Social Question

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Should women who don't care if they are fat be ”fat shamed” by anyone?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (21100 points ) October 15th, 2013

(disclaimer) This question may offend some maybe many, it deals with physical appearance and apparent beauty, those who do not care for such questions you have the opportunity to click away now…

Reading on the Internet I came across this article and I wonder how can women who know they are fat, and do not do anything considerable to reduce their mass be offended or become indignant because someone points out they are fat without actually calling them fat. If someone is fat and comfortable with themselves why not ignore the comments and go about doing what they do? Maybe they know they are fat but don’t want to be reminded of it so they can be in denial?

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108 Answers

glacial's avatar

Gee, @Hypocrisy_Central, I wonder why this is specifically a question about women? Wouldn’t you be interested in the same answers about men?

Dutchess_III's avatar

They may say they don’t care that they’re fat, but it isn’t true. The fat shaming throws it in their face.

@glacial The fat men I’ve known honestly don’t seem to care. But they aren’t under the same social expectations that women are under, either.

Symbeline's avatar

Maybe a woman who is fat, knows it and doesn’t care can still be hurt by someone pointing it out, especially if they’re only intent is being an asshole.
Or, if a woman is really obese, she obviously knows it, and does not need to be reminded of it. I have buck redneck teeth and I know it, and I don’t really care, but I do get frustrated when people tell me about it. I mean, they’re my teeth, had em all my life, you think I don’t know what they’re like?

livelaughlove21's avatar

Same reason telling a person you find unattractive that they’re “ugly.” It’s rude, whether it’s true or not. The word “fat” used in the place of “overweight” has a very negative connotation to it. Didn’t your mother ever teach you that if you don’t have anything nice to say, then you shouldn’t say anything at all?

Women are statistically more concerned about their appearance (especially weight) than men. When you tell someone they’re fat, you know it’ll make them uncomfortable, embarrassed, or upset. So, what does it say about you that you’d go ahead and say it anyway? And if they know they’re overweight, what’s the point in telling them?

oneSasyRN's avatar

Ditto….I have been on both sides…heavy and thin. It is not easy to lose weight and I am not the one to judge anyone. Do they point out someone has acne, bad teeth, are ugly or bald? I think they should keep their mouth shut. That person does not need a reminder as they may already be struggling with self esteem. If they say they are happy with huffing and puffing and stretch pants I may beg to differ, but it’s not my place.

Katniss's avatar

What is your obsession with overweight women? lol
Does it really bother you that much? Or are you secretly turned on by it?
What gives?

JLeslie's avatar

It’s rude. I don’t think we should go around telling fat people they are fat or try to shame them.

However, I also am really against telling fat women big is beautiful; that whole push out there, especially 15 years ago, to constantly tell women they are ok just the way they are. I am pretty annoyed when people say you can be fat and healthy. When I say fat, I am thinking you mean considerably overweight, on an average woman maybe an extra 40+ pounds. I’m annoyed because too many women have no real gauge on how fat is fat and what it does to their health. If their whole community is overweight they just think their weight is normal.

Women have enough self esteem issues, I don’t want to add to that problem. We can tell a woman she is beautiful without adding the big. We also can give accurate medical information without criticizing how someone looks. I am not fat and I still feel bad when I eat something fattening, because I have a silent killer in me, high cholesterol, and heart disease in my family. I rather focus on health than outward appearance.

People who are very fat know they are fat and they most likely are already embarrassed. No need to add to that.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@glacial Gee, @Hypocrisy_Central, I wonder why this is specifically a question about women? Wouldn’t you be interested in the same answers about men?
If you linked onto the article who were they speaking of, a man or a woman? You have your answer, don’t you?

@Symbeline Maybe a woman who is fat, knows it and doesn’t care can still be hurt by someone pointing it out, especially if they’re only intent is being an asshole.
You believe the woman who posted the page on Facebook with her young sons to have acted like an asshole, if so what makes you believe it?

@livelaughlove21 Didn’t your mother ever teach you that if you don’t have anything nice to say, then you shouldn’t say anything at all?
That would leave us with a society that never spoke and was clueless on how bad something was, be it grades, the way one tennis game is played, or how dirty ones clothes were, etc.

@oneSasyRN If they say they are happy with huffing and puffing and stretch pants I may beg to differ, but it’s not my place.
Maybe they like huffing and puffing over sweat and weights because it is easier to do.

@Katniss What is your obsession with overweight women? Lol
Does it really bother you that much? Or are you secretly turned on by it?
What gives?
Lets tackle the 1st part; I have no obsession, you should ask all those so-called haters who posted derogatory remarks because of that mother’s Facebook page; I think they have the obsession. It was just as easy for them to ignore it.

Second point; doesn’t bother me, I am not the one who has to see them naked, much less touch them.

Secretly turned on by them (the overweight women)? Hold on, I have to vomit 1st (but please take no inference to my up chuck as being caused by them~). I could be more turned on by a rusted radiator.

