General Question

chelseababyy's avatar

Why do guys do stuff like this, seriously?

Asked by chelseababyy (7921 points ) March 24th, 2009

So, my boyfriend has this friend and let’s just call her “A”. She’s a year older than me, and she just kind of urks me. They don’t talk at all and from what I heard, she doesn’t even really like him as a friend, she just feels bad so she talks to him. Her pictures on myspace are of her ass, and her tits. She is attractive, I will give her that. But her pictures make her look like a slut. That’s an understatement. Anyway, I find him sometimes going through her pretty much naked pictures.. Just looking at them, ones he’s even seen already. Tons of times. Why is that? The thing that makes it worse, is that he used to like her, I know I shouldn’t worry over it. But really. It’s just weird.
Another thing is that, she wears clothes that show her boobs, like full on. But if I were to wear a tank top, he’s all “You’re going out like that?”
What’s up with this?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

107 Answers

J0E's avatar

He respects you.

Likeradar's avatar

I’ve found that some guys like girls who show off what they’ve got… as long as it’s not their girlfriend doing it in public.
He’s looking at her pictures because he thinks she’s hot. It would make no difference if it were “A” or random internet girl or Jenna Jameson. If you’ve told him it bugs you and he continues to do it when you’re around, I think that’s the real issue.

Mr_M's avatar

For spite, send me YOUR pretty much naked pictures! That’ll show him!

marinelife's avatar

He can’t help it. 1. He is a guy. I think Jeff Foxworthy put it best, “Gimme a beer and somethin’ nekkid.” 2. He is at the raging hormones age, which makes it worse.

I am sure the guys on here will tell you it is not personal.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

She’s the equivalent of the Victoria’s Secret catalog.

chelseababyy's avatar

Is it weird that it makes me insecure?

Likeradar's avatar

@chelseababyy Nah, not weird. Just human. :) Mind if I ask how old you are?

J0E's avatar

@chelseababyy every guy likes to look at attractive half naked women but that is just lust. When they have someone that they actually like it isn’t all about looks.

chelseababyy's avatar

I’m 19, a few months shy of 20. He’s 23.

Bluefreedom's avatar

@chelseababyy. Kick him twice in the gonads and call me in the morning. =)

marinelife's avatar

No, it’s not weird. It is one of those Men are from Mars, Women are form Venus things. You can’t believe he has no emotional involvement with her, but looks at naked pictures of her.

Think of her as being a magazine photo to him.

Why has this come up? If he is doing this, it is not something he should be flaunting or doing in front of you.

chelseababyy's avatar

It’s just an ongoing thing that I’ve seen happening. I’m not sure he knows I know. It’s just kind of annoying. I’d rather him watch porn or something.

DrBill's avatar

1. He’s just a guy
2. When a guy has seen one mostly naked woman, He wants to see the rest of them.
3. Guys protect and revere the woman he loves, and has no problem treating the rest like objects.

J0E's avatar

@DrBill exactly what I was trying to say.

Staalesen's avatar

@DrBill No. 3 Is so true.

AstroChuck's avatar

I just keep thinking can you give me a link to her myspace page?

Mr_M's avatar

You actually do NOT have a problem. You SHOULD tell your boyfriend what you see him doing. Tell him how it makes you feel and that he has to stop.

If he continues after you tell him that, THEN you have a problem. Him.

Correction: You DO have a problem. With your own self esteem.

You’re a very attractive young woman yet you feel this other woman looks better than you. I’m sure you can easily hold your own against her. Now all YOU have to do is remember that.

Garebo's avatar

He is probably horny.

DREW_R's avatar

He is insecure.

chelseababyy's avatar

@DREW_R Why would any of that make him insecure?

chelseababyy's avatar

@Garebo He gets lots of action. No doubt about that :D

Amoebic's avatar

He probably sees her as an object, while he sees you as a person. And if he’s going to continue objectifying people, he needs to learn to be more discreet about it if it’s making you, the girlfriend, aware of the activity.

elijah's avatar

He is being disrespectful. If you were the one doing it, trust me the guy wouldn’t sit back and say “oh it’s natural”.
Your feelings should be more important than his need for tits.
It’s not her fault, she’s not the one who’s supposed to respect your relationship. He is.
The reason it bothers you is because she is a real life girl, not some random Internet chick he never actually meets.

SeventhSense's avatar

It’s like Jeff Foxworthy said,
“Guys have two aims, to eat and to see something naked”.
And it’s always the novel or new.

Amoebic's avatar

@elijahsuicide Bang on! He may not even realize how or why that would be disrespectful, either.

chelseababyy's avatar

@elijahsuicide Exactly. If it was the other way, I would be getting reamed out. I’m not sure if he knows I know, it’s one of those, I’ll be walking down the stairs and see his screen on the way down. Or I’ll just glance over at him.
And I don’t think it would bother me as much if it was someone he didn’t personally know, you know?

