I have a sister that is bipolar. I love my sister dearly. For years though, I couldn’t spend the time I wanted to spend around her. No matter how much people tried to help her, including me, she dropped in and out of treatment, therapy and would stop taking her meds. I know why she stopped, but it was the same pattern, over and over. My sister is also a binge drinker/ alcoholic. Some bipolars are also OCD, some are ADD/ADHD, some have no other issues – bipolar is hard, with or without complications. It’s not just hard on the person that has it. It’s incredibly difficult on family and friends.
I’m going to say something that will most likely be a very unpopular opinion. Sometimes, for your protection, you must pull away. I had to with my sister. I’m younger (37) and have bailed her out of jail (more than once), have looked for her when she took off and got calls to identify her body at the morgue (more than once), have moved her from a different state to the state where I now reside because that is when she truly lost it and called people – while in a delusional state and told people her now ex, committed suicide…he was very much alive, he was just leaving her. I have shelled out thousands of dollars in meds, clothes, moving expenses, food, bills and misc costs for her – never to see a penny again. I had to pay a lease, in full, to keep her from defaulting when I co-signed for her. All of this while I was a single mom, then after I remarried and was pregnant. Hey and it didn’t stop when I found out I had cancer. The fun just keep happening.
I pulled away from my sister. Why? Some on this board would see it as selfishness or me abandonning my sister. However, there becomes a time when it is abuse – whether or not the bipolar person understands it…it’s most definately abuse. What I left out of the paragraph above were the phone calls, telling me I never loved her, that she couldn’t help it and that I led a perfect life. I don’t call being assaulted, having a husband that wasn’t interested in being being a father, I went from having things to having $13 to my name – and needed to raise my daughter on that after HE refused to leave or help. My perfect little life, wasn’t so perfect, but I had frequent calls from her letting me know that I had everything.
She recently did a stint in rehab, court ordered after she wrecked my mother’s mercedes. NOW, she’s taking her meds. NOW she’s starting to see somethings that have gone on.
When I made the decision to cut ties for awhile, I cried. I had to, though. While it’s important to understand that bipolar people aren’t to be shunned, it’s important to protect yourself from abuse.
I read posts on here that bipolar people are ignored – etc, but I’ll say this. I just found out one of my favorite nurses is bipolar. I love her attitude. I wondered where she went for a week – she usually mentions it when she taking a vacation. She went throug a manic period and it wasn’t under control. She has a good working relationship (of course she’s in a hospital) but has come a long way in her treatments. She no longer thinks people are awful if they pull away – she does when she’s manic, but understands that she can be abusive during these times. They don’t happen for her often, anymore, she acts fast or has friends that aren’t afraid to tell her she’s sliding and needs to see her doctor. I didn’t say, “OH…there’s a crazy person!” I was interested in what brought her to this point. She said she learned to stop obsessing about her disease and start looking for the ways to lead a more productive life. She doesn’t particularly care what people think if they found out she is bipolar. She’s not ashamed, she didn’t do anything to be that way.
She gets it, though, it’s scary to other people. I want that for my sister. I know she’s really working on that now, but she still has a long way to go. I want nothing more for my sister than to be content and dare I say, happiness.
As a side note. For those that think cancer patients don’t see any negative sides to this – outside of the obvious…not true. At first, people rally behind you. Then, when it’s too much for them to handle. You look terrible, too sick or too scary, some stop coming to see you – then they stop calling. Then there are the ones that just think they can catch cancer from you and treat you like you are so contagious that they need to run and run far. Your family tends to treat you differently, too. My son, he was so scared of me. My daughter, she had so much fear, she thought I was going to die when I would go to bed at night.
ALL longterm illnesses or diseases have negative affects on someone’s life. Some worse than others.
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