The last point; what gives is it seems a bunch of people are in denial or knee deep in jealousy because no one will look at them the way they look at that new mom. Maybe they resent that she can have three small kids, still beat down women one third her age (at least) and still be called hot, when they had one kid in their early 20s and look all tore up or big enough to redacted. If you are going to say people can be ”fat and fit”, or that extra curves are more sexy then own it, if some one wanted to call me a Martian and I know I am not, or if I was I did not care, no comment would get under my skin. If such comments DID get under my skin then I am lying to myself and should do something about it if I could.

(FYI I was fat once, I did not like the way I looked or that I could not look down and see my toes, so I did something about it; and not complain about all the people thinner than I was.)

Coloma's avatar

Nobody needs to have their obvious flaws pointed out to them. I agree, to comment would be rude.
I lost about 40 lbs. some years ago after I had my daughter. My ex sister-in-law actually said to me once ” Sooo, do you plan on being overweight forever?”

WTF!

Heh, well, she got her karma, I dropped all the weight and looked amazing about 9 months later and she had gained about 25–30 lbs. I just strutted around in my cute little short dress and smiled smugly to myself! lol
People gain weight for a lot of reasons it is just more obvious that fat people wear their weaknesses on their body. What about all the closet alcoholics, bulimics and assholes that look good but conceal some dark issues of their own?

Fat may not be healthy but respect for others is.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I don’t think it’s ever ok to hurt someone intentionally & who does that? Not cool. Shallow people suck.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Your views on women are absolutely repugnant.

“Secretly turned on by them (the overweight women)? Hold on, I have to vomit 1st (but please take no inference to my up chuck as being caused by them~).”

Ugh, grow up.

Symbeline's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central I wasn’t saying the woman in the article is an asshole. In my whole answer I wasn’t even thinking about her. What happened there was indirect, and I’m pretty sure her intent wasn’t to mock big people. I was going on your details rather, which suggest more of a direct and personal attack/comment than what was suggested in that article, and why it went viral.

Truth is, I hadn’t even looked at it until now. Sorry.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Yes HC lots of guys are chubby chasers actually. Would it hurt you if we judged your pic harshly?

drhat77's avatar

I’ve worked with residents who’ve made fun of fat patients. (I’ve done it to, but…)
I tell them “Good thing you’re weaknesses and deficiencies are hidden from cursory glance, so passing strangers can’t make fun of you as easily”.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@KNOWITALL Oh, I love that idea. How about it, @Hypocrisy_Central? Let’s see if you can take the heat with all of us pointing out your flaws.

Oh, what am I saying? You don’t have any!~

chyna's avatar

@drhat77 My boss, who is a doctor is 5’0 and 220 lbs. She makes fun of overweight people also. It always surprises me.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Chyna That’s how insecure people build themselves up, belittling others. I see it as a cry for help.

rojo's avatar

Got other things to worry about besides how fat someone is.

Response moderated (Personal Attack)
Response moderated
Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@KNOWITALL I don’t think it’s ever ok to hurt someone intentionally & who does that? Not cool.
In the article she stated what her intent was. Do you believe she was lying and was simply lauding over fat people who could not look as good as she does.

@livelaughlove21 @Hypocrisy_Central Your views on women are absolutely repugnant.
How are you sure I was not jesting? What I think is not always what I may say seeing you are redacted that it isn’t hard to find the redacted.

I have to run, so the rest I will deal with later. Chao…. ;-)

gailcalled's avatar

^^ Ciao. If you’re going to show off by using a phrase in another language, is it so hard to spell it right? I am really offended and may have to throw up.

Laud means to praise and not to lord it over.

How can you be so clueless about vocabulary?

The “redacted” line stopped being funny after you used it several hundred times.

I find rusted radiators very attractive.

Coloma's avatar

Chaos central perhaps.

Sunny2's avatar

I have a friend who is grossly obese. She is so overweight she can’t stand unassisted. She has diabetes and controls her sugar levels by adjusting her insulin levels. She is an extremely kind and thoughtful person. I thoroughly disagree with her decision to live this way, but it’s her life and her decision. I choose to accept her condition because she is who she is. I feel a little embarrassed for her, but I would never tell her that. When I was younger, I probably would have avoided her.

YARNLADY's avatar

I don’t believe in Fat Shaming for any reason what so ever.

Overweight people are at risk for their health, and should be treated by their doctor, but it is always out of place to talk about it, unless you are a very, very close friend or when asked for advice.

FutureMemory's avatar

Hypo should change his name to Lets_talk_about_fat_women.

funkdaddy's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central – I get why you’re asking the question, because it’s a thoughtful topic that you think is ignored out of decorum. You’re probably right, but you can see here why it doesn’t always go well.

I think other appearance based parallels aren’t the best way to understand maybe. Maybe other undesirable traits that we all don’t necessarily prioritize would be a better way to understand.

For the sake of argument, let’s draw a comparison to “poor shaming”. There are some parallels that hold up: there are disadvantages to being poor, it’s something you can do something about, it’s relative much like “fat”, (everyone seems to think they have weight to lose, and everyone seems to think they have more money to make), it can be a temporary situation, and it comes with other compromises that you may not think are worth it. It’s just not everyone’s priority to be as rich as possible, to some it is and it’s hard to understand why everyone doesn’t want to strive for what they view as ideal.