SeventhSense's avatar

@chelseababyy
And I would personally add. I think the scenery is fine at home.

Mr_M's avatar

@chelseababyy , it would STILL bother you. You would feel not as good as whoEVER he looks at.

chelseababyy's avatar

@Mr_M Not true at all. He watches porn and I could care less. He looks at pictures of porn stars and it’s never bothered me.
The fact of the matter is it’s bothering me because he knows her personally.

elijah's avatar

@chelseababyy exactly. Men want to see nudity. Women do too. It is completely natural, but to do it when you’re there is rude. He should look at naked girls when you are out doing some grocery shopping or something. Every guy needs to rub one out once in a while.
The whole point is to be discreet and occassional about it.

Mr_M's avatar

@chelseababyy , the porn stars are not “real”. They’re pictures. This other person is real.

You don’t have to answer this but, when he looks at attractive women passing by, are you OK?

Response moderated
Mr_M's avatar

She’s a dog!!!

Garebo's avatar

I could be way off base on this, but it sounds like you love him more than he loves you, and afraid of losing him, but if you keep worrying about losing him to another woman you will, one way or the other-and maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

chelseababyy's avatar

@Mr_M Yes, I’m okay.

DREW_R's avatar

@chelseababyy Not the pic his relationship with you if he doesn’t like you going out in a tank top. He is afraid of the attention you might get other than his.

elijah's avatar

She looks like a cheap stripper. She is an object to him, you are his girl.
But still, I think it’s disrespectful.

Mr_M's avatar

Listen, @chelseababyy , she’s NO COMPETITION for you. Honestly.

chelseababyy's avatar

@elijahsuicide I always though so too.

elijah's avatar

She’s not ugly, in the “girl I would fuck and pass around to my friends” sense.

Bluefreedom's avatar

@chelseababyy. Get me her address. I’ll have her eliminated. I know people.

elijah's avatar

Btw I don’t know her, she might be a perfectly nice girl. Like I said he is the one who is supposed to make you happy.
Tell him you don’t like it, tell him you don’t mind the porn but the “real” girls upset you. Either he loves you enough to stop, or he doesn’t. Better to find out now.

Mr_M's avatar

She’s NOT ugly. But she’s no competition for @chelseababyy .

I stick to my first answer. Tell him how you feel and that he has to stop. Then, if he continues, he’s no good.

Judi's avatar

Trust your gut. It’s telling you something.

chelseababyy's avatar

@elijahsuicide Actually, I have heard and yes I know not all of what you hear is true she’s way cocky, thinks she’s the shit, blahblahblah.

@Mr_M Thank you.

Likeradar's avatar

This has nothing to do with that girl. I’m actually surprised so many people are saying negative things about her.

He NEEDS to not do this when you’re around.

Personal story- My BF had an artsy, framed photo of a long-term ex hanging on his wall. They still talk, and I am in no way threatened by her. I hated this photo, and that’s coming from a girl who thinks a burlesque show is a great date and who grabs the Penthouse as soon as it arrives. When I explained my feelings about this picture to him, he took it down. It wasn’t about nudity, it was about my personal feelings. I’m sure he still has naked pics of her hidden somewhere, and I’m pretty sure that framed photo is stashed somewhere. That’s fine with me- it is no longer being rubbed in my face and I feel respected. If your guy can’t keep the nudie browsing to himself, he doesn’t respect you.

@elijahsuicide is right on.

Mr_M's avatar

@chelseababyy , don’t thank me. I meant every word. You just start remembering that!

chelseababyy's avatar

@Mr_M I will try! For sure.

And @Likeradar I’m the same way. Porn doesn’t bother me, not even stripclubs. But this, is quite annoying.

Bluefreedom's avatar

@chelseababyy. You’re good people and all of us here know it. You remember it too. Look out for #1 because your happiness is what is paramount to everything else. Take in all this great advice from these fine jellies because they have wisdom beyond their years. And we’ll always be here for you.

Mr_M's avatar

@chelseababyy ,you don’t know where SHE lives but you know where HE lives. I know people…..

chelseababyy's avatar

@Mr_M I live WITH him. Hahahaha. I do know she lives in NorCal :D

chelseababyy's avatar

@Bluefreedom Thank you very much. All of you are great and are def helping me see this from different perspectives, or well, from a mans perspective and also understanding of where I’m coming from.

Mr_M's avatar

@chelseababyy , put him on. I’LL talk to him!

Bluefreedom's avatar

@chelseababyy. You’re welcome, my friend.

chelseababyy's avatar

@Mr_M He’s working :O

Mr_M's avatar

He’s working? Wanna make out?

chelseababyy's avatar

@Mr_M LOLLL. I’m taken, remember :D That’s what this whole thread was about!

