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Kilmarto's avatar

How does one mend a broken heart?

Asked by Kilmarto (97 points ) September 11th, 2013 from iPhone

I have recently broken up with my partner. I can honestly say, I knew she was the one and that I have never been in love with anybody before but her. To make this heartbreak even more devastating is the knowledge that my actions caused the break up. These actions were not intentional or with insight or malice. I have been through horrendous times in my life and I have gotten through them almost entirely on my own. I know I can get through this also but the heartbreak and remorse I feel is unlike anything I have ever experienced. It literally makes it gard to breathe. They say time is a healer but it’s the present that hurts so badly. I didn’t want this, I wanted a happy future with her. She was the smile I wore and now they are both gone.

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20 Answers

DWW25921's avatar

I find that the best way to get through bad times is by helping others through the same thing. It’s kind of strange but it’s true. I suppose it’s similar to the difference between being a victim and a survivor, as far as mentality goes anyway. Your survival is important and letting this eat away at you will only hurt you more. Sometimes there is nothing that lifts the spirit more than being an encouragement to others, and allowing yourself to focus on you for a while. I hope that helps!

Kilmarto's avatar

Thank you for your kind words and response. I am a nurse and by nature I care for people around me. You are right, it does lift the soul. In life, I have never viewed myself as a victim and my dogged determination is one if my strengths. I know logically I will get through this. Thank you.

DWW25921's avatar

@Kilmarto You are very welcome! :)

Eggie's avatar

First of all you have to realize that no matter what you are human and you would make mistakes. So you must first forgive yourself and make sure that you understand the mistake that you have made so that it does not happen again.Secondly I know that you think that she was the one, but dude it always feels like this. You were good enough to get a princess like your partner, so its clear that me that you are more than capable of getting a queen. You will find another and most likely the one you find will be much better than the one you had before. I have been where you are now and I know how it is. I always think back at the situation and imagine if I had done things differently that I would still be with the person, but the reality is that she has moved on, and what is done is done. I must move on as well, and I understand that sometimes we meet people just to train ourselves for the person that we were destined to be with. Forgive, forget and love again. Wish you all the best man!

elbanditoroso's avatar

Shit happens. The details don’t matter, really.

I have two pieces of advice.

1) Learn from it

2) Don’t dwell on it. Think of something else. Time heals all wounds. And by the way, time wounds all heels, as well.

janbb's avatar

I’ve recently come out of a long term marriage. The pain has been unbearable at times. I don’t think “time heals all wounds” but it does lessen them. You grow scar tissue. A wise friend advised me to focus on “new people, places and things” rather than doing the old things or seeing people that trigger memories. Do you have meetup.com near where you are? It is a web site in which you can search for clubs and interest groups to go to. I joined a singles’ walking group which gave me a whole new focus. It has helped immeasurably. For me, keeping active and talking to close friends has been crucial to my recovery.

Also, if she is the love of your life, are you sure the break-up is final? Maybe you can still repair things.

KaY_Jelly's avatar

I have been through heart break before and I can say I most sincerely thought that the person was the one. I think I felt like you say you feel, but I can’t really judge. Anyway I was told all kinds of things, “time heals,” “you have to put your past behind you” or “your behind in the past”, “let it go.”

Anyway I finally realized when I eventually did move on that someone could love me better and I could love them better and that there was a better suited person for me.

The question I have to wonder is if you both are a such a good match because it seems like then your partner should not of left you because you would work through things together I would think, or you would know not to do those things to your partner which caused them to leave. But that is just my opinion.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Maybe you admit your faults and beg for a second chance. I once went back twice before giving up on my love.

spiritual's avatar

@kilmarto I have NOT broken up with you. I will always love you.
Thanks for your comments. What some of you said is right, I want to repair things. It just will take a little time.
I do not particularly want to air out my relationship in a public forum, but maybe you will realise that I mean what I say @kilmarto and we can get through this….

Eggie's avatar

Wow @spiritual….thats so cool girl!

Kilmarto's avatar

@spiritual
You are amazing and Ilove you more than ever.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

You don’t, it slowly mends itself over time and if you are willing to see that you are not alone in anything that goes wrong. Get up move on and do what you have obviously done so well: survived. The open wound WILL close, just let it go gently and time will do the rest.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Kilmarto @spiritual Are we in a real live romance here? That is pretty cool.

GrellAKAFruitQueen's avatar

Time heals all wounds,I think.

Valerie111's avatar

It will hurt less, little by little, over time. When I went through break ups, I kept my myself busy, surrounded myself with family and friends, started dating again. I know you might not feel like dating so soon after, but the companionship might help. Also, right a list of cons about her and the relationship. Read it and add more when you think of her.

Smitha's avatar

This happens to most of us in life. Just try to make yourself busy so you can forget about her. You will definitely find another girl. Try to concentrate on the things that do mean a lot to you in life, such as family and friends.Time is a big medicine, it will heel anything and everything. Forget the past and look forward to a happy future.

talljasperman's avatar

The five stages of grief from denial anger bargaining one I forgot then acceptance.

jlk2525's avatar

Time will help over time. Try and picture yourself happy in one years time. Focus on your goals and put the negative energy you feel into achieving those goals rather than hurting yourself. Time does not heal all wounds. There will always be a scar from them but time allows you not to die from that wound. You keep surviving. Remorse is probably one of the worst feelings. If you are struggling you might want to find someone you trust to process that feeling so that it doesn’t overcome you.

jlk2525's avatar

P.s: No dating again until YOU are ready. If you date when you aren’t ready you aren’t just hurting yourself but the people you get involved with. Not fair on anyone.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

The stages of grief apply to heartache.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model

You have a journey ahead of you.

Go.

“These actions were not intentional or with insight or malice.” So you were being your true self.

She wasn’t The One.

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