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Mimishu1995's avatar

Can somebody tell me how to post in a thread without being too dominating?

Asked by Mimishu1995 (7944 points ) May 4th, 2014

Please! I’m desperate for an answer right now! I know there is another thread that discussed some similar things before, but the results of this thread isn’t very clear.

Just consider me as an utterly stupid person who always post too much, and please give me a down-to-earth list of what to do for not being dominating.

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28 Answers

filmfann's avatar

Should only nice people answer?

dxs's avatar

All witty remarks don’t need to be said. That being said, you can be comical and still be on topic.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@filmfann You already know I have been sticking here for fairly a long time, right? I’m ready for everything.

Seaofclouds's avatar

In my opinion, if you and someone other than the OP are going back and forth in a discussion that adds nothing to the OP, you are dominating the thread and derailing it. To avoid this, pay attention to the conversations you are having and ask yourself if you are still adding to the original intended discussion. If the OP were to return right then, would they be able to jump in as well or is it now really just a conversation between you and the other person? Also, ask yourself if maybe you should take it to PM rather than leaving it on the question.

If you are going back and forth with the OP and it is adding to the OP, I don’t consider that dominating in a bad way since you are helping the OP. Some people may still see this as a bad thing, but I think it’s ok when being done to help answer the question. Sometimes such a thing is necessary, such as working out a chemistry or math problem or obtaining more information to give a better answer.

To me, dominating alone is not necessarily a bad thing. Its more about the intent and effect on the intended discussion.

Judi's avatar

Enjoy the process as the thread gains a life of its own. Every post does not need a response.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I didn’t take the game threads into account, such as TJBM. In those instances, it does get old seeing the same person’s responses all the time. I actually stopped participating in them a while back because of this. The nice aspect if those threads in the beginning was getting a variety. Looking over the most recent one, it seems like there are only a few people still participating. That’s going to make for a lot of back and forth unless people are patient and try to get others to participate as well.

Judi's avatar

I have never participated in the game threads but I stop following when one or two people dominate a conversation.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

I guess that would be your definition of ”dominating”. I have seen at least one thread I can remember where two people went back and forth on some physic, quantum mechanics what do you do, and some of it was interesting. It might have been more interesting if I were that interested in quantum mechanics to know what they were talking about. If it is a discussion then it might be OK, if it is a quipfest with each trying to hack the other person down and gain support lurve to bolster their aim, then dominating or not, it becomes a non-event. If someone ask a question and doesn’t engage any of the answers but seem to ask the question and forget it, I figure it was not that important of a question, so why should I see it that way.

dappled_leaves's avatar

People are mean.

There’s no rule about how often you can post in a thread. Do whatever you want, @Mimishu1995. No matter how you fluther, there will always be people who appreciate you and people who find you annoying. It’s like that for every one of us.

ibstubro's avatar

There’s no meanness to it, @dappled_leaves. I gave this a GQ. I think we have a responsibility to point out what we see as self destructive behavior. What’s the point of smothering something you love to death?

jaytkay's avatar

I used to feel the need to answer everyone who disagreed with me and would try to dominate threads.

Now, I try to put my ideas in one post and stop.

Link

OpryLeigh's avatar

My rule (for myself, that is) is to try not to post for the sake of posting (as @Judi says, you don’t need to respond to everyone) and, know what belongs in a thread and what would be better of in PM. I hope the answers on this thread help you :)

And don’t put yourself down like that, you do not come across as ‘utterly stupid’ at all. You come across as enthusiastic on a site you clearly enjoy and that is not a crime. I would just recommend that you treat certain threads a little less like an instant message site is all, however, if you haven’t been pulled up on it by a Mod, you’re probably not breaking any guideline rules but it may cause other users (including the OP) to quit threads sooner than they intended and/or prevent other users from contributing something of relevance. I hope that makes sense.

dappled_leaves's avatar

@ibstubro It’s not meanness until someone tells you that they’re tired of seeing you post.

janbb's avatar

How about posting once and waiting to see if you get many GAs or if anybody engages in what you said? Those are two fairly good signs that what you said is relevant to the conversation. If you don’t get either of those signs or if it has become only a two person dialogue, it may be time to sit back and just read.