I don’t believe you would go out of your way to shame people who make less money and get by with less. You’d probably think that was an asshole way to go about things.

Some people don’t prioritize their physical appearance, or even their health. It’s not what they choose to do with their time and there are a ton of reasons that could be. I think everyone here could say at some point that was the case, just like everyone here has felt what’s it’s like to be a few bucks short.

Neither is cause for shaming.

I also don’t mind her picture and think she was truly trying to let people know they’re capable of more than they think while also showing she was proud of her own accomplishments. I’d attribute the response less as a response to “fat shaming” and more to the fact that internet outrage is easy and feels good.

livelaughlove21's avatar

I’m still waiting on that picture, @Hypocrisy_Central.

funkdaddy's avatar

There’s a fluther photo group, @Hypocrisy_Central either had a picture up there at one time, or used one as his avatar, what are you going to do with a photo?

Nimis's avatar

It’s not about fat shaming, her caption is obnoxious. If it were just the picture without the caption, I’d give her a high five.

I don’t think she was intentionally being malicious. Just an idiot and didn’t realize how the image and caption would read.

JLeslie's avatar

@funkdaddy People do criticize and shame poor people. Not nice either. Maybe worse.

@Nimis The caption “what’s your excuse?” Is that what you mean?

@drhat77 Exactly. Obese people live with their vice or downfall very visible to the world.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I just read that article. I Interesting how vicious many of the responses were.

KNOWITALL's avatar

A lot of people that ‘found’ physical fitness seem to feel superior in some way to the rest of the population, I think that’s what irritates me the most. Kinda like non-smokers picking on smokers to give it up, you’ll feel great. We get it, shut up and do you.

@Hypocrisy_Central I read your post that you used to be overweight, so hearing you talk so negatively about touching or looking at a fat women is really sad. It seems that you may be projecting your feelings about your ‘old’ self onto others who may or may not have health issues or other factors that aren’t visible. If you truly feel that disgusted, I suggest you talk to your therapist and get rid of that self-loathing.

JLeslie's avatar

@KNOWITALL Most converts are like that. More vocal and more committed and more sure that those who have not had the epiphany don’t know what they are missing.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@JLeslie I’ve known several, and they drive me nuts. Silly knowitalls…lol

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@gailcalled How can you be so clueless about vocabulary?
Elementary my dear Watson, you are always around to make the correction so I need not think about it; it makes you look good, which in turn lurva you up; and it distracts you from actually answering the question. –Hope that clears it up.

I would not redact anything but some people here have very, very thin skin, as shown how irate they get when comments of what other people said of fat people as if I said it myself….you can lurva up some more now… <wink wink>

@funkdaddy For the sake of argument, let’s draw a comparison to “poor shaming”. There are some parallels that hold up: there are disadvantages to being poor, it’s something you can do something about, it’s relative much like “fat”, (everyone seems to think they have weight to lose, and everyone seems to think they have more money to make), it can be a temporary situation, and it comes with other compromises that you may not think are worth it. It’s just not everyone’s priority to be as rich as possible, to some it is and it’s hard to understand why everyone doesn’t want to strive for what they view as ideal.
THANK YOU, at least you among a few actually took the time to form a thoughtful answer to the question I could follow. Most of what you said I agree. However, I am looking at it from the point if you were poor, (or at least poor by society’s standard) and you did not care, why would someone telling you that you are poor bother you? It is what you are comfortable with and the see it as positive for you. No one will try to steal your car, or glom (better check usage from @gailcalled correct usage or you might become a target for grammer shaming LOL) to you for your money not your personality, etc. You know you don’t have a Ferrari, a mansion with more bathrooms than you can visit in a day, a baby grand in the music room, etc, and you don’t care. IF you get upset because someone is saying you ought to get you a Bentley or you love to like in a cracker box house, then maybe you are not as happy being poor as you make yourself believe you are.

I also don’t mind her picture and think she was truly trying to let people know they’re capable of more than they think while also showing she was proud of her own accomplishments. I’d attribute the response less as a response to “fat shaming” and more to the fact that internet outrage is easy and feels good.
There it is there, I would say that is the ”gold stamp” answer so far. Because people were jealous that she can look that great after three kids (and young ones too) they have to try to tear her down because they can’t or won’t build themselves up; misery loves company.

@livelaughlove21 I’m still waiting on that picture, @Hypocrisy_Central.
And you may wait a bit longer. It is more of an effort to get a pic for you, and maybe others to try to use to define me than it is for anyone asking for a pic to type an answer as good as @funkdaddy. If I can wait to get good answers, a the wait for a pic is no biggie at all.

