Are we destined to become over-talkative when we're old?

I live in a 55+ city and they do talk a lot, and I love it. Great stories. Always people around who will strike up a conversation. I think people need to interact with others a certain number of hours a day, it varies how much for each person, and when we are older our spouse has heard the stories already, or are gone. The kids are grown up doing their own thing. Friends have busy lives too. So, once in a while we get to talk to strangers to get our personal interaction needs taken care of, and impart knowledge and wisdom and even trivial stories sometimes.

If I have the time, sure. I enjoy the stories too. But when you’re stopped short, drawn up, stopped from finishing what you were doing, and, out of politeness, kind of forced to listen for so long is another thing. Do they no longer realize that it is, actually, rude and inappropriate?

^^My dad never realized it practically his entire life. He’s slightly better now after having to go through some serious introspection and pain.

I think men get a lot of interaction in work experiences, and then when they are older it’s very different for them.

Old people are often lonely. Their loneliness and urge to socialize of often expressed in being very talkative.

In other words, they just need someone to talk with.

Who’s “we?” Do you have a monkey in your pocket??

@Sneki95 nailed it; it is a symptom of loneliness.

My mother (93 y.o.) has outlived all of her friends and even some of the children of friends. She used to have a dozen or more people she had known since the 1940s that she corresponded with on at least a monthly basis. Now that aspect of her life is gone.

I met a 91 yo man at the local reservoir the other day, we ended up talking for forty five minutes. It made both our days.

@zenvelo, I love hearing the stories. I love listening to Rick’s dad tell his stories. But dang it. I was stuck, leaning against a counter in a tiny room (about 6 X 8, maybe) with only 1 chair, that he was sitting in, my legs and back hurting from some strenuous physical activity I did the other day, I was very tired to boot, Rick was leaning against a door jamb, just as tired….if I could have just sat down with a Diet Coke or something, so I was comfortable, with an opportunity to take a break now and again, I think I could listen for hours. Well, I know I could, because I love those stories. But that was a long time to stand.

As a recently aged septuagenarian, I can attest to what @Sneki95 said in her first paragraph.

What some people need to realize (and not just we oldsters), is what she said in her second one.

We need someone to talk with, and not just to. I.e., some yakmasters, blabbermouths, and most monologgers, have to know that conversations are more enjoyable to the recipients when they are listened to and given air space to participate.

I think there is no set destiny and I suspect attention getters and story tellers were almost always that way and maybe just become more so as they age, going on about their grandchildren or things like that. Other people become silent and withdrawn. A friend and I noted that our aging parents didn’t change so much as become more intense versions of what they always were.

Can they still be lonely even when they have a wife, and children and grandchildren they interact with often, @Brian1946?

”... so much as become more intense versions of what they always were.” That’s pretty profound @janbb.

I’d say the degree of loneliness would depend on the quality of those interactions.

One could have those interactions, and still be somewhat lonely if they’ve recently lost an emotionally valuable friend.

However, if I had all those quality interactions, I’m sure I wouldn’t be lonely.

@Dutchess_III Yeah. With my Mom it was like any filters that had been on – and they were never many – were completely off as she aged.

@Dutchess_III I think you nailed it in your first sentence, when you wrote, ”...the guy…” (No science here, just my own observations.)

So many men spend their lives being relatively silent. When they attend social events, they let their more-chatty wives do the talking. At work, they certainly interact with colleagues, but they’re, well, working.

I truly believe that men reach their elderly years and are ready to be heard. All those decades of short-talk and reservation suddenly make them seem as if they’ve been cheated. It’s their turn; they’re going to speak; you’re going to listen.

I wouldn’t characterize the majority of the people I know where I live as lonely. I would just say they aren’t bombarded all day with work colleagues and children.

That’s an interesting thought, @Love_my_doggie.

Blah blah blah When I was growin’ up blah blah in my day blah blah young whippersnappers blabbity blab blab were on my lawn yak yak yak didn’t have no computer yak yak yakkity yak real men Blah blah blah blah blahblah blah biggest fish ever yak yak yakyak yak yakkity yak real music blahblah yakyak damn commies blabbity blab blab yakkity yak love it or leave it blabbity yak yak.

Well, it wasn’t even like that @Brian1946. It was just that he started in on why the buyers of the RV had to bring a bank certified check, because “4,5,6 years ago, I don’t really remember, had a guy who bought a pickup. He have me a check. He also gave him a phone number. The checks were faked, written on non-existent accounts. The phone number the guy gave him was disconnected. The number on the check was disconnected. He had to go back and find the number the guy called him from on his phone 3, 4, 5 days earlier, Tuesday I think it was, and that got some results, but it went to voice mail.”
Then he found the car, here in town (the guy was from a town 60 miles away) and I called Kevin to see if he could start it and Kevin said yes, if it was an automatic (he didn’t have the key…..) and from there it slid into cars he’s owned, the kinds of cars he gets for his wife, “and I just go pull my cars out of salvage!” (he’s pretty damn rich, btw,) and then on to engine problems he’d had with each car, and what it took to fix them….“A 50 cent plastic part but they had to pull the engine so it was $6,000! So listen for that ticking if you get this kind of vehicle…”
And on. And on. I would love to sit and visit because it wasn’t exactly boring, but just not the time or place, you know?

