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ronski's avatar

Why do men get to do all the chasing and women have to wait to be chased?

Asked by ronski (722 points ) February 11th, 2009

Why are men chased off when women show that they are interested before the man has shown their interest? I’ve noticed that many women that have put the moves on a guy first, are often rejected. If it is instinctual for men to chase women, why do women still try to chase men?

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50 Answers

galileogirl's avatar

So you just arrived on the time machine from the 1950’s? Check out who’s president. It’s cool, man.

KrystaElyse's avatar

“I’ve noticed that many women that have put the moves on a guy first, are often rejected.”

Uhh, really? Because, i’ve noticed differently. Some men actually want the woman to make the first move because they are afraid of rejection, and the same goes for some women.

Jeruba's avatar

My goodness, I thought that question went away approximately 40 years ago.

nebule's avatar

I have to agree with ronksi to a certain degree… whenever I have chased men in the past they seem to run a mile…maybe it’s just us eh???

Jeruba's avatar

Some people like to be chased and some don’t. Of both sexes. And sometimes it’s just all about who’s doing the chasing. But that wasn’t the question. The questions was “Why do men get to do all the chasing and women have to wait to be chased?” And the answer is—they don’t. Anyone can do the chasing and take his or her chances on rejection.

By contrast, in days of yore, women just…didn’t. They had to wait. To do otherwise was to risk being dropped from the rolls altogether.

loser's avatar

(sigh.) You know, it really doesn’t have to be like that.

jellyfish's avatar

Totally men have to chase – apparently they are hardwired to want to ‘sweat’ and work hard to get their girl – initial interest from a girl first then sit back and let them enjoy the chase – they need the challenge – so what that it is a million years old – it works.

cookieman's avatar

@galileogirl: LOL
@lynneblundell: Perhaps that’s because you were literally chasing them. ;^)

I would think most men these days would be very open to a woman making the first move. Any guy worth his salt today, should find a decisive, direct woman attractive. Someone with a brain who knows what she wants.

And if what she wants is you, then all the better.

I’d like to think wallflowers are a thing of the past, in most cases.

GAMBIT's avatar

I think women have more power then you realize. Guys may be doing the chasing but women are the ones who give out the signals.

A lot of times guys may feel like they are initiating everything but in many cases it is the women who put the idea in the guys head to begin with.

cak's avatar

Seriously, you are kidding – right? My best friend asked her now husband out for their first date. He would have never asked, he assumed she wasn’t interested.

steelmarket's avatar

Regardless of who does the chasing, we are all hardwired to value more that which we work the hardest to obtain.

This is why that devilishly-clever hard to get game was invented.

blondie411's avatar

it depends on the person that interests you. If you like that guy that takes charge then your always going to want the guy to be chasing you and taking charge and being in control. If your the type that doesn’t need the chase and into a more shy type then the girl might need to take more control of the asking and steering the chasing.

steelmarket's avatar

BTW, I looking out my window now and watching a bright red male cardinal chase the dusty brown female cardinal of his dreams. She is not making it easy for him.

DrBill's avatar

I don’t understand, I’ve neber heard of a guy that does not want to be wanted.

you can’t chase what won’t run

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@lynneblundell well, if you’d put that knife down first, maybe we wouldn’t have to run a mile. :-)

ronski's avatar

Interesting…I got the idea to ask this from the book, “He’s just not that into you,” which seems to believe the guy should do the asking and the work. If he really likes you he will.
It claims you should never ask a guy out, but I don’t think that is true of every case….

bristolbaby's avatar

the population would be a lot smaller if everyone waited for the male to make the first move

my better half likes to claim that she played hard to get – “I ran and ran and ran and he chased, until I caught him!”...chuckle

cyndyh's avatar

That’s not the point of that book. There’s a difference between asking someone out and stalking them once they’ve said no. There’s a difference between assertive and aggressive. There’s a difference between living your life asking for what you want and second guessing a guy’s every move if he’s not responding to you.

ronski's avatar

@cyndyh like the book pointed out and as I asked above, than why do women still persist?

cyndyh's avatar

I think you missed my point. Cheers!

wundayatta's avatar

Men get to do the chasing because we are naturally superior!

come on, this question was just begging for that

Jeruba's avatar

@ronski, are you under the impression that because a book makes a certain point, all women should change their behavior?