Judi's avatar

@Mr_M ; I was wondering where that lecherous monkey was hiding. I see he is peeking out from behind that dapper grin!

Sners's avatar

You consider “A” to be friends with your boyfriend, then say they do not talk. I thought communication and mutual interest was vital to friendship, though I could be wrong.

Mr_M's avatar

@chelsea, so am I, but I don’t let it stop ME!!! :)

Dr_C's avatar

I agree with @AstroChuck… a link to her myspace page would help us al further understand the nature of the beast and therefore make us more able to help you work out you… oh look! Boobs!

please upload link wink wink

chelseababyy's avatar

@Dr_C I already linked her picture.

@sners They talk every once in a while. Not on an everyday basis.

chelseababyy's avatar

Oh and @Dr_C the reason I linked a picture is because her myspace is private :D

JamesL's avatar

@chelseababyy
My guess is that you live in Socal…no?

chelseababyy's avatar

@JamesL Not anymore. In the past year we’ve moved from SoCal to Oregon to Cayman to Denver.

JamesL's avatar

@chelseababyy
Ahh ok, just noticed it because people usually refer to California as NorCal/SoCal if they live here, otherwise it is just good ol’ California….

Dr_C's avatar

@chelseababyy you have NOTHING to worry about…
this is not a woman who would even come close to posing a threat to you…
#1 she is not very attractive
#2 you’re right… looks slutty
#3 reffer to @DrBill ‘s answer…..

He may be looking at her… but trust me… he’s thanking his lucky starts he’s found you.

Dr_C's avatar

It may be good ol’ Cali for most… but SoCal is still the best for me.

May2689's avatar

THink of her as a playmate or something…He may lust after her because thats what guys do… But you are the girl he brings home to meet his parents. He respects you and loves you. She is just a fantasy.

casheroo's avatar

I just have to say, I don’t understand why girls post pictures like that. I have girls I went to high school with, on my myspace…and they look like whores. It’s ridiculous.
Rant over. lol

JamesL's avatar

@casheroo
It is all about the attention it gets them, whether it be negative or positive they see it as attention.

May2689's avatar

Girls that act like that are the most insecure. Just wait and see…

oneword's avatar

hormones

rooeytoo's avatar

I always wonder why a woman would pose like that, where is her self esteem, her sense of self-worth? She has reduced herself to nothing but a pair of mammary glands. I wish she would devote herself to a worthwhile career. If women didn’t see themselves as only valuable if they are attractive to males, then maybe males wouldn’t see all females as a collection of anatomical parts.

jeanna's avatar

@Bluefreedom So, do you “know” people everywhere? Can I use your services?

Bluefreedom's avatar

@jeanna. I commune with everything, everywhere. You can use me….er….my services whenever you want. =)

elijah's avatar

I don’t find anything wrong with sexy pictures. She has a great body and is proud of it, that’s fine. I’m more opposed to the cheap clothing, leathery skin, and bad makeup.
The problem I have is that some girls are so focused on being sexy that they don’t develop any other aspect of their lives.
A one trick pony is boring.

jeanna's avatar

@Bluefreedom Oh my, I think I’m going to enjoy this very much.

ubersiren's avatar

He’s 23? He should be mature enough to honor your requests if he loves and respects you.

kutelilkat's avatar

Not really an answer but just wanted to say I have been struggling with issues like this with my BF so this has really been helpful. Thanks everyone. and thanks for asking this Q :)

chelseababyy's avatar

@kutelilkat You’re welcome.

@ubersiren, I know right.. He’s old enough.

@elijahsuicide True that. Showing skin isn’t a horrible thing, but it’s just what she’s wearing, her poses and whatnot that are making it just.. not so tasteful. Ya know.

eponymoushipster's avatar

the girl in question looks like something Tony Soprano would have banged in Season 4.

bada BING

Mr_M's avatar

@chelseababyy , something tells me this girl is VERY aggressive around men, even your boyfriend. She probably does it to get you mad. She probably KNOWS it does. So I’m not sure it’s the IMAGE that bothers you or the person BEHIND the image that rubs you the wrong way. That would explain why her pics bother you and porn doesn’t (and why OTHER women don’t), and might even explain why you THINK he looks at her pics a lot when maybe he doesn’t.

elijah's avatar

But there are aggressive women in the world. It doesn’t matter if she’s naked spread eagle on the roof of his car, he should ignore her (I know it would be hard to ignore, but what I’m saying is he should walk away from the situation). It’s not her fault he’s looking, it’s his.
There’s always going to be sexy people. A quick glance is normal. Stalking their myspace isn’t.

