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RockerChick14's avatar

What should I do about my best guy friend?

Asked by RockerChick14 (948 points ) January 16th, 2014 from iPhone

We are high school and became what feels like instant friends in the beginning of the school year. I like him as more than just a friend but the problem is that he has a girlfriend and I don’t want to be the girl that got in the middle so I tried to convince myself that I don’t like him but I can’t.

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14 Answers

Pandora's avatar

I don’t see that you have a choice. This could play out in several ways. You confess and your friendship becomes a quick iceberg, or he is ok with you liking him but spends most of his time trying to convince you that he isn’t into you. Or he tells his girlfriend because his guilt compels him too and now you have an enemy in her and she convinces him to stop being your friend.
Or he does like you back and dumps his girlfriend. Well so much for loyalty. You will be a footnote in his life the moment someone else confesses their love for him and things have cooled between you two.
Or he figures he can have the both of you and that was his plan all along. After all, you have been sticking around like a loyal pet and he figures you will continue to hang around and won’t tell his girlfriend anything for fear of losing him.

Or as the saying goes. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Personally, it would probably be better not to say anything until their relationship dies in a normal teen fashion. Most high school relationship dies, unless someone ends up pregnant. Then it is either instant death or they wing it till the kid is about 6 and then they are bitter and resentful.

Probably just easier to let it go and stick to the books.

DWW25921's avatar

Just be cool and act like you don’t care. That turns guys on. We’re strange like that.

pleiades's avatar

He has a girlfriend…

Don’t be a homewrecker

Thammuz's avatar

@Pandora‘s analisys is pretty accurate, IMO.

You’ll have better luck waiting for them to fall out of love than to try and steal him. If they never do, then you’ve got a friend and you’ve not lost him by trying to break up a relationship that was pparently stronger than expected.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Tricky business. You’re forced by circumstance to interact. High school relationships are notoriously volatile and your situation is but a preview of what to expect from future excursions through the minefield of love. But take heart. Objectively speaking, it’s merely your turn to experience a defining dilemma regarding the human condition. It’s the stuff of great literature, and even though you are doomed to a period of obsessive frustration, like Hamlet, you’re being challenged to grow up in a hurry. Reason and self discipline are called for. One way or another, you’ll come through this and wind up wiser for the experience.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Just keep being friends, gf’s come & go but friends last. Highschool romance is so cheesy, focus on the work.

josie's avatar

I tried to convince myself that I don’t like him but I can’t

Wrong approach. You won’t convince yourself, you will fail at convincing yourself, you will therefore decide all is hopeless and you will either ruin your attitude, or say fuck it and get involved in ways that you should not.

The correct approach is “I like him, but I have to accept the circumstances” and then go from there.

JimTurner's avatar

This can be good practice for you to stay away from those already in a relationship.
However if they break up there is a possibility that you two may become an item.

zenvelo's avatar

Do what @KNOWITALL suggests: get away from the duality of girlfriend/not girlfriend, and just be his friend.

High school romances rarely last more than a school year. People talk about ones that last longer because they are remarkable, not because they are at all common.

You can be her friend too, Like him for who he is,not for his being a love object. Be his real friend, the person he talks to. And chances are in a few years as you each grow and have dated other people, you’ll both become closer.

marinelife's avatar

A troubling scenario. It is unlikely to have the outcome that you want. If you tell him your feelings, the changes are that your friendship will never be the same.

CWOTUS's avatar

@josie‘s advice, FTW.

This is something you’ll probably have to face all of your life, including the times when you are the one in a relationship and the attractive “other” is not, and when he is. What you do “when no one else is looking” defines what honor means to you. You know how to be honorable, so be that way.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Also, I was the girl who didn’t have sex in hs and didn’t date in hs much at all, I was friends with everyone but mostly guys. After hs, the guys would all invite me and other ‘friends’ over to hang out and play bball, all-night sessions of Playstation, parties, etc…and there were no other girls there most of the time- it was great!!

Guys are funny about girls they need to impress and girls that fall into the friend zone. Just saying, there’s a lot of benefits to just being friends and keeping their friendship and respect.

juanitafi's avatar

If you believe that is your person – go all the way, fight for your feelings. There is nothing wrong to make first step from a girl. I made the first step myself and I have a great BF. Although in your particular case I would wait a bit to figure out how serious these guys are. I mean if you hear from a guy that this is love, then you have no chances unfortunately.

crushingandreaming's avatar

Well since you guys are good friends and you can tell him anything express your feelings for him

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