Obviously if women naturally behave in a way that an author says is not in accordance with their nature, the author has either not made accurate observations or not drawn accurate conclusions from them.

cyndyh's avatar

@daloon: I really don’t need to know every time you want a spanking. :^>

wundayatta's avatar

@cyndyh You’d really not want to know, if you knew how flatulent I am!
.
.
.
eewwwwww

cyndyh's avatar

Good thing there’s no smell-o-vision on fluther. You’re quips don’t smell.

wundayatta's avatar

I’m just waiting for the day when someone says, “Oh, blow it out your mmmph, Daloon!”

hmmm, I should have a smart comeback ready for that

cyndyh's avatar

You could have a smart avatar adjustment ready for that. :^>

Jack79's avatar

It’s the old-fashioned way, based on social conventions. People don’t necessarily follow them anymore though. I’ve often been pursued by girls (come to think of it, more often than I have pursued them). I find it flattering. Besides, I don’t see why a woman who likes a man should not simply tell him so.

ronski's avatar

@Jeruba nope, I’m not under that impression. I’m just posing a question. But considering how much success the book has had, I think it is legitimate to wonder…

laureth's avatar

If I had to wait to be chased, I’d probably live my entire life chaste.

cyndyh's avatar

Again, ronski, that’s not the point of that book.

galileogirl's avatar

It’s been my experience that men put a lot of effort in their show of interest. Most women show ours with a smile, the lift of an eyebrow, a sideways glance or a little pursing of the lips. Much more efficient.

ronski's avatar

@cyndyh I know what you mean, that it’s not the point of the book. I guess the point of the book is to tell women not to go after a man already after he’s given the no signal. So, part of my question is, why do women still persist even when we have been rejected? Do you think men do this too?

wundayatta's avatar

@galileogirl: jeez! Is that how it’s done? That stuff is beyond my ken. I never see it. Pursing of the lips? A new one on me, and I’ve been around a while. I’ll never know if there were many or no opportunities I missed.

Jeruba's avatar

Too bad fans have gone out of fashion. Never was there a device or accessory more suited to flirtation and the discreet sending of messages, and that “never” includes the cellphone.

mjchatter's avatar

Who the hell says that? If I want it – I make it Clear!

DrBill's avatar

This reminds me of something I heard a long time ago about a little boy and a little girl arguing over who was better.

After bickering back and forth for a while and no clear winner, the boy dropped his pants and said “this is a penis, and you don’t have one, so there!”

She dropped her pants and said “well this is a vagina, and as long as I have this, I can get all of those I want, so there!”

Grisson's avatar

Why would you want men to be chaste?

laureth's avatar

@Grisson – If you are commenting on my quip, I don’t necessarily want men to be chaste. :D Nobody’s going to chase me, so if I waited around, I’d be the chaste one. As such, I have to do some of the chasing.

pathfinder's avatar

Is it a question of judgement?I have been in this situation and I did exactly the same thing as it is in a comment.The problem propably is in side the man.The men has the personality as to be the one to choose the women.It give to the men character to feel like the master.This works specialy when man and man meet each other and start talking about women.For exampel:I found this chick and I pick her up.Men get s more satisfated than in case the women pick him up.[80 percent]

galileogirl's avatar

@pathfinder that’s what the ladies have been saying-guys need the chase to ‘start their engines’. We are much more subtle in getting what we want. Also subtlety reduces rejection because if guys don’t get the message we just think they are dense, not that they are turning us down

mrswho's avatar

For men sex and reproduction doesn’t come at that high of a cost. Its best for the species for them to try to fornicate with everthing that moves but women, who put their bodies and health on the line by potentially bearing children have to be more selective in their mates. There was a time when the leading cause of death in women was child birth, so logically women shouldn’t risk their lives to produce inferior children.

wundayatta's avatar

@mrswho: Is that why you married Dr. Who? To produce superior children?

mrswho's avatar

@daloon Of course ;)

wundayatta's avatar

So….. How’d that go?

paulhalonen's avatar

I had been asked out by women to find out later on they were
propositioning me and had asked to pay them for a date, so since it is so rare to be asked by a woman I end up questioning if she is for real. If she is real, I question myself… why would anyone want me since it never happens. If it did happen and she turned out to be real, and I knew what she liked or saw in me.. then I would be extatic. But my reality has been.. hooker, hooker and…. I wish the next one was real. I love being asked but hate being let down that it was a business proposition and she didn’t see anything passed my wallet.

ronski's avatar

@paulhalonen ha! really? what, are these hookers in disguise?

laureth's avatar

Doesn’t seem like much of a disguise, actually.

MarvinPowell's avatar

“Why are men chased off when women show that they are interested before the man has shown their interest?”

I’ve NEVER seen this happen, before. Ever. Maybe some guys just get nervous, but again. I think MOST men (without hyperbole, even) would welcome a woman being attracted to him, for once. Even if the woman wasn’t attractive or his type, it’d still be a welcome change to things.

“I’ve noticed that many women that have put the moves on a guy first, are often rejected.”

Seriously. Where do you live? I think I’d like to move there. Again, never ever heard of this happening before. I don’t know how to answer this, since I’ve never even heard of it occurring before, much less seen it in person.

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