@KNOWITALL I read your post that you used to be overweight, so hearing you talk so negatively about touching or looking at a fat women is really sad. It seems that you may be projecting your feelings about your ‘old’ self onto others who may or may not have health issues or other factors that aren’t visible. If you truly feel that disgusted, I suggest you talk to your therapist and get rid of that self-loathing.
Would I have more right to speak against fat if I never was fat? No, people would say ”How can you say that when you were never there?” If I were fat or never was, it has no barring on ANYTGHING. That would not make fat people any more healthy, any more considered attractive, unattractive, and comfortable or anything. It has nothing to do with the venomous replies that woman got. Me being fat at one time had nothing to do with anyone else but with me for me. I did not have a like for fat on people before I found myself there; just when I DID find it on me, I was not going to accept it and just live with it, I got rid of it. I know who I am and if I am not comfortable with it physically I know what to do. The same way I did, and continue to do about things I don’t like mentally and spiritually. I need no therapist because I have the One who made the therapist.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Okayyyyyyyy, but you came to that decision when YOU were tired of it, not when everyone told you what a fat nasty beast you were right?

I’m not sure bringing God into this particular conversation is cool when you’re being so mean, but that’s just my opinion, just watch out for lightning to strike – lol

I’ve loved skinny guys and fat guys, physical perfection is not a factor in who I give my heart to. I’m sad for you if that is your criteria for love.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@KNOWITALL Okayyyyyyyy, but you came to that decision when YOU were tired of it, not when everyone told you what a fat nasty beast you were right?
NOW YOU ARE GETTING IT! What anyone said about me being fat HAD NO AFFECT, when I was comfortable stuffing my face with extra helpings what anyone said bounced off like tennis balls aside a Panzer tank. So, if any other person is comfortable being fat, then nothing anyone says, or text or photo posted will move them to anger, wrath, sadness, etc. IF anything posted or said about fat people AFFECT THEM in any _negative way; they might not be as cool with being fat as their mouth says; so they are lying to themselves or was in denial (just IMO).

I’m not sure bringing God into this particular conversation is cool when you’re being so mean, but that’s just my opinion, just watch out for lightning to strike – lol
You mentioned therapist and I was just making clear I need then not because I the Therapist of therapist. However, you have never seen me mean; if I was as mean as I was capable of being this lagoon would be boiling and Jellies would be LEAPING for shore (if any of it ever escaped the “peat-mod”). If I were ever allowed to bust out the mean stick there would be a 8 alarm blaze in this place. ;-D

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Or they could sink into a depression and gain weight. Or kill themselves when they feel worthless. That’s a very tricky psyschological experiment.

Oh, I get t all right. Call me fat to my face and see what happens lol

Coloma's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central

Somehow I don’t think any of us are shaking in our boots. lol

Katniss's avatar

@Coloma We should be shaking. We’re talking “8 alarm blaze” AND a “mean stick” up in here! lol

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Katniss Is that similar to a disco stick? lol

@Hypocrisy_Central Jesting old man. :) I’ll just shake my fat moneymaker at ya and you’ll run right?! hahahaha

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@KNOWITALL Oh, I get t all right. Call me fat to my face and see what happens lol
I would not call anyone fat to their face unless they asked me if they were fat; in which case I would tell them the truth as tactful as possible. If I were mean I might tell them that they could take up 3 time zones or crash a freight elevator, or something of that type if I was mean.

In this case, I did not get from the article she was insulting anyone that was fat, just showing them what they could do and that there is time in the day to do it. The same as if you seen someone who never changed their clothes even though they bathed; you would tell them that their clothes still smelled so it takes away from any bath or shower they done.

(edit) I know, my skin is not that thin :-D

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central A/k/a bragging on what she did for attention or praise? Well attaboy girlfriend, now shutty uppy lol Look at me, look what I can do…

Seriously though, I think presenting yourself as a role model is okay, but it does seem like talking down to people to a degree.

tedibear's avatar

It is talking down to people and it is fat shaming. Substitute the word “brunette” for the word fat and see how ridiculous it sounds. (Much like changing the word “black” for the word gay when talking about marriage rights.)

Being fat does not mean being unfit or physically unhealthy. There is nothing you can tell about a fat person’s health by looking at them and seeing that they are fat. You cannot tell what their blood sugar is, what their cholesterol levels are, what they eat or how much they exercise. The only thing you can know is that they are fat. I strongly suggest that anyone who doesn’t agree takes a look at this . Some of “research” that makes it into the mainstream is sponsored by pharmaceutical companies. Know what they do? They sell diet drugs. Gee, no conflict of interest there. Yet that’s the crap that people swallow hook, line and sinker. Very few people take the time to look at the research that was done to see if it meets any kind of legitimate criteria. And yes, doctors and other health care professionals swallow it too.

On a personal note, when I weighed 132, at 5’ 1” I was still considered “overweight” by the bogus BMI charts. (Which originally were not intended to be a measure of health.) I’m now back up to 175 lbs. and guess what? NONE of my blood work measurements have changed a bit. Not from the time I weighed 203, not when I weighed 132, and not now. Every single one of these measures shows me as healthy. My husband, who is not considered overweight, has horrible cholesterol and is borderline Type 2 diabetic.

When can the discussion start being about fitness instead of fat or attractiveness? I want to ask the woman with the “what’s your excuse” post, “Why do I have to have an excuse for you? How about you start to understand that fat does not equal not-fit or not healthy.”

