What was the biggest adjustment for you when moving in with your partner?

I haven’t lived with anyone except a cat for many years, but the last time I did, my biggest adjustment was trying to be a stand-in dad to a small child (a failure). My second biggest adjustment was finding private bathroom space (also a failure).

I brought kids to the relationship. The hardest thing was resetting the boundaries with them. My husband is a much more private person than me and he couldn’t handle kids bursting into our room.
Before we got married all the stuff (there wasn’t much of it) was just “ours.” The. Kids had to adjust to the concept of respecting his stuff (if that makes sense. )
As far as he and I are concerned, I’m a messy and he’s a neat freak. I had to clean up my act and he had to relax. I think we were good for each other that way.

Personal time now somehow an affront to my better half.

I am in a sort of room mate situation now after living alone on property for the past decade.
It has been 5 months and I am adjusting, however….I do not like knowing someone else, ( who is not a close friend or lover ) can hear everything I do. Flush the toilet, shower, go in and out of the house. The person I am living with is okay, most of the time, but she is rather nosey at times.

I also do not like having to announce my comings and goings, feeling like I have to come in and say ” Hi ” or ” I’m leaving now, see you later.”
A huge adjustment and often a very irritating one after living alone for years.
It certainly will lend itself to extreme joy when I get my own place again. lol

When I moved in with my husband for the first time, he had roommates. It was another couple, friends of ours, but it ended up being a disaster. It didn’t end well and, though we all made up, we aren’t nearly as close with them as we once were. I can’t handle roommates.

Once they were gone, everything was good. If there was anything regarding my husband (fiancé at the time) that I had to adjust to, I must’ve adjusted during the drama with the other couple without noticing.

Living with him is fairly easy, especially if you don’t mind coke cans with dip spit scattered through the house or socks laying on the living room sofa. Boys are gross.

I had to adjust to not having much alone time.

I am not living with a partner, but I live with several people. I have never lived by myself, so it’s really hard to say what adjustments I have made. I have always been used to the standards of living with other people. The thing that drives me the most nuts is the noise, especially when I am trying to sleep.

Nothing really, except the fact that I can’t force him to see thing’s my way when we disagree, we have to find a mutually satisfactory solution to every problem.

Adjusting to a woman’s routine and the amount of time they take with certain tasks. Plus putting the seat down.

Loss of privacy, which was worst when it came to bathroom routines and so on. Also a big adjustment: shared finances.

I moved in with my partner pretty much straight out of my parents’ home so by far the biggest adjustment for me was handling my own finances.

I miss my alone time…

For all of you mourning your alone time – does your SO not have hobbies? Do you? Do you have the exact same work schedules?

My husband gets his alone time when I have late classes and I get mine when he goes fishing every week. Living together doesn’t necessarily mean being attached at the hip.

I’ve never lived alone (I moved from my parents’ home to my husband’s), so maybe I’m used to not being alone a lot. However, I do like being alone at times and I’ll make it happen if I want. Going to a separate room to read or break out the iPod seems perfectly easy and acceptable.

Now, having kids is a different story. Which is why I don’t have any.

When my ex and I got married, our biggest knock down drag-out fight was over whose answering machine was going to be used. (This was in the pre voicemail days).

Her constantly drinking beer after beer after beer.

i adjusted

When to turn the lights out at night to go to bed. In 37 years, we never solved that conflict.

Trying to fall asleep with a snorer in the room. I’m a light sleeper and I do not snore. my husband is a heavy sleeper with sleep apnea and asthma.

In our dream home, we have separate bedrooms.

@Seek_Kolinahr Has he seen a doctor about the sleep apnea? It can be serious.

Each person has different standards and techniques regarding cleaning, I’ve had to learn not to supervise and correct or nag about those differences. We divvied up chores before moving in… I hate dishes and he cooks, so the kitchen is his domain. He was paying for laundry service before we moved in, and wears jeans to work, I have to dress more professionally and have more delicate clothing, so I do the laundry. Everything else we share as we go along.

The same goes for finances… it is best to discuss your approach before moving in. There have been other threads discussing couples and money (as well as other threads on moving in together, so you may want to search the archives). In my past relationships, One had a yours, mine, and ours approach and we each put in a percentage of our pay into the shared account. In another, we kept it separate, but I paid for almost everything. Now we’re both in 100%, we both keep an eye on things. I’d like us to be more frugal and he’s very laid-back; but I don’t nag about it.

My adult son lives with us, so that was an adjustment to a man who had been a bachelor for decades. However, we set him up in the master bedroom, so he has a lot of space and his own bathroom – almost a studio apartment, since he got a mini-fridge. But he’s very respectful, and he comes and goes as he pleases. When he had his girlfriend for a couple years, she also had a key and came and went and was respectful. We usually include him when we eat at home, and often invite him when we’re going out to a casual place.

As for alone time, we are both introverts, so much of our alone time is spent right alongside each other. Our jobs are also >100 miles apart, and we tried to find a home that was halfway, and our long commutes are also alone time. My commute was my alone time when I was cohabiting with extroverts and my child was young, too.

Being respectful of the differences and not taking things personally is the key. Talk about what issues are most important to each of you and agree on what compromises each will make. If either of you have very strong opinions or there are marked differences of opinions and if you are willing to be pragmatic about it, you could even write up an agreement that can be referred back to if needed.

It has been a while but the biggest adjustment I recall is having to account for you whereabouts when you finally got home.

I had 3 cats at my previous address, I missed them and that was hard. Other than that, not much. He is easy to live with. Very clean and tidy.

Thought of something. Eating times. He likes to eat tea at about 8pm. I have always had it at around 6pm. That was a big change for me in the beginning, obviously used to it now.

@Headhurts My husband’s family used to eat late, too. He’s the one that had to get used to 6:00 dinners, though, because I’m not doing dishes at 9PM.

@livelaughlove21 That’s why I’m pleased we’ve got a dishwasher!

@Headhurts So do we, but pots and pans with protective coating don’t go in there. I despise washing pots and pans.