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bluedoggiant's avatar

What do girls think of emotional guys?

Asked by bluedoggiant (644 points ) April 2nd, 2009

Ok so I have this girl that I’ve known for about 6 years, and liked her for that long too, but only in the past say 7 months, I feel like I have begun to “love” her. I told her I like her waaayy back ago, then kinda told her again in October. We were like best friends, I mean really close and stuff, but lately, its like she almost despises me. Sometimes she can act like she completely hates, at other times were like our good old selves.

The thing is, when she acts like she “hates me” I get pretty emotional about it and all depressed. I think that because of the way she acts around me, something she has done that was say, the cause of me, some pretty long stuff, but point is, I get super depressed about it, then whenever she talks to me again, which could be a few hours later, I get really excited, happy and back to normal. Though when I get “emotional” i think that maybe she doesn’t like that, and im just wondering in general, would do girls think of guys like that?

I always try to be really nice and the good “gentlemen” to her, would a girl ever date a guy who is sensitive? sorry for the long paragraph

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46 Answers

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Too much emotion is a sign of weakness.. not something women find attractive. You don’t have to be an iron wall and never show emotion.. but over-doing it is definitely a no no.

ronski's avatar

I know a lot of girls that are attracted to emotional guys. But I wonder if this girl is really worth your time if she doesn’t treat you right? Some of the most beautiful women I know like men who can really open up and show their emotions, whatever those may be: happiness, love, guilt, I don’t know…there is a plethora of emotions to be had. I wouldn’t be with a man who didn’t show me his feelings!

Be emotional, but be careful who you show those emotions to. Try to think of what you want in any friend, and than try to see how this person is really treating you, would you want a friend to act like that? It’s hard to say, but it sounds like she may be manipulating you a little bit and you may be taking it.

fireside's avatar

This girl doesn’t seem like she wants to be the cause of your emotional ups and downs.
She may like you and enjoy your company, but she may get tired of not being able to deal with you on an even emotional level.

Either she will feel powerless or too powerful in the relationship.
It’s hard to say for sure, but this one doesn’t seem like it is going in the right direction.

bezdomnaya's avatar

Personally, I fall for the guy who spurns me, and treat the guy who’s always there for me like shit. Girls are usually stupid like that.

elijah's avatar

Maybe she’s tired of feeling responsible for your mental health. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. She obviously wants to be friends with you or she wouldn’t keep trying. You are going to lose her as a friend because a girl can only take so much guilt.

lukiarobecheck's avatar

I know where you are coming from. I can get depressed pretty easy in a type of situation that you are talking about. I never really show my emotions openly to the person that I like when I get depressed. In high school, I had a scenario similar to yours. This girl was the one that took my virginity, so I had a lot wrapped up in her already. We never dated but we became very close. I thought I was in love with her. I know her for a little over three years. She took my virginity about a few weeks after I met her. And from there on I was infatuated. I went off to college and we stayed close, and I would tell her that I thought I was in love with her. In the three years, I only told her that I thought I loved her, twice. All my friends thought it was a bad deal for me, and looking back it was. But, I could never see that at that time. It finally took her sleeping with my room mate in college to realize exactly who she was. She was just in it because I gave her all the attention in the world. I listened to her every thought. I know that got a bit off topic, but your story rang true with me.

My theory from that day on, was that if I ever actually came out and told someone that I thought I was in love, or liked them, or however you put it, and they did not reciprocate the same feelings. Then they never would. I fought so hard to be with this one girl, and she strung me along so many times. In retrospect it was not worth it, and I totally felt better about my self after I confronted her, and then broke off all contact.

Hope that helped, and was not too confusing.

ubersiren's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater : I agree, but it goes for both sexes.

Emotional fellas can be way sexy. Like the way I imagine Ewan McGreggor to be. But, there is a line.

Garebo's avatar

Very confusing
I think you meant to ask, would guys do a girl like that

oratio's avatar

There is a difference between being in contact with your feelings and being unstable. One of them is attractive.

bluedoggiant's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater thats exactly why i asked ;)

I see where you all are going “is she worth it?” Today is the first time I have ever thought of that in my life.

You guys also mention that I probably shouldn’t bother since she acted like she hated me.

If you all must no, it was something little like I went down to sit next to her in spanish class, and she moved to the next table, but she wasnt sitting down in the first place, she just placed her books there. She probably didn’t know that was the reason I sat there, but I’m guessing she knew, and maybe didn’t feel comfortable at the moment. There are other moments where I would wait for her after class, but in a disguised way to kinda “run into her” and talk to her on the way there, but she just runs out the door, then yet again, she probably didn’t know I was waiting for her, because I didn’t say so, or even act like it.

I do look depressed around school on these days, happens usually once a week or so, people notice it and just call it out, but I never said why, so I do not think she would feel too responsible for my feelings, if I was moody.