PS: I used to be part of the eat less, exercise more camp until I learned that the hard part is maintaining that loss. 95% of people regain the weight within five years.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Tedibear My doc says health is not all about being 120 it’s about not smoking, eating well, keeping stress down, etc..

tedibear's avatar

@KNOWITALL – Then you have a rare doctor. Keep him/her around!

Coloma's avatar

@Katniss & @KNOWITALL Well..what say we just BBQ some ribs over that 8 alarm blaze.
I’ll bring the beer. lol

Symbeline's avatar

did someone say beer

Katniss's avatar

@Coloma Hellz yeah!! I’m totally there. lol

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Coloma Make it wine and I’m in – lol

tedibear's avatar

“If someone is fat and comfortable with themselves why not ignore the comments and go about doing what they do?”

If someone was criticizing/shaming a person for being gay, physically disabled, etc., someone else needs to speak up. (Or the person being criticized should speak up for themselves.) So if someone is fat, why should they ignore any comments that are shaming in nature? Just because someone isn’t ashamed of their weight doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t speak up when shaming talk happens, no matter to whom the comments are directed. Shaming is far less effective as a means of helping someone than simply being supportive of any healthy choices they might choose to make.

I think it’s time for anyone who participates in shaming someone else needs to learn to mind their own business.

Coloma's avatar

^^^ I agree. It has been said that overweight is the last form of acceptable discrimination. Personally my take is that we all learned, or should have, the basics in kindergarten. Everyone is different, some are tall some are short some are fat some are thin, if you don’t have something nice to say to someone keep your big FAT mouth shut! :-)

JLeslie's avatar

@Coloma I think a lot of people see it as something we can control. Skin color and disabilities we can’t control. Although, it might be more complicated than that. There was a study a long time ago where very young children were shown pictures of different children and they would say whether they would want to be friends with them. I think that ranked the photos, because what I remember was the fat photo was at the bottom. Young kids would rather be friends with a child in a wheel chair than a fat child according to the study. They also evaluated race and some other things, I don’t remember all the results, I only remembered the conclusion was heavy children run a great risk of being discriminated against. I don’t know if they felt it was learned or some sort of natural inclination. The one very positive from the study was they were surprised to see how excepting children seemed to be with disabilities. I don’t know how well done the study was or how many children participated, so Indon’t know how valid we can consider the study.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Coloma Somehow I don’t think any of us are shaking in our boots. Lol
Well……….I never said anyone would be scared; being scared and being pissed are two different things. If I can piss people off by being real with them, not intending to piss them off, if I intended to release the kraken do you think people would not get pissed or more pissed? ;-)

@tedibear If someone was criticizing/shaming a person for being gay, physically disabled, etc., someone else needs to speak up. (Or the person being criticized should speak up for themselves.) So if someone is fat, why should they ignore any comments that are shaming in nature?
If one feels shame then how can they be proud of being fat? If a person at a party says they graduated magna cum laude from UCLA Medical, or Berkley Law School, etc, should the person who know they have no degree, did not want a degree, are happy that they went to truck driving school and is happy working as a long haul trucker be upset because the person with the degree stated a true fact? If the trucker blast back at the college guy about trying to be a know-it-all, or educational snob when the college person did not say ”because you don’t have a degree is that you are too stupid to get one” might show a bit of jealousy on part of the trucker because he knows he is not as smart as the college man but wishes he were. If a woman who can have three small kids and still be in shape to visually best many women way younger and she states anyone can do it if they are committed, if the fat person takes it that she did something super human that only she can do but they could not do so in a million years…..I don’t know what to say… well, I do, but it would get modded.

tedibear's avatar

If one feels shame then how can they be proud of being fat? I didn’t say that someone necessarily feels shame. I said that if some doofus (okay, okay, I didn’t use the word doofus, but that’s what I meant.) decides that it’s okay for them to use shaming talk toward anyone that they should learn to mind their own business. My point is that the person using shaming words needs to learn to shut the f**k up because that person’s weight is not their business. If someone comes to the person who is in shape and asks for guidance, now they have been told to it’s okay to step in. Until then, it’s not their business.

If the highly educated person is using language intended to shame the trucker (by making him/her feel stupid or “less than”) then yes, he/she has a right to be upset. If the magna cum laude degree comes up as a part of general discussion, then no, there’s not anything that I can think of to be upset about. (Although I don’t know if anyone would mention the magna cum laude part unless they were trying to brag or to make a point about how hard they worked.) IMHO, it comes down to tone and intent. What the woman said in her post (no matter how many ways she tried to justify it) was “Look at how amazing I am to do all this, why can’t you?” All she left out was “Nyah nyah nyah! You’re a loser.” For her information, no, not everyone can do that, nor should they have to. She needs to shut up and stop trying to prod people with shame to do what she thinks that they should.

Coloma's avatar

@JLeslie Interesting, sort of like the experiments where infants seem to respond to more attractive faces. I think kids can be very compassionate and understanding, it’s the group influence that gets in the way.

@Hypocrisy_Central Bottom line. We ALL have some shortcoming, vice, addiction, obsession or habit. Maybe we trump it, maybe we don’t.
Ya know, really, unless you are a fairly awakened human, ones strongest reactions to any thing are usually projections of their own fears.

