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Roseland's avatar

Does My Long-Distance Guy Friend Like Me?

Asked by Roseland (9points) December 17th, 2020

So, I was wondering if my best guy friend might like me more than as just a friend. We have texted every single day for over a year, for a minimum of a half hour every day. We talk about our common interests, about our families, our friends, things that happen in the day, past experiences, current problems, past relationships, debate politics, debate religious view, ideal romantic partner and other things.

We have visited each other for an average of once a month (We take turns driving so see each other). We live about 2.5 hours away from each other by car. We usually spend the day together, a couple times we have stayed at each other’s places.

There are times he will say things like: “You deserve the best”, “Your worth wild”, “Your stuck with me” / “I’m going to be around for a long time” (he uses these ones all of the time.). He has admitted that he finds me very attractive. I have asked him before what does he like about me as a person, and what he would change multiple times. His replies have been: “I like you. Everything. All of it.”, “There isn’t anything I would change about you because it would change you as a person.”, “If I had to change something, I wish you would have more confidence in yourself.”

I have met one his roomates before, and she said that she and her friend heard a lot about me (though she may have been exaggerating about how much. She was tipsy and it seemed like she may be a dramatic type.)

I also know that he’s been asked a couple times if we were dating. I asked him if it bothered him that a lot of people seemed to think that, and he said it didn’t.

I have asked him before if he acts like this with other people, and he has said he doesn’t.

When we do see each other, he has on multiple occasions given me hugs that have almost lasted a full minute, brushes against me a lot when we are walking next to each other. (With Covid going around, we had a lot of outdoor walks).

My gut feelings tell me that he might, however, about 8 months ago I told him that I might like him, and he told me he did not see me that way at the time. I have considered the possibility that something may have changed between then and now, but I am worried about making things awkward between us if I brought the idea of dating up.

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13 Answers

gorillapaws's avatar

Just tell him how you feel. Be honest. If he’s not into that then move on. There’s no reason to play games for months on end. Life is short.

“I am worried about making things awkward between us”

Things already ARE awkward between you. Having clarification on where you guys are and where things are going would only make things less weird.

kritiper's avatar

Tell him you want to see other people, then let him go and don’t call or connect, then see what happens.

si3tech's avatar

I think @gorillapaws says it well. Tell him how you feel. If he continues to “not see you in that way” at least you know where you stand. You have spent a long time “in the dark” so to speak. I would want clarity. Just be straight forward.

jca2's avatar

It sounds like there’s a lot of guessing going on, on your end. It seems like he likes you but only he knows for sure. Ask him and go with what he tells you. If he says he doesn’t see you that way, then continue to enjoy his company but don’t expect any changes.

chyna's avatar

You are spending a lot of time thinking about him and liking him. If he just wants you as a friend, it’s not fair to you to not know his intentions. It’s keeping you from looking for other love interests. I would straight up ask him. That way you know and can move on. Because to stick around for years without any sort of commitment is doing you a huge disservice.

janbb's avatar

I had a relationship or friendship after my Ex left that was kind of like that. Nobody understood me like him and we spent lots of time together. He never made a move and eventually when he really picked up that I liked him in a romantic way – after about two years – he broke off the friendship in a very painful way.

Remember if you ask the question, you have to be prepared for either answer. It sounds to me like if he was interested in a physical relationship he would have acted on it by now; it sounds to me like he wants to be “besties.” But I can’t really know. Just search your heart before you decide to speak. It hurt me a lot that I lost my guy friend but it probably needed to happen for me to grow..

JLoon's avatar

Maybe.

But on the other hand he’s still a “long distance guy”...

Darth_Algar's avatar

You need to ask him. None of us can answer the question for him. There’s no way it could make things more awkward than they are now.

janbb's avatar

@Darth_Algar Of course it could make things more awkward; she would very likely lose him as a friend. So she has to decide which is more important to her – knowing or keeping his friendship. I suspect she knows already since he said 8 months ago that he wasn’t into her that way and has done nothing physical since then.

Darth_Algar's avatar

@janbb

Losing a friend because of honesty is far preferable to maintaining one in a continuing state of limbo, unsure of the other’s motivations.

janbb's avatar

^^ We can debate it but only the OP can decide that for herself. If the longing outweighs the pleasure in the friendship, then yes. I’ve had some friendships with guys that I wished would go romantic but I was happy (eventually) to accept the friendship. Anyway, as I said, that’s for her to decide.

But you may well be right that at a certain point, the discussion needs to take place.

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