I am a very active and social guy, but at these times, i am just an emotion wreck.

oratio's avatar

Maybe you should just ask her out and tell her? Either that or leave it be I guess.

SeventhSense's avatar

Why are there so many dudes who need to be bitch slapped? There is a distinct difference between being sensitive and decent and being a complete wuss. Why would you fall in love with someone who obviously has lost all respect for you? Grow a pair and she might actually find something to be attracted to. Your emotions rise and fall with her attitude towards you? Just ask yourself, would you have a friend whose emotional state hinged upon your approval or disapproval? And if not, why would a woman want that? A woman wants a man. A man has a sense of self respect, dignity and is not moved by a woman’s approval or disapproval. He respects it, but it doesn’t make or break him.

fireside's avatar

If you are in school, there is an added element of social interactions. She may have known you for a while, but if you are walking around moody and people notice then she probably finds herself having to explain to her friends why she puts up with you. This added burden on her is quite likely to make her upset.

SeventhSense's avatar

@bluedoggiant
And you’re still looking for their approval by asking this question.

DeanV's avatar

How old are you? Maybe she thinks you just want to get into her pants now…

SeventhSense's avatar

@dverhey
if he’s lucky she thinks that

May2689's avatar

It sounds like you love this girl, and she kind of sees you as a friend. The way she acts around you, like she hates you, its because the whole situation makes her uncomfortable and she thinks that if she treats you badly, you wont like her anymore and everything will go back to normal. Girls like emotional guys, but sounds like this girl just doesnt like you that way..

SeventhSense's avatar

@May2689
Thank you. It’s cruel not to be honest with someone even if it’s harsh. It’s the hardest thing for guys to accept because women will not tell them and the majority of guys are clueless or just blow smoke up your ass.

bluedoggiant's avatar

Hmm still does seem like you guys are getting the wrong message. I see the whole “complete wuss” thing.

She does not have to explain to everyone, I go to a small private school, There are 16 people in my grade, 4 guys including me, and i think it would be acceptable to say that I am the “ladies man” (boy?) I’m friends with everyone in the grade.

I may be getting confused with myself, she enjoys her other girl-type friends like crazy and I think thats why she pays less attention to me at times, its just that she does it so sporadically.

Gee I don’t think this post makes any sense, I’m way to tired yawn

lukiarobecheck's avatar

Listen, she ain’t worth your time. I know it’s hard to do because you think you love her or you might even love her or whatever. Quit being a wuss about it, (your words not mine) and find someone who like you, and is not interested in playing head games, as some people like to do. Because no one like some dude who is crying all the time over a chick. It’s unattractive.

bluedoggiant's avatar

@lukiarobecheck

You said to break off all contact, are you saying that literally, never talk to her again or see her again?

lukiarobecheck's avatar

@bluedoggiant:
I never advised you to break off all contact. It sounds like you have a lot of feelings for this person. And I believe those to be true. But it really sounds like she is stringing you along. It took a lot for this girl and I to get to the point where I had, had enough. And sleeping with my room mate was one of those things. I made the choice to cut off all contact, and it was about self respect for myself. It was tough, I cared about her yes. But her actions pushed me to the edge.
I don’t know the whole story, and more important I don’t know her side of the story. I just know what it sounds like. If she means that much to you, great! Keep her around as a really great friend, and see where that goes. I would forget about dating her, it sounds like it would have happened by now if it was going to ever happen. Who knows maybe it still could. But even if you two started to date, look at the relationship now. Add sex to that, and things get really complicated. Again I don’t know the whole story so I could be way off base. But it does not sound like the position I want to find myself.

Simply put, find someone who cares about you as much as you care about them. Look for that person who is putting the same into the relationship as you are. It does not sound like she is. Is she?

Oh and also take SeventhSense advice. his stuff is good.

SeventhSense's avatar

friend<————————————————————————>boyfriend

bluedoggiant's avatar

@lukiarobecheck thank you so much, and everyone else too.

And yes, its a pretty long complicated story.

Zen's avatar

@bluedoggiant Six years?!?

eadinad's avatar

First off, your sense of reality is skewed. You said she “acts like she hates you” and “almost despises you.” But the two examples you gave are her moving to another table, and not talking to you when you are standing outside her classroom door. This is not cruel, mean, hateful behavior in the slightest. It’s not even rude. Now, unless there are way worse things you aren’t telling us, frankly, you’re being waaaay too sensitive and melodramatic.

Secondly, I’d say she does not like you romantically. It is pretty clear. If she has not said anything or made a move in six years, it’s a pretty safe bet that she sees you as just a friend. If you sense her pulling away from you at times, it is probably because she senses your obsessive and dependent behavior and it makes her uncomfortable.