JLeslie's avatar

@Coloma I think children naturally respond to beauty and youth. I think most kids like having a pretty teacher. At least at first glance. Kind of like walking into a bar the attractive women might catch your eye. But, that really has nothing to do with falling in love with someone because you get to know them and looks don’t matter much. What I mean to say is, the children like the idea of having the pretty teacher, or have a reaction at first glance to a child who is heavy, or looks different in some way, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be just as friendly with them once they get to know the child.

Honestly, when I was very little I don’t think I thought about any of it. I used to play with a boy who had down’s syndrome. One day my mom said something about him being mongoloid, which was the term back then. I asked what that meant. She told me some characteristics Including that his face looked different. I never really noticed his different facial features until she told me. I did notice his speech was different, but I didn’t care. I loved playing at his apartment. Race I never thought twice about, although I noticed it. Race was completely a non issue, irrelavant, until maybe my college years. Still not an issue there, but it was the first time I noticed some differences.

Headhurts's avatar

I was fat from the age of probably 13 to 17. I was deeply ashamed, I still am. I looked disgusting and I felt disgusting, but I would still sneak all the crap food into my mouth. It has made me knowledgeable about food and exercise, and I will NEVER allow myself to to get like that again.

funkdaddy's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central – I’ve been trying to think of a way to convey what feels off about expecting people who have accepted something about themselves not to react when others point it out. The best I’ve come up with is that you’re expecting a logical response to an emotional/instinctive. That doesn’t feel quite right and people have an instinctive negative reaction. It’s natural for folks to want to belong to something (even those who occasionally like to stir the pot, amiright?) and pointing out something like weight in a rude way suddenly exposes that maybe the world hasn’t accepted that person for who they are as much as they wanted to believe. It’s like a tiny betrayal. That’s not exactly it, but close.

Again, I don’t think the picture that kicked this all off qualifies, but I think your overall point that people should let it slide off their back is maybe missing that first gut reaction.

@Nimis – I think the caption doesn’t bother me just because “no excuses” is used just about everywhere in sports and fitness. I think Nike is one of the most savvy marketing companies out there, and they play on it a lot. I don’t think they’d do that if a good portion of their target found it insulting. Here’s two quick examples…

(Youtube links)
No exuses
Michael Jordan – maybe it’s my fault

Same theme, meant to get you thinking about yourself and motivated, but not taken as “shaming” here.

Coloma's avatar

Well..bottom line, you can lose weight but it is almost impossible to lose an asshole attitude.
Fat cells shrink dickhead egos rarely. lol

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@tedibear What the woman said in her post (no matter how many ways she tried to justify it) was “Look at how amazing I am to do all this, why can’t you?” All she left out was “Nyah nyah nyah! You’re a loser.” For her information, no, not everyone can do that, nor should they have to. She needs to shut up and stop trying to prod people with shame to do what she thinks that they should.
It again comes back to interpretation, that interpretation being decided by the hearer. If a person like a trucker, longshoreman, bus driver, janitor etc. like what they are doing, and chose their profession it would matter little if some college guys (or woman) flosses their degree, or even indicates that it is better being able to buy way more stuff. If you are happy with your education level or your income you would not care; he might as well be indicating that you are a Martian; you simply would not care. When someone brings up that their high school took all state three years in a row and that they got honors being a top athlete that made it happen they are telling others ”Your school sucked and you were no better because you did not, or could not play [ blank ] sport and get award like I did”. Unless that was actually said, why the person mentioned it and how is all conjecture.

@Coloma Ya know, really, unless you are a fairly awakened human, ones strongest reactions to any thing are usually projections of their own fears.
There was this woman who no one wanted around the neighborhood. She assumed it was because she was Black (she was also a lesbian but she never thought of throwing the lez card around like the race card), the real reason no one wanted her around was because she was a thief, not because she was Black or gay. A friend was talking to another man living here and he said “How can she call me a racist? If I were I would not be hanging around Rafael”, the other guy supposedly said I was not like other Blacks, that I did not know how to “act Black”. I could have assumed all sort of things and got indignant and gone off unloading on people. If someone doesn’t think I “act Black” that is on them. I do not even know what that even means much less to ponder it. I like being me, and I act like me, being happy with that; there was no need for the comment to affect me. I could have read all sorts of things into it and reacted.

livelaughlove21's avatar

I personally don’t think there was anything wrong with what this woman did. I wouldn’t consider that fat-shaming at all. I say good for her for maintaining that bangin’ bod after three kids. “What’s your excuse?” is hardly the same thing as, “ew, you’re a disgusting fat ass.”

I’m against fat shaming or any behavior aimed at discriminating against any group of people, but I don’t think that was her original intention.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Mark this day on the calender, @livelaughlove21 came to an agreement on something :-Q

livelaughlove21's avatar

Agreement with whom? I certainly don’t agree that overweight people shouldn’t be offended when called “fat.” That was the question asked, after all.

tedibear's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central – And maybe someone needs to say something about things that are offensive and shaming to others even if they are comfortable with themselves because it’s the right thing to do. I have yet to hear what the real purpose of the phrase “What’s your excuse?” is beyond bragging. Why does she need to ask that question? Is she looking for people to justify their lives and choices? Is she trying to make herself feel better about what she has managed to do by calling out others who haven’t? (Her hard work is admirable, by the way. It isn’t easy maintaining that physique.)