Mr_M's avatar

Oh you’re right about HIS behavior. What I was trying to explain is why it bothers @chelseababyy with THIS particular girl, yet not other woman he looks at or porn.

elijah's avatar

Ah yes, I must have misunderstood you then.
I’m sure if she was being aggressive with him they would talk more often. Aggressive girls go after what they want.
I believe it’s more of the reasons we discussed above, the fact that she’s a real girl, in his city, attainable by him. He can’t actually hook up with girls in movies or magazines.

Mr_M's avatar

I think you’re right.

chelseababyy's avatar

I think she’s an attention whore :D.

No, but seriously. I’ve been talking to some people irl about it. They gave me some good advice. Like, she obviously does want attn, even from guys who are committed, and its not like she’s about to ward him off, she WANTS that attention. Though it’s true, he should know when enough is enough, esp when he’s like sitting there on her myspace. Staring.

It’s just, ew..

Zen's avatar

I’m with @Marina on this. Guys like naked girls. Period. From African women in old National Geographics, through Playboy and porn. For him, they are naked pics with the added bonus of reminding him that he actually knows this person. It’s voyeurism at its most basic. It’s why gossip columns are the most popular, it’s why people collect autographs and props from movies.

He separates you two in his mind completely, from the little information you’ve given, and he’ll soon grow out of it, I’m sure. What you haven’t said, and couldn’t condense here anyway, is how much attention to the matter you are giving it, i.e. what is he getting out of it from you as well?

ShauneP82's avatar

His feel good myspace friend is about the equivalent to reality porn. She is somebody he knows and would have sex with her if given the chance. He may want her sexually, but that doesnt mean he cares about her and does not care about her.

Look at this like a primal male instinctual desire to mate.

As far as he worrying about you dressing slutty, he probably wants to keep you for himself. After all, if other guys see what a hotty you are; he is worried he may lose you.

Zen's avatar

@ShauneP82 I do believe you’ve complemented what I’ve written. Just curious, did you read my comment?

ShauneP82's avatar

@Zen No!! I did not. Thats awesome, my friend. I guess we are just on the same page.

Zen's avatar

@ShauneP82 Very cool.

CMaz's avatar

You need to put your child boyfriend in his place.
If he is your boyfriend, he should not feel the desire to be ogling her pictures. And, she need to move on. Sounds like a tease to me.

kerryyylynn's avatar

That chick is just a nasty, your boyfriend is just a guy, and you are just a concerned girlfriend. Its perfectly normal for you to be worried, but its also perfectly normal for him to be interested in ickyhoes pictures. He seriously cant help it. He doesnt want you to go outside wearing flaunting clothes because, being part of the male population, hes, for lack of another way to explain this, marked his territory and doesnt want other guys to be checking out his fire hydrant.

Thammuz's avatar

Note: I’m actually talking for myself here, but i think every male here can relate to this, i hope you don’t mind if i used “we” (males) as the subject:

The keyword is “Going out”. He doesn’t mind you being dressed slutty FOR HIM. He minds if everybody gets to see you like that.
We like sexy/slutty dresses, on any girl really. Ours, somebody else’s, doesn’t change much. BUT we also know we do, and we kow other males do, ad we don’t want other males to drool all over our girlfriend in fishnet stockings or shit like that.

It’s actually a good sign, it means he cares for you (at the very least).

as for looking at naked pictures of that other girl, i’d say “meh”.
I can tell you, when i’m looking at photos of naked women for arousal purposes i really don’t see them as individuals: they’re tits, asses, pussies and faces. No brains, and no mind, just meat.

Hey, THEY objectify themselves, i just play along.

ponderopus's avatar

please read my response to a similar enough question about what one should do if one is not happy about something in their relationship:
link

chelseababyy's avatar

@ponderopus This was months ago. There’s no more problems. Thank you though.

GoonSquad's avatar

I thought you looked familiar…

AnonymousWoman's avatar

This reminds me of one of my ex-boyfriends who likes watching “strippers”, but told me that his girlfriend (me at the time) can’t be a stripper. I’m not exactly sure on the exact wording he used as it was awhile ago now, but he was pretty much cool with looking at naked girls and stuff like that. However, “I” wasn’t allowed to be like that, whether I wanted to be or not. Maybe guys like this just like to feel ownership. You know? Like, “She’s MY girlfriend. I get to have her ALL to myself, but I’m still allowed to check out other girls. SHE’S not allowed to show off in those ways, though.”

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
chokolatcake's avatar

her boobs and ass can’t be that spectacular… it’s a phase. you dress like a slut you’ll be treated like one, guys usually stop going through puberty at 30… sometimes later, they like porn, but if he’s getting it from you, you set the boundaries, not him.

psyonicpanda's avatar

She might be the elusive “white buffalo” as some of us guys like to call it.

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