Third, no matter what “girls” think of emotional guys, you seriously need some help, either in the form of therapy or gool ol’ self-analysis and effort to stop being so easily manipulated. You should not be able to become depressed or cheered up several times a day because of the actions of another person. That is not healthy, cute, romantic, or positive in the slightest. You need your own sense of self, stability, and happiness that is not dependent on another person. An added benefit is that yeah, it will probably make you more attractive to people.

Lastly – “girls” are not a monolithic entity. Girls are millions of different people, each with their own personalities, tastes, and interests. Some like emotional guys, some don’t. Some girls date sensitive guys, some don’t. It doesn’t matter what “girls” like or what “guys” like, even if that fact could be described. It only matters what the person you’re interested in likes, and whether or not you’re compatible.

bluedoggiant's avatar

Thank you @eadinad that made me feel a bit better about myself.

Horus515's avatar

Being emotional is a losing stategy. I know it may be just how you are. I’m somewhat the same way but I never show an ounce of it. Because in this world the reality is that the nice guy DOES finish last. People ARE cruel. Your emotions and depth of feeling are NOT appreciated. And the world is shit.

May2689's avatar

@SeventhSense : I know, women can be very cruel.

SeventhSense's avatar

@May2689
Both men and women can be cruel and there was a time when I was younger that I thought that was more the case with women. But now I think that it is just natural for a woman to act a certain way as a woman and that it actually brings out the best in a man. It causes a man to rise to the occasion and grow.

May2689's avatar

@SeventhSense : Yes, I agree. When I was younger, I thought the worst of men! Everything bad that happened to me was because of a guy. Then I grew up, and realized that I could be just as bad as guys.

elijah's avatar

@eadinad well put :-)

danielnor's avatar

It seems like men and women are all racing to prove that they are less weak than the other by some of the responses on here. “Then I grew up, and realized that I could be just as bad as guys.”.

Why sink to the low that wronged you have sunk to?

SeventhSense's avatar

@danielnor
You totally missed that one. She’s being self effacing and admitting her own capacity for negative traits. She’s not boasting that she’s bad.

Kraken's avatar

I haven’t the foggiest.

tigran's avatar

There’s probably alot of good answers already, but I feel like mentioning the following. If she is tired of your affection then she obviously does not want a relationship with the way you are now. The only way to change things is to actually restrict yourself, and try to be more flexible. You need to work a little harder to be more attractive, forget her for a while, and actually indulge in other people. That will make you stand out, and then she will have withdrawals for your affection. Whether you two are meant to be together is completely a different subject, but following some steps to become more attractive to her will be wise if you want to give her a try.

ShauneP82's avatar

Well, I am the king of emotions and my wife seems to like me.

jackfright's avatar

females love alpha males. either be one, or dont expect her to respect you.
once you lose her respect, you’ll lose her love soon after-

you can be pretty harsh and cold with a girl, but as long as you’re in control and you know what you’re doing, she’ll probably stick with you. turn into an apologetic wuss, and she’s gone.

Xihana's avatar

In general, it depends on the girl. Some prefer men to be more “masculine,” others are fine being around people that are more sensitive. If you’re sensitive, I see no need to try changing how you feel about things or shoving emotions away. If she really doesn’t accept you, that’s her problem and not yours.

PS. Being a girl and reading these comments, I can tell you that not all females want a masculine, dominant male. Of course some people do, but don’t expect every girl to feel that way.

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MilkyWay's avatar

you know, it really depends on her personality
if shes the kind who likes tough guys then obviously no
try to find out what type of guy she likes cos different girls like different types of guys
i personally go for…. ummmm wait, not relevant.
hope that helps

dark_peach66's avatar

ok here is the thing man…. i used to be the same way you were with my gf i used to be an emotional wreck… but there has to be a time when you have to stand up for your yourself because that does not seem that is what you want from a girl. try being a man i guess you could say. After i told my gf ok either you need to stop doing this and this unless we are not going to make it much further. (in my case she was puting me down alot and it made me feel like shit but for a long time i did not say anything because i was scared i would lose her) but this is the only way to really find out if she really cares about you or not so tell her she has to stop doing stuff that makes u depressed or mad. if she does not stop then she does not care and do not keep being with her because it will hurt you more when that happens later on then now. also if she does not want to do anyhting with you who’s to say that she is not doing something with some one else that she really ha feelings for? trying just telling her to stop doing some of the stuff she is doing and like i said if she does not stop then end it. you know the saying “if you really love something let it go” yea so if you really love her and she is acting in ways that you do not like… then let her go its for the best even if it hurts you man you will get over and find some one that loves you has much as you love them.

karson74472's avatar

Most girls love emotional guys…I do

cheermalibubarbie51's avatar

I think its sweet and i love a guy who is sesitive its so cute :)

emeraldisles's avatar

I think emotional guys are kind of sexy because they are allowing you in and showing a side not everyone gets to see. Its better to be that way than all macho and agressive. Can’t stand people who are agressive, they are not fun to be around.

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