@livelaughlove21 – I agree, good for her. That’s a lot of work. I wish that if she felt the need to make any remark along with her photo, she could have picked something that sounded less like taunting. (That last part is not directed at you. It’s just a comment in general.)

Frankly, I think it stinks as much as anything in the “fitspiration” and “thinspiration” worlds. But that’s a whole other topic.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@livelaughlove21 I agree with you by stating, “I personally don’t think there was anything wrong with what this woman did. I wouldn’t consider that fat-shaming at all. I say good for her for maintaining that bangin’ bod after three kids. “What’s your excuse?” is hardly the same thing as, ‘ew, you’re a disgusting fat ass.’” I agree, the woman really did not do anything wrong, it is others taking it the wrong way or using it as an excuse to get angry because someone made them take a hard look at what they were not doing even if they did not want to do what was pointed out.

tedibear's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central – Why is it up to her to point out anything?

funkdaddy's avatar

@tedibear – on her own facebook wall?

tedibear's avatar

@funkdaddy – Where she said this is not what I’m getting at. I’m asking @Hypocrisy_Central (and, I suppose, anyone else) why he thinks that it is up to her to point out anything to anyone about what they have chosen to do or not do. My question is directed at the comment, “someone made them take a hard look at what they were not doing even if they did not want to do what was pointed out,” not at the fact that she put it on Facebook.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@tedibear I think the fact that it was on her Facebook page is relevant. No one said it was “up to her” to point out anything. She just posted a picture on her own Facebook and now she’s a bitch? Much more offensive things have been posted on Facebook without articles being written about it.

Nothing she said was overtly rude. She can post whatever she wants on her own page and she shouldn’t have to defend herself about a picture with “What’s your excuse?” written on it. She did nothing wrong.

At least she’s promoting a healthy, strong female physique instead of the grotesque, overly-thin bodies plastered all over every fashion magazine in the country.

Katniss's avatar

I just want to say that if my body looked like hers, I’d find excuses to post pictures anywhere I could. lol
Even if you find her obnoxious or rude or whatever, you have to admire the hard work and discipline it took to achieve that body. Or maybe it’s just me. Either way, props to her.

Coloma's avatar

Oh dead god, you guys are still chewing the fat here? lol

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Coloma omg, chewing the fat….funny woman~!

Katniss's avatar

Bwahahahahahaha!!!!

Coloma's avatar

Yeah, and “dead” god. lol

tedibear's avatar

@all – Really, my question is about @Hypocrisy_Central‘s comment. I’m interested to know why he thinks that it is up to her to point out something, regardless of what she meant or where she posted it. That’s a different thing and not where I’m headed.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@tedibear Really, my question is about @Hypocrisy_Central‘s comment. I’m interested to know why hethinks that it is up to her to point out something, regardless of what she meant or where she posted it.
It is not her duty or up to her to point out other’s laziness; and she did not do. However, if she makes a statement in the passive sense and people are convicted by it, it is not different if the comment was made about not going into the military, getting a degree, a better job, driving a better car, etc; the modus operandi is the same.

Coloma's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central So now your calling overweight people “lazy” too?
Pffft!

gailcalled's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central: How do people get convicted by a statement, whether in the passive sense or not?

tedibear's avatar

@Coloma – Thank you for saying that. I understood the rest of the explanation but was too annoyed last night to respond to the laziness comment. Fat does not equal lazy. Period.

KNOWITALL's avatar

The lady didn’t do anything my male bodybuilder friend didn’t do or posted on his fb, it’s still attn-seeking behavior if you ask me.

My sis-in-law is a personal trainer and has two kids and is fit and beautiful, she posts inspirational thing’s for everyone, but she doesn’t pull the ‘look at me’ bit, not real tactful, she just says if you’re ready to be fit, let me show you how to do it safely.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Coloma So now your calling overweight people “lazy” too?
Gadzooks! I did not know I was speaking Chinese and you understood it.~ Where in ”It is not her duty or up to her to point out other’s laziness; and she did not do.” did YOU see the word “FAT”? I know I didn’t, I can bet my donuts to anyone’s dollars they can’t find the word in there either. I will leave it at that less I be modded.

@gailcalled How do people get convicted by a statement, whether in the passive sense or not?
Quite elementary my dear Watson, if someone were to make a statement such ”I don’t drive a truck because I have the smarts and ball for big business”. If the person driving the truck hears it but feels he is not doing his best or happy where he is and what he is doing he will feel convicted, because he will feel the comment is directed to him, and it would not have anything to do with him; it was in his belief that it was, nothing more.

@tedibear Fat does not equal lazy. Period.
Don’t read into the comment what is not there, then you avoid being annoyed. But not mincing words THIS TIME, if all people who are fat, none are lazy, that only leaves them to be gluttons; now you can get more annoyed.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Have you re-thought about any of this since this originally was posted? Redeem thyself brother…lol

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@KNOWITALL Have you re-thought about any of this since this originally was posted?
I have actually, and what I have come up with you really don’t want me to say; those with thin skinned might get singed badly.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Wrong person, I hate avoidance more than anything.

