to be Dong. But even that’s not quite as gross.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Luiveton Nah, I have terminal cooter fever.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@bookish1 Would you prefer poon? Pussy? Vag? Cunt? Snatch? Beaver? Bush?

Or if you want to be boring, vagina? Nothing sexy about the word vagina either.

Don’t like dong? How about dick? Cock? Wang? Schlong? Tallywacker? Peter? Pecker?

Meh, they’re just words to me.

Luiveton's avatar

Oh my dear lord I am repulsive
@Adirondackwannabe ha ha for you, no wait the first picture should be for you

WHY DO I EVEN EXIST

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Luiveton In a bizzare way the first one turns me on.

bookish1's avatar

@livelaughlove21 : Wow, thanks for the laugh…We could start a whole new Q on here adding to your list. Also, I don’t prefer poon, and love dick. Thanks for asking.

nofurbelowsbatgirl's avatar

When I look at myself in the mirror I do not think I have a pretty pussy. But when my husband used to tell me how much he loved this and that about my pretty petunia lol, my bud grew and it got my juices flowing :)
So the answer to the question is a big fat YES.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Ladies, have you seen how us guys dress? Don’t over think this. Just relax. We love women and everything about them.

blueiiznh's avatar

WHAT????? Who the heck would teach their child that?.
Nevertheless, I think that human nature an hormones take over and wipe anything like that right out of their head for the beauty of it all.
Does that mean that Podiatrists are what they are because they love how feet look?
PFHT!!!!

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

People who are socialized to consider their sexual parts to be filthy and disgusting are likely to have a hard time (definitely no pun intended) with sexual intimacy. Fortunately, it is not that difficult to help someone understand that the unhealthy messages they received as a child are reflect the issues of those who taught them such rubbish. Sexual organs are neither filthy nor disgusting so long as the basics of personal hygiene as practised. You may never learn to admire your parts but you can learn that your sexual partners don’t normally feel that way. Relax and learn to explore each other with a patient partner and things normally work out (or in) just fine. At that point, you are prepared to become a pleasing lover.

SABOTEUR's avatar

Cooter? Sounds like something Jed Clampett would hunt.

Blondesjon's avatar

i’m usually pretty content once i get up past the part that @Adirondackwannabe was using

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Blondesjon I was just curious.

amujinx's avatar

This might be pertinent to the conversation. In a humorous way of course.

ETpro's avatar

Thanks to all that answered. Tonight I’m celebrating my birthday that occurred this past Wednesday when I couldn’t party properly. I’m getting progressively higher, and it’s only just begun. So if these responses descend into gibberish at some point I’ll just break off and perhaps go appreciate what a fine cock I’ve got for a 69 year old guy, and how if I can find a comfortable position for it,

And @Adirondackwannabe, I just love 69. As an opportunistic feeder, I am totally OK with a salami or a taco to munch on, and I dearly love coaxing out the secret sauce that comes from either one. Isn’t it nice that, as the corrupted saying goes, “Buggerers can be choosers… They just don’t have to be”? Male, female and anything in between. Whatever the gender, if they welcome the invasion, all are equally buggerable.

Funny, I was reared (No really, that’s proper instead of raised (You raise corn, but you rear cornholers.) by rather puritanical parents who tried to convince me that sex and the equipment used to have it is dirty, disgusting, filthy, embarrassing. For some reason, none of that took. I listened to my parents. I wasn’t a rebellious child. But on this one issue, even as a tiny tyke, I knew my internal wiring wouldn’t work in the sexually uptight world they were trying to sell me.

So when I asked this question, it was inspired not only by @bookish1‘s thoughts in the previous TGIF question, but the sort of visceral revulsion to a body part that I have encountered in some of my past amorous adventures.

Unbroken's avatar

Happy birthday! May you reach new heights!

ETpro's avatar

@bkcunningham Yep, I think you’ll find that the statement is factual. I’m delighted for you having made it thus far without having to deal with the negativity that individuals who fall victim to such parenting can inflict on their mate.

@rosehips Exactly what I’m talking about. Thanks.

@Adirondackwannabe Funny, I’ve never gotten into the the naming thing. There are already enough name-like euphemisms for the thing. Willie, Jimmy, Johnson, Dick, Peter, Harry Johnson… And for the Orientals, Dong and Wang.

@bookish1 I’m sure that you’re right that those who feel they have the wrong equipment between their legs have a very different reaction to their genitals than those who’ve been reared to believe their genitals are filthy even when fresh from a scented bubble-bath.

augustlan's avatar

I think we’re approaching this question in the wrong (but hilarious) way. None of the guys I’ve ever known were repulsed by their own appendage, just by the thought of any other guy’s goods. Many women feel the same way about female genitalia. I don’t really know what’s up with that, but there you have it. So the question, in my mind, should really be: Why are we prone to being grossed out by the genitals of our own gender (unless it is our own personal genitals)? Is it a biological thing to promote procreation?

Unbroken's avatar

Thanks for the story @ETpro I was also from a similar background so I can commiserate. Though I was dreaming about going to hell at night by day it felt very right.

Very good spin on the question @augustlan.

My take is no it is no it is not biological complusion. Because homosexuality occurs not only within our species but amongst other mammalia.

My guess is some sort of human morality moreys type of issue. But that is just a tentative half assed guess.

Or a fear of themselves being labeled homosexuals. There are certain people who are very pro homosexuality. Just never want to be considered or taken for a homosexual. No doubt that has something to do with them being repressed and their fight for human rights. Maybe this will change as we as a society become more accepting and enlightened about things that are different.

ETpro's avatar

@rosehips I am certain that the fear of labeling and the social stigmatization that comes with it plays a major role in attitudes. I think it will be a better world when we turn our attention to stamping out things that actually are evil and not jousting with windmills.

Unbroken's avatar

@ETpro I love that despite age and experience you are still an idealist.

I hope to ever so remain one as well.

nofurbelowsbatgirl's avatar

@augustlan “Is it a biological thing to promote procreation?”

Honestly, I think we are just born to procreate regardless of sexuality, so the very fact that we even have genitals and many of us just know what to do without step by step picture booklets tells us that it must be about procreation and satisfaction. If we talk about various species all seem to only be intent on procreating.

Pacific salmon lay eggs and die, gastric brooding frogs,

Now lets talk about bonobos for a minute. They are the most peaceful and apparently instead of fighting they solve everything with sex! Ironically chimpanzees and bonobos both evolved from the same ancestor that gave rise to humans…so what is the moral of the story?

Make love not war! It’s in our DNA. :D

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