How can I help someone searching for answers and beset by paralyzing indecision?

I would suggest that he see a therapist. He is stuck in a mental rut, going in circles and the trench is getting deeper so he can not see beyond it anymore. It seems that a professional would best be able to help him break his cycle and dig himself a new direction.

I can take a few guesses what’s up, but realistically this is one of those things best left to professionals. Start by looking up therapists and go from there. It’s something I doubt they’ll do on their own, and there’s a slim chance that just knowing someone cares might pull him out of this nosedive.

On a more personal note, sometimes something happens to just shake you up and make you more cautious, possibly to the point of paralyzing indecision. I know I’m a bit less decisive since my car accident earlier this year brought me face to face with my own mortality, and I’ve been second-guessing myself more since. Trauma can sometimes affect one subtly.

It certainly sounds like some kind of anxiety disorder. A good therapist should be able to help him and will assess whether meds are needed as well and then send him to a psychiatrist for those. I would start with a therapist first, though, since most psychiatrists are more focused on meds than talk.

Sounds like he has a long road ahead of him.

I am just curious does he recognize that his fears about going to the right church are unfounded? And other irrational thought? Besides counseling which is a very good idea he needs a distraction that brings him out of his mental circling. Something so engaging or physically taxing that he can’t be in there digging his hole deeper.

I speak from a certain amount of experience on this. Familiar with the compulsion to escape or take a vacation from my own head. This can’t always happen right away because even knowing it finding something that does it for one and overcoming all the anxieties is very frustrating.

Also reading about the mechanisms and symptoms that involve such anxiety from different perspectives. Finding books that tell me about fear or anxiety or self doubt have helped me and engaged and fascinated me.
Music is also an easy way to take one beyond present paralyzing emotions. It is an undervalued tool, actually absorbing all the senses in present life is an immediate boost. It brings with it just the smallest hint of outerworld awareness and perspective though admittedly it is best worked in conjunction with other therapy methods.

I have read in so many places that one cannot appreciate understand or love beauty in whatever form until they have experienced some lvel of pain and hardship and those emerging from depression can almost feel rebirthed as to see the world with fresh appreciation. I have experienced this so many times in my life and when I lose.focus of the small great wonders I try to recapture that simple pleasure.

When I was a kid, it was known as “Shit, or get off the pot.”

As an adult, I’m more charitable, and I say, “Choose a course, any course, and stay with it.” FORWARD is a motion.

YOU are caught up in his details.

Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. It works for ideology, too.

@hearkat Thanks. He actually has an appointment to see a therapist tomorrow. I didn’t know that till I passed on the suggestion, but obviously he’s on the same page with that.

@jerv Makes sense. I don’t know of any recent traumas he’s suffered, but I don’t shadow him around like a J. Edgar Hover would. I’ll ask.

@janbb Good. It sounds like he’s on the right track to get this resolved, then.

@Unbroken Oh yes, he mentioned that going on in his head as a perfect example of the unwelcome and irrational thoughts. Unfortunately, just knowing that thoughts and feelings don’t make good sense won’t always turn them off.

I’d welcome any reading list you can provide. For being such a crazy f***er I am as stable as the Rock of Gibraltar, so it isn’t reading I am familiar with.

@ibstubro Thanks. That sounds like and excellent, yet difficult to deploy, strategy. I’ll do my best to put that into play.

Be happy to I personally loved this book. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1264494.Fear_Itself. It was very edifying to read about the physical and psychological changes happening in the body in response to fear. It was also comforting to know that it is common or at least not unheard of.

Then I moved from there into behavioral psychology which I found fascinating. Dan ariely is by far my fav so far though I have to admit it is a newer subject to me and I haven’t been wholly dedicated to it. Predictable irrationality and its sister book are a good place to start.

Oh Harriet Lerner’s books were recommended to me by my counselor with the addendum that no book is going to solve or identify all my problems. I read dance of intimacy, dance of anxiety, dance of anger. Top of my head the titles might not be exact.

Uhm. I could go even my fiction and memoirs I connected to as they pertained to me in some issue I was dwelling or had experienced trouble with. I really felt fortuitous in that regard.

Really there is no guarantee your friend will like them or benefit from them. Also it is dependant on his underlying issues. Where the fear stems from, if it is fulfillment these might be of interest to him… http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2011/09/12/fear-creativity/ they looked interesting to me.

Oh and for soothing reading I recommend the prophet by kahlil gibran and Thomas Moore care of the soul.

But I will stop there as that is quite a pile. And it may not be helpful.

@Unbroken Thanks so much. I know he loved to read, and was really looking for some suggestions for him. I’ll definitely keep all here posted on progress. My sincerest thanks for the ideas.

No problem. I included focused on fear because it is usually fear of making the wrong move or fear of loss or being trapped into something having to commit that often causes indecisiveness.

Focusing more on the indecisiveness itself predictable irrationality is still a good choice. Blink be Malcolm Gladwell though many here look down on him he collates info that is digestable and true.

There are also some others that handled the subject but I would have to find them.

There was this blog that recommended three books on the subject. I haven’t read them but I think they sound helpful.

http://boomersandbooks.wordpress.com/2011/07/27/the-art-of-indecision/

@Unbroken Just for the record, Mr. X is not a boomer. He’s in his 20s. But the reference is interesting, nonetheless.

He say a psychologist today. The diagnosis was major depressive anxiety disorder, and the recommendation was that the see a psychiatrist and get medication to stabilize his behavior while they work on the long-term solution.

Good news that he is getting help!

We wish him the best. Sounds like he is on the right path.

Thanks, @janbb & @Unbroken