Maybe that’s the real question…do we lose our ability to determine appropriate from not appropriate when we get old? Do we lose the ability to realize it’s a one sided conversation, which means it isn’t a conversation at all? I hope I don’t.

It is hard wired in our DNA. For many thousands of years, it was our only way of passing on information.
Old folks were the google. They told the youngers everything they could remember about weather, travel, other people, foods, hunting, making apparel, how to read the stars, every single thing they could remember.

That’s a thought too.

When someone’s going on and on at me and I’m getting uncomfortable, I figure out a tactful way to get up and go! The onus is on me to set the boundary.

Yes, true with younger people. I don’t feel sorry for them! But in my mind, it’s disrespectful to do older people. And I did eventually find a graceful escaping point, but it took some time.

I did telemarketing for a while and yeah.It was taught to focus on the elderly since they are lonely. Ask them about their grand-kids and let them talk for a half hour, pretend to care since they will think we are friends now. Now we are friends and you will do whatever the fuck I want.

I gave this a “good question” because just a few hours ago, I was on the phone with an elderly former coworker. It had been years since we’d spoken, and so we were catching up a little and then I wrapped it up by saying we should get together sometime soon for dinner. We said goodbye and then she started up on a whole new topic. “Remember so-and-so? I saw her in Costco. Did you know her?” Then wrapped it up again, goodbye, and then she’d start talking again with a question. Third time, wrapped it up, goodbye and then she’d launch into something else.

Doing child protective work, we were taught that we control the conversation. Some people want to ramble on and on and we don’t have hours to listen.

My line for when people ramble on is “I’d love to keep talking to you but I really have to get going.”

@johnpowell That is horrid.

@johnpowell Points for your truthfulness.

Umm…I guess once people retire they have time and are in no rush.
I remember being in line at the grocery store and this older guy was talking on and on to the woman in her 40s behind the till.
When he left she said “Sorry about that, he likes to talk.”
I couldn’t help but think that if I were a retired guy in my 70s I’d probably hang out at the grocery store flirting with women too.
What the hell else do I got to do?

^^It’s true, people who are retired have more time. Where I live you hear all the time people saying, “no problem, I’m retired,” when they have to wait at a store for help, or some situation that’s similar. They have busy schedules here having fun all day, but it isn’t like having a work schedule.

I’m going to agree with @janbb – i think that it depends on your personality. I would expect that a retired auctioneer would be more outgoing, enjoy chatting and want to spend more time doing this than a more shy and retiring sort. My sister’s grandmother-in-law never said a word to my sister or anyone else in all the times she met her. She didn’t have a problem with her, she just wasn’t a talker.

Arguably, I’m old and lonely but I’ve gone the other way. I’m very rude to telemarketers and go days, recently weels, without speaking to a peer.

@cazzie But you interact online constantly (I do to, that’s not a criticism) so you still have human interaction.

Pretty sure I’m pretty brief. And not overly friendly even. And I wouldn’t say constantly. Laid up with a bum knee and bored a.f. recently.

@jca, and all, So what is with people who miss the obvious, “Nice talking to you, good bye,” and they launch into another story? How do they miss the social cue?

@cazzie (You’re not old!)

I’m disappointed by the number of people who feel the lonliness of old people who have filled all the responsibilities of their lives is an inconvenience. I can understand a desire not to stand for an extended time, but to be offended by someone’s need to connect with other humans has never made sense to me. Even when I was a despicable teen, I would seek out lonely old folks who wanted to talk my ears off. Their stories fascinated me, even when about the mundane.
It seems after a lifetime of tending to the business of whatever their business was, an old person should be able to find someone to share their thoughts with, once in a while.

@Patty_Melt I would love to visit with him and ask questions. I did not love standing on my feet, my legs and back aching, propped up by a shelf, for an hour.

Like I said, I get not wanting to stand. Every day though I encounter someone who is frustrated or bored by elderly, often calling them kooky because they want to talk. I am seeing it also on this thread, but I point no finger.
Perhaps if you had said something about having been on your feet all day, and wanting to go home to put them up. At least then he might understand that when he wants to story it up, he should make his listeners comfortable.
Anyway, it was nice of you to stay long as you did.

I would have concerns that he’d feel foolish for going on and on. I would feel rude.
I don’t think they’re even aware that they’re telling “stories,” or that they’re going on and on.

@cazzie I just mean you can come online and get interaction with people when you want it. A lot of older people don’t use the internet much. Many do, but many don’t.