Social Question

spykenij's avatar

How can I be friends with my boss again?

Asked by spykenij (1803 points ) January 15th, 2014

We were friends first, but now he’s being a total dick. If I had gone for the position he’s in now, I would be his boss per our old boss, but I wanted him to get it since he has a kid and needed the money. I try to talk to him, but he’s just been a total jerk. What would you do?

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9 Answers

glacial's avatar

You can’t make someone want to be your friend. You’ve made it clear that you want a friendship, and he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want a friendship. Focus on the relationship that you do have – in which he is your boss and you are his employee. Find other people to be friends with – ones who are actually interested in that role. That is the best you can do.

Kropotkin's avatar

Is it possible that he may have manipulated you into moving aside for him in the first place?

I don’t think there’s anything you can do to be friends with your boss again.

In a workplace, you are subordinate to your boss. The boss-worker relationship is hierarchical and authoritarian. He can ignore rules that you have to follow. He gets to tell you what to do. He gets to assess you and judge you. He can ignore you, gloat over you, or even make your work-life difficult.

A friendship is an egalitarian and reciprocal relationship.

You’ll notice that the two relationships are diametrically opposed and irreconcilable.

The only way you can be friends with your boss, or any other boss, would be for that boss to wilfully not be your boss. In other words, he’d have to treat you as if he were not your boss, or that you had the same status as him—which is highly unlikely to happen.

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

In time he might relax and get back to his old self. Maybe he is just having a “big-headed” moment. Try not to hold it against him. He is probably going through some adjustments.

Pachy's avatar

Hard as it may be, I’d give up on the idea of being friends with him and start thinking of him as your boss. I learned that in the business world it’s very hard for a manager to be friends with his charges.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

Why would you even want to be friends with someone who’s a “total d*ck” and “total jerk”?

snowberry's avatar

You’ll never be friends with him again. He’s now “in a relationship” with his job. Look elsewhere.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

If you want to be a friend to him, then be one.

Not your decision whether is a friend in return.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Elucidate, how is he being a jerk to the point you can’t speak to him to attempt to resolve this problem?

Gabby101's avatar

Dumb move to step aside for a friend. In my experience, people never appreciate these sacrifices. Sometimes initially they do, but eventually the ego takes over and they attribute their success to themselves.

To your question – Maybe this guy feels awkward being friends with someone that reports to him. Maybe he thinks it makes him look unprofessional or that he has favorites.

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