And as others have said, no need to post just for the sake of posting. It has taken me some time to learn to sit on my hands sometimes myself so I know it is not always easy to restrain yourself.

ibstubro's avatar

@dappled_leaves You neglected “What’s the point of smothering something you love to death?”

I admit that I’ve had some really great flights of fancy on Fluther. However, I try to give it a rest after a while. If 2–3 Jellies are carrying on for a bit (especially if someone whispers once in a while) that can be great fun, but when I think it might be wearing the other members thin, I don’t even re-open the question again until there have been 2–3 posts after mine. If my fun has continued, great! If not, so be it. You can also find long strings on questions such as TJBM where it’s just me and another member, but if you look closely the posts are hours or days apart – meaning the 2 of us were trying to keep the thread alive hoping for new posts.

Really, I wish Fluther had a better way of bookmarking questions. I thought of one today that was sort of a ‘would you rather’ from a short time ago and never found it. Sometimes I leave questions (such as “good happened to you today!”) unanswered so that when I have a good answer I can post mine and catch up the others.

dappled_leaves's avatar

It has nothing to do with a “formula” for participation. Even in Fluther’s heydey, there would be rapid responses by some members, and there wasn’t this kind of bellyaching in the vein of “You’re new, aren’t you? Hmph, that’s not how we do things around here.” Sometimes people who are part of a group use the exclusion of others to define their inclusion within the group. It’s further proof of Fluther’s stagnation that it can’t abide a new person who is excited about Fluther.

Jeez, we should be thrilled that a new person is here and wants to participate and be engaged. Instead, we tell her to cool her heels. We want to un-bounce her, like Tigger. It’s terrible.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

You know @Mimishu1995 it was said If you don’t get either of those signs or if it has become only a two person dialogue, it may be time to sit back and just read. Sometimes you can be right on point but because you are not being a boot lackey of the majority, you won’t see any lurve no matter how good the points you make are. I say if some stupid stuff is said that needs to be clarified, post to attempt to clarify it. If there is anyone who say you are dominating a thread or something, they do not have to stay in that thread, no one has a Tommy gun to their head, yours or anyone else’s. If the conversation is really that engaging to them, they will stick around no matter what.

weeveeship's avatar

My take is that you should give the reasons for your opinions.

Saying “XYZ is dumb” solves nothing and will probably get a negative response.

Saying “XYZ is overall bad because, although it makes [some part of life] easier, it destroys the environment and brings poverty to many” is a more well-reasoned argument. It will probably get a less negative response. Though others might disagree with you, at least you show them where you are coming from.

Also, don’t feed the trolls.

Good luck.

ibstubro's avatar

Here is a constructive example of where I found an inactive thread I’d missed but liked. I hit it a couple of times with the OP, then backed off to see if the question had lost the interest of the previous participants, or if it just got lost in the shuffle. Guess it got lost, and now I have a new question to go to.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Glad I missed that gumbo junket.

dappled_leaves's avatar

Just have to have the last word, eh @ibstubro?

AstroChuck's avatar

First you’ll need to change out of that leather outfit and put down the whip.

dappled_leaves's avatar

@turtlesandbox That was the point I was trying to make. <bangs head on desk>

Paradox25's avatar

It depends on the thread. Sometimes I take part in my own threads because the nature of what I’m asking requires me to do such a thing. At other times I’m just looking for people’s opinions on a topic. When I want to debate or discuss a topic I get involved, and when I’m really looking for opinions I let the thread go. The nature of the question, along with whether it’s in general or social, can be varying factors in determining how or if one should post certain (if any) responses or not.

There’s no Mendoza Line in determining this, so you have to use your own reasonable judgement, especially considering that not all of us are on fluther and ask questions or make posts for the same reasons. I do take the points of @Seaofclouds and @Judi into consideration too. Hey, we all mess up, and no matter what we do someone somewhere will not approve of us and what we do.

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