You can PM me if you’d rather, but I am interested. :)

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

^ You got it….it will be coming. ;-D

tedibear's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central – You used the phrase, “to point out other’s laziness,” and have continued to talk about fat people. While your next comment will likely be that I drew that conclusion, I can tell you that I drew it from what you have said and implied throughout the discussion. I don’t make up stuff out of thin air. And who said anything about “all” fat people? I said that fat doesn’t equal lazy. As in just because someone is fat, that doesn’t mean they’re lazy.

As for this, “if all people who are fat, none are lazy, that only leaves them to be gluttons,” you couldn’t be more wrong if you tried. But that is a completely different topic and not for this thread.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@tedibear As for this, “if all people who are fat, none are lazy, that only leaves them to be gluttons,” you couldn’t be more wrong if you tried. But that is a completely different topic and not for this thread.
Please POSE THAT QUESTION, I want to know why 60% of Americans have no control over their expanding waistline. Maybe there is a gene I have not read about, some genetic marker that will make a grape give them as many calories as another person would eating a entire stake. Let’s ask the question and find out.

FutureMemory's avatar

Elementary my dear Watson… too funny.

livelaughlove21's avatar

I wasn’t aware that stakes contained many calories, @Hypocrisy_Central.

Coloma's avatar

@livelaughlove21

Wood varies in calorie content, Oak is less fattening than Olive. lol

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

^^ OK, wrong word but right application. There is still no answer to why that is. If 60% of Americans are over weight, either they don’t exercise enough to consume the calories they take in, they can exercise like gerbils on a treadmill all day and eat 5 raisins and still be fat because they have a fat gene, or they are severely under height; if they were 2 feet taller they would be at the right weight. Maybe there is a simpler answer: they eat too much and exercise too little.

Coloma's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central

There are many reasons people gain weight, and true, MOST of the time it is about too much going in and not enough energy expenditure. However, more to the point, minding ones own business is where it’s at. When you become perfect, then feel free to point fingers at others.
People don’t seem to understand that one flaw is not any better or worse than another.
Being fat is not better/worse than being an drug addict, being an alcoholic is not better/worse than being a Heroin addict, and certainly, being codependently obsessed, controlling and judgmental of others is a serious problem that merits attention as well.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Coloma Hear, hear, preach it!!!!!! :)

Coloma's avatar

@KNOWITALL Seriously huh! lol

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Coloma However, more to the point, minding ones own business is where it’s at.
If that were the case, there would be no funk about her FB posting and nothing to this question. If the people who are happy with what they are, too fat, too scrawny, to whatever would have just been happy with that, ignored her post and not believing it was pointed at them, and went about their business not judging her, it would have all been very fine.

When you become perfect, then feel free to point fingers at others.
One, never said I was perfect. Two, I am not pointing fingers at anyone in the sense of saying they are less than because they are not in prime physical shape. However, they are not going to be any healthier, thinner, more toned, simply because no one ever pointed out to them that they could be in better physical shape. I may not have a perfect golf swing, a perfect tennis swing, etc, but that doesn’t mean I can’t point out someone who is swing a bat incorrectly when indeed they are.

Coloma's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Clearly you are invested in being right and pointing or not pointing is always a choice. Horse dead, you can put down your club now.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Coloma Everyone is free to jump to conclusions or get bent out of shape about comments they believe is directed toward them when it wasn’t. You can turn off the fog machine…..

LornaLove's avatar

Because NOT everyone wants to look like her. NOT everyone actually gives a shit what she looks like either. SOME women like themselves without starvation and working out to the brink of madness.

She has no tits, no shape, and is straight up and down like an ironing board and too much fake tan for my liking whats her excuse?

Dutchess_III's avatar

@LornaLove I think the point the OP is making is if they are really OK with themselves, there is no reason at all for them to get defensive. They shouldn’t feel one way or the other about the woman or her point.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

^ Sokath – his her eyes uncovered! (shamelessly ripping off Star Trek) SOMEONE gets it; now the rest of you please follow suit.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Just because we ‘get it’ doesn’t mean we agree with it, though. But you and I already discussed all this. peace, and congrats on a Q that spans the time space continuum.

Nimis's avatar

@funkdaddy I agree. Nike is a very effective marketing machine. The exact same phrase has a distinctly different message when it’s handled with tact and skill.

Words and images create their own unique alchemy. You can’t take a phrase out of its original context and expect it to still carry its original meaning.

Popular marketing campaigns like Just Do It or Got Milk? are often copied and/or spoofed. Sometimes their original intent is twisted for irony. And sometimes people are just clueless (like this lady) and the results are unintentional.

Dutchess_III's avatar

“Whars the beef?”

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

And sometimes people are just clueless (like this lady) and the results are unintentional.
Sometimes the clueless ones are those who believe it is all about them, when it is not.

Nimis's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central I don’t think it’s all about me. I don’t think you need to take it personally to find it annoying.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I thought it was all about me…. :(

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